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vegie girl
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What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:45 pm

My Dad won't be walking me down the isle and I wondered if any of you have any ideas on an alternative.

I have this image of my and FH's wedding being romantic in every way, but I was devasted to learn that Dad won't be by my side on this day. I am a shy person and very nervous about the prospect of being the centre of attention, so now I am struggling with what to do.

My Dad has very strong personal religious beliefs and for this reason he is unable to give me to a man he doesn't believe is right for me. This saddens me greatly, and is really the only tarnish on planning our day, particularly has my two sisters enjoyed Dad's full support for their choices.

Some of my friends have volunteered to walk me down the isle, and I have 2 older brothers who are also supportive and I know either of them would give me away - I would only need to say the word.

But I am old fashioned and for me there is nothing that can really replace a Father's right, responsibility and priviledge of handing his daughter over to the man she would willingly give herself to. Dad has been the one to nuture, protect and care for me all these years, and I believe it is his, and only his "right" to give me over to another man to care for me in the years ahead. I know its old fashioned, but I just can't get my head around asking anyone else to do it. To me that would be disrespectful.

We're being married in a garden. So my choices seem to be:

1. Walk up the isle by myself and into the waiting arms of my beautiful FH. No one gives me away.
2. My FH waits for me at the start of the isle and we walk up together.
2. BM and Groomsman walk up the isle together, then FH and I walk up together.
3. My BM walks up the isle and then my FH comes down the isle to greet me and we walk up together. But of course this means my BM has to go up the front first, and then FH comes back down, and then we go up - alot of toing and froing.

A penny for your thoughts.
PS Sorry about the length of the post.
 
carly_buttons
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:49 pm

I'm sorry to hear that about your dad and how he feels. Will he come to the wedding still, if he doesn't approve?

Why don't you have your mum, or your maid of honour walk down with you?

Or you could go by yourself, just concentrating on your FH at the end... it could be like a way of starting out your independent relationship? You know, walking into it fully prepared and confidently, even if dad doesn't get it...
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Thu Jun 25, 2009 10:07 pm

Thats really sad about your dad.

If it were me I'd walk down with my FH.
 
Secret Love
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:20 pm

It is such a shame that your father won't walk you down the aisle. Is it because your FH is a different religion to your father? I am having my grandfather walk me down the aisle.
I would not worry about tradition, but choose the person who loves you most and you love most (who is happy celebrating your union)- i think you should choose your mum or your eldest brother or just try and walk down by yourself, just remember its only a short distance - dont look at the audience if you feel nervous just look straight ahead at your FH and just think about him and not everyone else around you.
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:44 am

Hi Vegie Girl,

This is so sad. Is there a chance your Dad will change his mind? I find it hard to believe he would
surrender his right to give you away, knowing how much you love your FH. Have you told him how
much it means to you? Can your Mum help by talking to him?

My daughter in law walked down the isle on her own because her Dad has MS but he met her at
the alter and gave her away as normal. She hated that solitary walk but she saw my son waiting
for her and that gave her courage.

Your FH collecting you and walking you in would be a nice touch if all else fails.

I hope you can make Dad see reason.

Good luck :heart:
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 4:57 am

I would have FH and the Best Man waiting at the top of the aisle. Then have the Best Man escort your Bridesmaid, and FH escort you down the aisle. It avoids the to and fro-ing. I loved the idea of FH walking me down for my ceremony, but my dad really wanted to do it (I had been married before and in my head was already 'given away'). So I didn't get that opportunity. I think it's a really sweet and romantic way to do it. My fingers are crossed for you that your dad changes his mind.
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 7:48 am

fh I are walking down together :D I love my dad and it is no direspect from me but I have lived out of home for 11 years, it's been a while since he's done any rea nurturing and I think it woud look a bit silly being 'given away" when fh and I have lived together for many many years.
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 8:49 am

Let Mum walk you down the aisle as I have seen that numerous times and it looks fine to me!
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 9:31 am

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's refusal to walk you down the aisle - especially since it means so much to you..

I really like the idea you've suggested about having FH meet you at the top of the aisle and the two of you walking down together. I would let the BM walk past your FH and take her/their place at the end of the aisle, and then you and FH walk down together.. It would be lovely and romatic!!
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 10:03 am

That is sad... as everyone's said - I hope your dad changes his mind...
If I was in that situation, I'd either walk down on my own or walk down with FH....
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 10:42 am

I would walk down with my FH, like Miz R suggested have the best man walk your BM, and then you and your FH.
 
Wiz
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 10:42 am

I walked down the aisle myself, although for different reasons. My dad was playing and singing my down the aisle song, so couldn't walk with me as well. Also my Dad is a raging feminist who didn't believe in giving me away, although he would have if I'd asked.

Anyway, I thought about having my mum or my brother or my grandfather and eventually figured there's no use having someone just for the sake of it; to fill a 'gap' that had been made by my Dad not doing it. And I liked the implication that I am independant and I have made this choice and I am bringing myself to DH. I'm quite shy and thought it would be very daunting by myself but it didn't matter at all.

Would your dad walk you down the aisle but not do an official 'giving away'? Walk with you as a show of support and respecting your decision (which I assume he is, but acknowledge that this may not be the case).
 
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kristal
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 11:03 am

That is soooo sad! Surely he can put his beliefs to the side for one day to enjoy watching his daughter be happy?

Anyway, I would honestly either have your mother walk you down the isle, or walk halfway down on your own and then get your FH to walk you the rest of the way.
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:29 pm

Sorry to hear about your Dad's decision, hopefully closer to the date he will change his tune.
I think it would be lovely if you either walked the whole aisle with your FH or he met you at the start
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:09 pm

Walk down the aisle with your FH. It is really symbolic of the two of you "walking down the garden path of life" together... it's 2009! You are no loner the chattels of your father and you can make your own choices. Good luck!
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:14 pm

Sorry to hear about your Dad! It is very sad that he won't put his beleifs aside for one day to support his daughter on the most important day of her life.

I would highly recommend having you mum walk you down the aisle - going by the reasons you have stated of why it is important to have your dad, I think your mum is more than qualified for the job!

Good luck and big hugs!!!
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 6:37 pm

wow that's full on! I'd be pretty upset... My dad is a pastor and me n FH live together now and he doesn't support it but dad is still marrying us (he's our celebrant) so it's sad your dad won't give you away. What does your mum think? ARe you sure your dad won't do it? Will he walk you down but not give you away?

I like the idea of Fh walking you down.. but then again... I would want FH at the alter watching me and waiting for me...

Maybe get your brothers?


I am sorry I am not much help! good luck n let us know!
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 7:12 pm

vegie girl wrote:

My Dad has very strong personal religious beliefs and for this reason he is unable to give me to a man he doesn't believe is right for me. This saddens me greatly, and is really the only tarnish on planning our day, particularly has my two sisters enjoyed Dad's full support for their choices...


This is really sad to hear. I hope he comes around. I can't imagine how it must feel to be marrying someone who isn't accepted by your family. Is your Dad still happy to attend the wedding? If it means that much will he escort you down the aisle but just not do the "giving" in the ceremony.

vegie girl wrote:
But I am old fashioned and for me there is nothing that can really replace a Father's right, responsibility and priviledge of handing his daughter over to the man she would willingly give herself to. Dad has been the one to nuture, protect and care for me all these years, and I believe it is his, and only his "right" to give me over to another man to care for me in the years ahead. I know its old fashioned, but I just can't get my head around asking anyone else to do it. To me that would be disrespectful.

I think you have answered your own question here. If you ask someone else you may look back and wish you hadn't it so I think you should walk down the aisle to your future husband by yourself. At the end of the day, it will be your Dad who has to deal with those regrets, not you.
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 9:07 pm

Hi Girls,

Thanks for the advice so far. I should've clarified a few things.

My Dad is a Minister and a man of principle; something I greatly respect and admire him for. He won't change his mind about giving me away, and nor will he concede to the symbolic guesture of walking me even part of the way. It remains to be seen whether he and my Mum (and my sisters) will come to the wedding, even though we are all close. My Mum is also of the same beliefs.

I only have one bridesmaid. What about if she walks up first and then my FH is waiting for me at the start? Do you think that would work? Not too much coming and going?

And thanks too for your support. I am so sad at the situation but I have to do what I feel is right, and I am so in love with FH I just cannot imagine my life without him by my side. If I had just one wish . . .
 
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Re: What to do if Dad won't walk you down the isle

Fri Jun 26, 2009 9:31 pm

When are you getting married? Is there a chance at all they will come around? Who are they to decide how you are supposed to feel for someone, and whether the person YOU choose or right or wrong. Loving someone is subjective and such an individual choice. They should respect you enough to let you make you own decision.
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