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Tara14
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INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:26 pm

I have some younger rellies and friends who have partners they've barely known for a couple of months. Most of the partners seem to be people my rellies/friends are just fooling around with and are not in any serious relationship.
If you were paying $135 per head at your reception, would you be inviting 10 or more plus 1's you've never met and your guests barely know either? :?
That's $1350 worth of people I don't regard as friends or family. They would have other relations attending, so it's not like they would be without any company during the wedding day.
I'd much rather use the invitation for another family member, or personal friend. My FH and I have a guest limitation at our wedding, so we see more logic in inviting people who we believe should be there.
Is anyone else stuck in similar siutation?
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:39 pm

I'm afraid of the same thing happening so we're just going to try and be strict . If our guests have been dating people for a while before the wedding that aren't in serious relationships and/or we haven't even met the partner we're not going to be inviting them.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:42 pm

If they aren't in a serious relationship (after a couple if months, most probably aren't that serious yet although there may be a couple of exceptions) then I'd say a big, huge fat NO to inviting extra people.

They have other family to talk to, it's not like they'll be loners. If it was me, I'd definitely prefer to invite a close friend who would love to celebrate with us!
 
Tara14
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:44 pm

Daughter wrote:
I'm afraid of the same thing happening so we're just going to try and be strict . If our guests have been dating people for a while before the wedding that aren't in serious relationships and/or we haven't even met the partner we're not going to be inviting them.


I'm glad someone agrees with me on this matter. I think it's more imperative to have family and friends sharing your wedding day. Your only getting married once, and family are going to get more value from attending than a stranger your guest barely knows.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:00 pm

The way we dealt with this was to basically not invite anyone we didn't know. If we had only met their partner once or twice, even if they had been together for a couple of years (and in one case were even married), then they weren't invited. We just explained that we wanted a small wedding with only people that we were really close to. The exception that we made to this was if they didn't really know anyone else that was coming.
It caused some problems at the time and we made some compromises (like the other half could come to the reception but not the ceremony, we really wanted a small intimate ceremony). But looking back, if anything I would be more strict with it. It was these “plus ones” or the family that we only invited to make other people happy that stuffed us around at the last minute. If I had my time over, I wouldn’t invite any of them. The lesson I learnt was ignore them, stick to your guns, and only invite who you really want there.


amberino21 wrote:
If they aren't in a serious relationship (after a couple if months, most probably aren't that serious yet although there may be a couple of exceptions) then I'd say a big, huge fat NO to inviting extra people.


I really don’t like the idea of judging the “seriousness” of someone else’s relationship, I don’t really think its fair to anyone and I think putting it in those terms is more likely to upset people. I think, “we don’t know this person so they are not invited” is safer than “we don’t think your relationship is serious enough at this stage to invite this person.” I also went with “if this person was throwing themselves a big birthday party, would they invite us? No. Well them why should they be coming our wedding.”
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:21 pm

keluc1 wrote:
If we had only met their partner once or twice, even if they had been together for a couple of years (and in one case were even married), then they weren't invited.


Wow, that's a little harsh in my opinion. It is a tough one, but i'd be very surprised if some people (especially the married couple) weren't quite offended by this.

Personally, I won't be inviting my 17 year old cousin's boyfriend that have only been dating for 2 months for example, but generally i'll be inviting partners.

amberino21 wrote:
If they aren't in a serious relationship (after a couple if months, most probably aren't that serious yet although there may be a couple of exceptions) then I'd say a big, huge fat NO to inviting extra people.


I pretty much agree with this, while it is hard to determine how serious some people's relationship's are, it's probably the way i'd try to approach it.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:26 pm

keluc1 wrote:
The way we dealt with this was to basically not invite anyone we didn't know. If we had only met their partner once or twice, even if they had been together for a couple of years (and in one case were even married), then they weren't invited. We just explained that we wanted a small wedding with only people that we were really close to. The exception that we made to this was if they didn't really know anyone else that was coming.
It caused some problems at the time and we made some compromises (like the other half could come to the reception but not the ceremony, we really wanted a small intimate ceremony). But looking back, if anything I would be more strict with it. It was these “plus ones” or the family that we only invited to make other people happy that stuffed us around at the last minute. If I had my time over, I wouldn’t invite any of them. The lesson I learnt was ignore them, stick to your guns, and only invite who you really want there.


amberino21 wrote:
If they aren't in a serious relationship (after a couple if months, most probably aren't that serious yet although there may be a couple of exceptions) then I'd say a big, huge fat NO to inviting extra people.


I really don’t like the idea of judging the “seriousness” of someone else’s relationship, I don’t really think its fair to anyone and I think putting it in those terms is more likely to upset people. I think, “we don’t know this person so they are not invited” is safer than “we don’t think your relationship is serious enough at this stage to invite this person.” I also went with “if this person was throwing themselves a big birthday party, would they invite us? No. Well them why should they be coming our wedding.”


that was just the way it was written in the original post. The way I see it, if our friends were single but started seeing someone, we'd be introduced if that person meant anything to them. Luckily we aren't in that position and won't be...
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:35 pm

It might be harsh but I will most definitely be judging the 'seriousness' of relationships. I of course won't be telling the guests this but if my 18 year old cousin or 19 year old stepsister for example are dating people for quite some time who I have met on regular occassions (ie. they're considered important enough to attend family functions) then I would invite them. However if I think a month after our wedding they won't be around anymore than I'll more than likely not be inviting them.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:40 pm

we're kinda lucky cos we're either friends with couples, or singles, so dont have the problem of not knowing partners. i have 3 friends tho that are from a different cirle of friends and as they will only know each other, im inviting their partners as well (who i have met a couple of times, but wouldnt consider them friends of mine).

i wouldnt invite a partner of a guest, just becuase they have one, especially if they themselves dont know them very well. as you said, thats $1350 that could be spent of people that you know, or on other extras/honeymoon etc.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:43 pm

We will be doing the same thing. We've kinda implemented the 12 month rule if they havent been together or we've never met them before they won't be getting an invite. It may sound harsh but you cant afford to do everything & most people would genuinely understand that.
 
Tara14
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:52 pm

Thanks for the feedback everyone :D
Wedding lists are such a difficult task. One thing I am sticking by is our guest limitations. I told my mum and my FH's mum that if there were any extra family members they wanted invited, they would have to pay for them. They both agreed to this, so this idea has been rather good so far.
I would feel nasty for not inviting a few plus 1's, but I just think about the money it would cost to have all those strangers at your wedding. There would simply be no value for them (and us) to have them invited.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:55 pm

If you want to go by etiquette, it's appropriate to invite guests' partners that you don't know, only if they are engaged, married, or living together as a couple. In your situation, I wouldn't be inviting those extras who you don't know.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 3:10 pm

hm... my reply seems to have disappeared! oh well..

we have very limited numbers (due to venue), so we've told certain family members who change boyfriends every few months that their partners will not be invited. they're welcome to come to the ceremony, but there's no room at the reception. if they're married they're welcome, but otherwise it's not happening.
 
Tara14
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 3:17 pm

xkellie wrote:
hm... my reply seems to have disappeared! oh well..

we have very limited numbers (due to venue), so we've told certain family members who change boyfriends every few months that their partners will not be invited. they're welcome to come to the ceremony, but there's no room at the reception. if they're married they're welcome, but otherwise it's not happening.


I think you need to have a strict strategy on this matter. My main concern in all of this is the partner's of my cousins etc. There are some cousins I wish to invite which I have not seen myself in years, so it puts me off even more to invite their partners aswell.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 5:29 pm

LillyPie wrote:
keluc1 wrote:
If we had only met their partner once or twice, even if they had been together for a couple of years (and in one case were even married), then they weren't invited.


Wow, that's a little harsh in my opinion. It is a tough one, but i'd be very surprised if some people (especially the married couple) weren't quite offended by this.



They weren't. The women who's husband we didn't invite actually helped me write the guest list and come up with the rules on how to have a small wedding. And it meant her husband stayed home to mind the kids while she got to have a day off. I understand tho that some people would be offended by this and it wouldn't be worth upsetting people about. Then again, I have an ex-aunt (she and my uncle divorced when I was about 5 and I haven't seen her since) who was very offended that she wasn't invited...go figure!
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 7:47 pm

I think that no matter what someone is going to be offended by not being invited to your wedding. You just have to remember that it is your day and the reception is your celebration of your union - not a people pleasing event. If you don't feel you know someone well enough to invite them then why should you be worried if they are offended?

In terms of plus ones I think a good rule of thumb is if they are married, engaged, or in an equivalent long term relationship to someone you're inviting they should be invited. If they've only been dating a few months and you barely know them then you should feel no obligation to invite them, particularly if you want a more intimate reception or costs are simply too much. If your friends or family care enough about you they should respect your decision not to invite their partner and get over themselves. Everyone knows that weddings are by no means cheap and one more person is actually quite a big commitment.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Wed Jul 21, 2010 7:51 pm

If you're inviting plus ones you can't have strings attached IMO. The point of the plus one is so singles who may otherwise feel a bit lonely or isolated (such as non-family members) have a friend/ partner there for company. Which to me is perfectly reasonable.

Sparkley1 wrote:
You just have to remember that it is your day and the reception is your celebration of your union - not a people pleasing event.


I don't completely agree with this- yes a wedding is about the bride and groom, however I also think it's appropriate to consider your guests' enjoyment.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:25 am

Tara14 wrote:
I have some younger rellies and friends who have partners they've barely known for a couple of months. Most of the partners seem to be people my rellies/friends are just fooling around with and are not in any serious relationship.
If you were paying $135 per head at your reception, would you be inviting 10 or more plus 1's you've never met and your guests barely know either? :?
That's $1350 worth of people I don't regard as friends or family. They would have other relations attending, so it's not like they would be without any company during the wedding day.
I'd much rather use the invitation for another family member, or personal friend. My FH and I have a guest limitation at our wedding, so we see more logic in inviting people who we believe should be there.
Is anyone else stuck in similar siutation?


We had this problem with DFs friends there alway with different people and I said no to putting & guest on there invites. My DF also has a friend whos partner wanted to be with my him first and he dosnt like her and I didnt want the uncomfyness at my wedding so I didnt put & partner on his either.

I know it sounds mean or whatever, but its your wedding and it costs alot of money PP! Weve had to invite our sons godfathers parents and there family to come is costing me an extra $275 and Im not happy about it.

For us every little cent more that we spend on the wedding takes out of our honeymoon spending!
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:37 am

I wanted to also add that

My and DF have been together almost 3 years and If I wasnt invited to a wedding or party he was invited to I know he wouldnt attend.

So maybe try to please the people that you really want to come.
 
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Re: INVITING A PLUS 1 YOUR GUEST BARELY KNOWS THEMSELVES!!! :S

Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:24 pm

Our policy will be: friends will get a Plus 1. Relos, unless I know (of) the partner wont get one. They are rellies, they will already know stacks of people at the wedding, unlike mates who may only know one or two others.

Sounds harsh, maybe, but I think it is fair.

Having said that, my FH was invited to his cousin's wedding, and I wasn't included. Given that we had already been together for 3 years and was WELL known to the cousin - I was very offended. FH was also offended, so much so that he didn't go to the wedding at all. (this couple also picked one out of married couples too... which is WRONG in my opinion)
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