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divasew
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What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 1:16 pm

I have a bit of a dilemma. We have been invited to a wedding in Jan and the reception is finger food only (and I know the venues prices
are $20 a head max and less, and we also have to buy our own drinks including soft drink. The couple are having a wishing well and are
asking for gifts of money. I know you should cover what you think they have spent on your meal, so does $50 from both of us seem
reasonable to you? I just dont want to seem like a cheapstake. What do you think? :D
 
NN
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 1:57 pm

As a general rule I believe that you should at least cover the costs of what they are spending. However, one needs to remember that the traditional offering of a present (or money) is intended to help the couple get on their way to their shared life, I know it might be different for couples who already live together and have most things, but to me the principle still stands.

Your are there to help them celebrate their ocassion but I'm sorry I don't think that you having to buy your own drinks counts, I know we all have a budget and we have to take all spending into account by I'd like to think that they invited you because you are somehow close and they genuinely want to share with you and you genuinely care for them, in that case I would make an effort depending on the relationship and regardless of whether they are spending $40.00 on your meals.

I don't want to sound harsh or offend you, I just think we can't just say well if they only spend $20.00 on me and I also need to buy my own drinks, why should I give them anymore....
 
LillyPie
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:25 pm

Yamile wrote:
As a general rule I believe that you should at least cover the costs of what they are spending. However, one needs to remember that the traditional offering of a present (or money) is intended to help the couple get on their way to their shared life, I know it might be different for couples who already live together and have most things, but to me the principle still stands.

Your are there to help them celebrate their ocassion but I'm sorry I don't think that you having to buy your own drinks counts, I know we all have a budget and we have to take all spending into account by I'd like to think that they invited you because you are somehow close and they genuinely want to share with you and you genuinely care for them, in that case I would make an effort depending on the relationship and regardless of whether they are spending $40.00 on your meals.

I don't want to sound harsh or offend you, I just think we can't just say well if they only spend $20.00 on me and I also need to buy my own drinks, why should I give them anymore....


I completely disagree to be honest (but that's ok, always good to have differing opinions).

I think the fact that they aren't providing drinks is very relevant. You'll already have to spend more than you would normally because you are buying your own alcohol, that comes off the present money if you ask me. I normally give $200 for a wishing well from me and my partner (for close friends anyway, workmates, relatives etc might only get $100). And this probably doesn't cover per head prices, as most formal reception prices are approx $120 per head these days. But i think giving $200 is plenty as a gift.

But anyway, if I was invited to the wedding you mentioned, if they were close friends i would probably give them $100 but if they weren't, I would consider putting in less, say $50 as you mentioned. Also, is it an anonymous wishing well, or will you put the money inside the card?

I personally don't think you can have it both ways, ie, doing your wedding cheaply, but still expecting the big presents. In all honestly, I'm surprised they're even having a wishing well. To me it just seems a little scabby to be having an extra cheap reception but then asking for cash of guests.
 
Darens Girl

Re:

Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:28 pm

Image
Last edited by Darens Girl on Sun Feb 20, 2011 4:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
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emmylouly
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:13 pm

divasew wrote:
I have a bit of a dilemma. We have been invited to a wedding in Jan and the reception is finger food only (and I know the venues prices
are $20 a head max and less, and we also have to buy our own drinks including soft drink. The couple are having a wishing well and are
asking for gifts of money. I know you should cover what you think they have spent on your meal, so does $50 from both of us seem
reasonable to you? I just dont want to seem like a cheapstake. What do you think? :D

Are you sure they are paying $20pp? That seems very cheap even for fingerfood.

I do think $50 in total does seem a little on the light side for a wedding gift - if you are trying to 'cover costs' then I think you need to consider there are a lot of costs that relate to having you there other than the food - decor, cake, bonbonierre, dj - granted these are not costs that really increase with extra guests.

But in the end I think it is up to you - I suppose you know these people better. Did they attend your wedding? Maybe you can go off what they spent/got for you?
 
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:39 pm

.
Last edited by Miss2Mrs on Wed Jun 15, 2011 3:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
beachwedding
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:41 pm

emmylouly wrote:
divasew wrote:

I do think $50 in total does seem a little on the light side for a wedding gift - if you are trying to 'cover costs' then I think you need to consider there are a lot of costs that relate to having you there other than the food - decor, cake, bonbonierre, dj - granted these are not costs that really increase with extra guests.

As above
Our catering cost is $40.00 a head but we have to pay for venue hire,chair covers,linen,cake,drinks etc it looking like nearly $100 pre person
 
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divasew
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:09 pm

The reception is at a pub and Im not sure if there will be a dj or even any music. Im pretty sure there wont be chair covers, dont know
about any bonboniere and her sister is making the cake. I think I might just buy a gift and be done with it. That way it wont matter about
the amount of money. And to answer a question above, no they didnt attend our wedding, but the brides parents did. Our reception was
over $100 per head and included a five course meal, canapes and drinks. :D
 
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:29 pm

Miss2Mrs wrote:
I think 50 is too cheap, but for some reason 80 'sounds' nicer (go figure haha)
id just give 100


I'm with you. I would feel a little cheap giving $50 but that is my opinion only, regardless if a sibling is making the cake or if there having chair covers or not or what my own wedding cost. Aslong as you are happy with the contribution or gift you are giving that is all that matters.
 
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 6:16 pm

divasew wrote:
The reception is at a pub and Im not sure if there will be a dj or even any music. Im pretty sure there wont be chair covers, dont know
about any bonboniere and her sister is making the cake. I think I might just buy a gift and be done with it. That way it wont matter about
the amount of money. And to answer a question above, no they didnt attend our wedding, but the brides parents did. Our reception was
over $100 per head and included a five course meal, canapes and drinks. :D


how much the couple spend on their celebrations has no bearing on the gift I give. It's not a price match..

I give a gift as a celebration of their marriage, and to help them get/do something they want or need. Just because they decide to have a cheaper reception (even if it's not because they can't afford more) doesn't mean the occasion is any less special or mean you should treat them any differently to other friends. IMO, if they are having a low key wedding because of their situation, I'd try and be more generous!
 
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 6:25 pm

Well i think it depends on how well you know them.

For close/best friends i always give $200, Other friends $150 and people i don't know that well $100.
You should just give whatever you feel is justified, and if thats $50 then go for it. I dont think that there is a right or wrong answer to this?

I know people that are coming to our wedding arent giving us anything because it is costing them money to fly & pay for accom, which i think is very reasonable.
Just do whatever you feel is right. If you were in their position, what would you "expect"?
 
jaynage
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 6:46 pm

I personally would never give less than $100 as a wishing well contribution, regardless of whether the reception was in a fully catered wedding venue, or a backyard BBQ. That's just me.
 
LillyPie
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Re: What Is A Reasonable Amount To Give?

Fri Aug 27, 2010 6:58 pm

It is sort of hard to give less than $100, as $50 does seem a bit low, but $70-$80 is just a weird amount. But in this situation I would definitely be giving less than what you would for a fully catered wedding. The fact is, you have to spend money to go to their wedding (ie. you have to buy your own drinks even soft drink) so it's only natural you wouldn't give as much as a gift.

People aren't made of money. You can't get the $200 wishing well gift and expect people to spend say another $100 on alcohol/drinks for the night. Of course some of you disagree, but that's the way I feel about it.

But as you said, you are just going to buy a gift which will really solve your dilemma. Then you can spend what you want without the value being advertised.
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