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SapphireSunset
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2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 9:56 am

Hi girls

Was wondering if I could pick you for some advice

I am thinking about having a 3rd bridesmaid, now honestly I am stuck between 2 girls and I hate feeling like I have to pick.

Possible BM1 is a girl that I work with and get along well with, she is always asking about our wedding and has become quite a good friend although come the time of the wedding I would of known her coming 4yrs.

Possible BM2 is a girl that I hung around with when I was a kid. I have known her since the age of 12 and we used to do everything together until we had a falling out when we were 15. I have in the last 12months caught up with her again as she found me on facebook and was thinking mabe of asking her to be my BM.

the down fall to my situation is that I have to CHOOSE ONE OF THEM !!!

The pro's and cons of them:

Pros -BM1 - She lives local, we get along great, always wants to know about the planning of our wedding, made the extra effort to come to our engagement party even if she did come as soon as she finished work later in the evening, she would also make a fantastic BM
Cons -She is 9yrs younger than me, myself and fh would like to ask her partner to come to the wedding as well because he gets along with fh too but we don't want him to feel isolated on the day and alone.

then there would be the issue of the bridal party seating, would it be tacky if she was to sit at a normal guest table with him with my other 2 bms at the bridal table ?

Pros - BM2 - I have known her since I was 12
Cons -She lives 7hrs drive away, we have only just started talking again in the last 12months by finding each other on facebook, Its been 13yrs. She was invited to our engagement party, made a fuss and all excited about coming and then the week before told us she could not come. She could do this to the wedding too ???

IDK I hate making decisions, especially such important ones lol.
 
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mellyk83
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 9:59 am

Reading that I don't really see how they compare although u have only known BM1 for 4 yrs I don't think that is a dowf I have only known one of my BM's for that long but I don't think time should determine how good of friends u r.. And u have only been speaking with BM2 for the past 12mths after so long, from those details if I was you I would go BM 1 she lives closer u have been good friends u already know she is interested..
 
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bonnyh
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:03 am

IMHO, BM1 she sounds more like a friend then BM2,
Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time doesn't mean they should be a BM :)
 
Autumn2010
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:07 am

You already sound like you want BM1. She is there, she is supportive. It doesn't mater if she is 9 years younger or only known for 4 years. The role of the bridesmaid is to help you with the planning and on the day.
As for sitting the partner on his own, he will make friends. Just sit him at a table of people you think he will get along with. Its not that he will end up on his own all night.
 
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pinklilli
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:16 am

I agree with the above comments, BM 1 does sound like your preferred choice. Sometimes it helps to write down your options and when you see it in writing it becomes a little more obvious.

IMO I don't think it will matter if BM 1's partner sits at a table with other people and the BM sits at the bridal table for the meal and toasts (particularly if the partner is sitting with at least 1 person he knows). When I was BM for my MOH, I sat at the bridal table and my partner at the time sat with the other guests. He knew one of them and by the time the night was over he was almost best buddies with everyone at the table. I only sat at the bridal table for eating the meal and the toasts, then I went and sat with my partner. The other BMs did this as well. No one noticed because the happy couple were busy doing the rounds with the guests between meals and afterwards.
 
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TinaBeans
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 10:21 am

pinklilli wrote:
I agree with the above comments, BM 1 does sound like your preferred choice. Sometimes it helps to write down your options and when you see it in writing it becomes a little more obvious.

IMO I don't think it will matter if BM 1's partner sits at a table with other people and the BM sits at the bridal table for the meal and toasts (particularly if the partner is sitting with at least 1 person he knows). When I was BM for my MOH, I sat at the bridal table and my partner at the time sat with the other guests. He knew one of them and by the time the night was over he was almost best buddies with everyone at the table. I only sat at the bridal table for eating the meal and the toasts, then I went and sat with my partner. The other BMs did this as well. No one noticed because the happy couple were busy doing the rounds with the guests between meals and afterwards.


Agree with this- it doesn't really matter if she's at the table with her partner for most of the night, as long as she's at the bridal table for toasts etc. People tend to move around anyway.
 
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kristal
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 12:05 pm

bonnyh wrote:
IMHO, BM1 she sounds more like a friend then BM2,
Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time doesn't mean they should be a BM :)


I agree. No contest - BM1 would be my ultimate choice. I don't think you have to worry about the boyfriend and seating arrangement either. I am sure he will be fine with sitting on his own for one night - I am sure he will have fun with whomever he sits with. Just sit all your bridal party together.
 
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 12:59 pm

bonnyh wrote:
IMHO, BM1 she sounds more like a friend then BM2,
Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time doesn't mean they should be a BM :)


I agree with Bonnyh, I wouldn't chance BM2 with making a fuss about the wedding if she did that on your engagement.
 
jaynage
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 1:02 pm

Looking at the comparison between the pros and cons for both BMs, it looks like you've already made your choice. Also, just wondering why the fact that BM 1 is 9 years younger than you is a 'con'?
 
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Allicat9
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 1:07 pm

Agreed with the others - I think BM1 is the way to go!
 
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*danni*
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:05 pm

I'd say BM 1- but I'd leave it awhile before asking, your wedding is a fair while away, why don't you wait and see how things play out?
 
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SapphireSunset
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:32 pm

Thanks girls, your opinions have made my decision that much more easier, I think in my heart I knew what way to go.

jaynage wrote:
Looking at the comparison between the pros and cons for both BMs, it looks like you've already made your choice. Also, just wondering why the fact that BM 1 is 9 years younger than you is a 'con'?



It's not really a con to say the most, I don't know why I put it down that way.
 
Nov09 Bride
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 6:07 pm

If I were in your shoes (and this is purely my opinion) I would pick BM1.

I had 3 BM and have not long added a 4th. The 4th BM I added sounds just like your BM 1 - I should mention that I have also changed a BM since then and swapped out one that sounds just like your BM 2 - are you confused yet???

Basically, my 'addition' I would have only known for just over 2 years come the wedding date but she has been such a good friend to me in that time. She is actually FH's best mate and we just click - I don't think it matters how long you have known someone, it's the type of friendship you have that matters!

My swapped out BM (just like your BM 2) wasn't really interested in the wedding, never asked about it and it just didn't feel right but I thought I would ask her as I have known her since I was 17 (now 33).

At the end of the day of course it is your choice but believe me, it's alot harder to get rid of a BM that is not interested and it's such a joy to have a bunch of them that are just as excited as you.

My money's on BM 1....... :D
 
ellejay
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 7:21 pm

Hands down BM1 but you have pretty much decided that! I would sit her bf at a guest table and her at the bridal table. If you think he will feel awkward can you maybe do something social with them and the people he will likely be sitting with to make him feel more comfortable before the day?

I am curious as to why you want to add another BM though. Is your bridal party uneven or did you always plan to add someone? If you aren'[t 100% sure about what to do then i think wait it out and see how the friendships are fairing in 6 months or so and decide.
 
Secret Love
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Re: 2 questions re: 1. BM's 2. BM & her partner

Tue Jun 30, 2009 7:33 pm

WAIT!!! I saw that you have over a year and a half left, and the best advice i can give is to wait. You dont know where you will be in a years time, you could end up closer to one, or you may find a new one. I chose my bridesmaids 8 months before my wedding, because i had a list from when we were engaged (june 07) and i changed it that many times you wouldnt believe it. Because none of them are "like your sister" i would try to get closer to them. Perhaps see your friend from work outside of work etc.
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