A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
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kirig86
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Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:37 am

One of my bridesmaids is absolutely hopeless. To start with the following is a list of some of the things she has done:

1. I organised FH mother to do dress alterations as shes a retired seemstress and BM has missed 2 of her dress fittings. 1 of which i was supposed to meet BM at FMILs house and so was just left waiting for almost an hour of FMIL making snide little comments about my crappy friend and the other fitting i went to BM house to pick her up so she had no excuse not to show up for the fitting and i waited another hour and she wasnt even hom. I called and left messages, i emailed her and i smsd her and i also emailed her boyfriend and called her mum and smsd her sister with no luck getting in touch so now she just has to wear it baggy cause shes run out of time
2. the best man got a threat made on his life from BMs boyfriend cause BM lied about a guy with the same name hitting on her and the boy friend got jeleous and so not only is the best man freaking out but i emailed the boyfriend saying there must be a mistake and worded everything really nicely asking if there was anything i could do to help sort it all out et and i got an email back from him saying "well thats not what i hear, you need a reality check and get your f**king facts straight"- that was the entire message!!! :y_shoched: :cry:
3. she doesnt pick up her phone- mobile or home line
4. doesnt answer emails
5. ignores sms messages
6. showed up an hour and a half late to my hens night party and she was supposed to come 2 hours early to help set up with me and other BM and to top that she left early and was supposed to share the cost of the hotel room we were staying at and she baled on that too meaing i had to folk out an extra $200 at the last minute! And she made us all late for the pole dancing lesson so we really only ended up getting 20 mins instead of over an hour.
7. she never showed up to the wedding rehersal yesterday afternoon either.
8. Everyone on the bridal party HATES HER!!!

So thats my rant. And now i need a solution.

I dont have any other size 14-16 friends and its only a week before the wedding!!! So now im wondering if its worth while asking for a bridesmaid replacement on WC? So my question is can i ask for a bridesmaid for a day or is that really weird? cause i dont know what else to do

The ad:

Needs to be between a 14- 16 size wopman
between 20 and 30 years old as the rest of the bridal party is 24-27
needs to be a size 8.5-9.5 in shoes or willing to suffer in the wrong size :(
need to be available on Friday the 15th of October and in Sydney

perks:

free meal
free makeup & hair done
really good looking single groomsman as partner

lol even writing this i sound so lame
Last edited by kirig86 on Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
 
Sparky!
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:50 am

I would suggest just sacking her, and not stressing about uneven numbers. She clearly doesn't want to be involved!
 
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jodieo88
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:54 am

I would sack her. We are having uneven numbers and there's nothing weird about it. Get one of the groomsmen to do dancing with their missus rather than a BM.

Uninvite her and get rid of her out of your life, she clearly isnt worth the time of day, and seems to think that your not either. :e_hug: :e_hug: :e_hug:
 
mrsctobe2011
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:56 am

jodieo88 wrote:
I would sack her. We are having uneven numbers and there's nothing weird about it. Get one of the groomsmen to do dancing with their missus rather than a BM.

Uninvite her and get rid of her out of your life, she clearly isnt worth the time of day, and seems to think that your not either. :e_hug: :e_hug: :e_hug:


I agree with Jodie, sack her or she is just going to ruin your day.
 
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kirig86
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:57 am

the groomsmen doesnt have a partner and he has already said to me he would feel weird with dancing alone or the alternative of not dancing at all
 
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Neptune
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:59 am

Wow big hugs Kiri :e_hug: You don't need all this added stress!

Ditch her - its not worth your sanity. She clearly couldn't careless about anyone but herself, god knows what would happen at the wedding- if she even turns up. Unfortunately weddings can bring out the worst in people, if this is how she treats you and your FH in the lead up to your special day she doesn't deserve to be apart of your lives.

Don't stress about uneven numbers - its quite common and the photographer will know how to position people so that photos don't look out of balance.
 
Sparky!
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:59 am

kirig86 wrote:
the groomsmen doesnt have a partner and he has already said to me he would feel weird with dancing alone or the alternative of not dancing at all


surely he knows at least ONE female at the wedding?
 
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kirig86
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:01 am

he honestly doesnt. he hangs out with a completely different group of friends so noone knows him and he doesnt know anyone either
 
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kirig86
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:03 am

My other thought was that i really do need a second BM as ive already paid for everything eg i had to buy her shoes and dress even + hair and makeup and jewellery are all paid for too.
 
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:07 am

Sparky! wrote:
kirig86 wrote:
the groomsmen doesnt have a partner and he has already said to me he would feel weird with dancing alone or the alternative of not dancing at all


surely he knows at least ONE female at the wedding?


Yes, he could dance with a friend or even one of your female relatives perhaps? An aunt or similar? The bridal party dance isn't really important!
Don't stress about the uneven numbers or no-one for him to dance with, it would be better than having a useless BM (that you will regret)!!

(I had to chuckle though, if only I could afford to fly to Sydney, I meet all your other advert requirements! :lol: Shoes might be slighty too big, but I could also pad them out with heel savers :lol:)

Honestly though, even if everything is already paid for, I think I'd rather pay the money and have no-one use it than have a stranger as someone in my wedding photos. You can sell the dress/shoes/jewellery on and maybe you have a relative or a different guest who could have the treat of having their hair and make-up done.
 
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jodieo88
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:10 am

Well maybe make a groomsman with a girlfriend be the single GM?
 
Kazbah
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:10 am

Yep I agree - i would suggest not having her on the bridal party anymore. I also wouldn't worry about uneven numbers - i think it will look fine!

Have you spoken to her...sat her down and asked her what her problem is? The reason I ask is a similar thing happened to my cousin, although not to the same degree but generally not very involved etc etc. Then after the wedding the bridesmaid had a huge fight with the bride (my cousin). I want go into details but basically she felt my cousin had been very self orientated since organising her wedding and didn't really spend much time with her as a friend doing non bridal stuff.

There was obviously more to it than that BUT the friendship was over (the wedding was 2 years ago). Whilst the bridesmaids behaviour was very out of line, my cousin wished she had sat down and worked through the issues beforehand.

I am not implying that your bridesmaid feels the same - but clearly she has issues with something - best to work out what that is and try and resolve it.

Good luck!!
 
sidonie
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:31 am

Can you ask someone at work maybe?
 
gettingmarried.eep
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:55 am

I *really* think it would be strange to have a stranger in your bridal party. How would you explain your relationship to people when they asked??

I honestly don't understand the concern of an uneven bridal party. You've spend the money on the goods, but I think you'll be better off trying to sell the goods and dump this friend. You don't need that drama in your life
 
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MalinViktoria
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:27 am

Sparky! wrote:
I would suggest just sacking her, and not stressing about uneven numbers. She clearly doesn't want to be involved!


I agree. She doesn't sounds like she deserves to be your BM, and she'll be useless on the day.
 
LillyPie
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:30 am

If you really don't want her in the wedding, maybe just tell her not to bother, and just go with uneven numbers. You probably should ditch her, as you might end up regretting having her in it when you look back at the photos. And from what it sounds like, she has not much interest in the friendship (given how crap she's been with everything), so chances are you won't be friends with her after this anyway.

If your main concern with uneven numbers is the groomsman not having anyone to dance with, just don't get the bridal party to get up and dance. We have even numbers for our bridal party (3 each), and we're going to dance but we're not going to bother getting the bridal party to dance with us. I just don't see the point of it. We'd rather they just danced with their own partners when everyone else gets up to dance. All your guests will be excited to see you and your partner dance, but no one really cares about seeing the bridal party dance.

As for finding a replacement, that's kind of a bad idea. For starters, you won't know this person and it'll be weird (almost embarrassing) when people ask how you know each other. And people in your wedding party should be the closest girls in your life, not someone you've never met. And also, while it's an absolute joy to be part of a close friend/sister/cousin's wedding, if you aren't really close to the person, it's kind of a chore. I just couldn't imagine anyone being prepared to step in as a bridesmaid when they've never met you.

Sorry, I can see you are in a really hard place at the moment, especially with your wedding being so close. If you desperately want to have even numbers, then there's no way around it but to have this girl in your wedding.

Whatever happens, I hope it works out for you, and your wedding is fantastic!
 
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Miss2Mrs
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 12:02 pm

.
Last edited by Miss2Mrs on Wed Jun 15, 2011 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
smeeangel
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 1:57 pm

.
Last edited by smeeangel on Tue Jul 09, 2013 1:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
 
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**Manda**
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 3:40 pm

I agree with the other girls, Ditch her and save yourself the drama.

You dont need it this close to YOUR Day!

It makes me wonder if she can stuff up and be late to fittings etc, what would she do on the day?
 
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Nea_2505
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Re: Can I hire or borrow a bridesmaid???

Fri Oct 08, 2010 4:40 pm

I completely agree with all of the above posted! I fit what you wanted as a bm but do you really want someone who you dont really know to be a part of your most precious day?

Honestly last week I was at a wedding where a similar thing happened we all knew the background and why what happened had happened, so for us we completely understood the brides situation. I would tell her that if se cant make the effort then she is not welcome to be a part of you bridal party. Saying this might even shock some sense and manners into her.

I wish you all the best for your day and agree that perhaps you can shift the bridal party around so that a GM with a girlfriend or fiancee can be part of the danicng and give the best man another member of the bridal party. Was this girl your best friend or maid of honour? why cant your MOH be your best mans partner?

Best of luck
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