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Tarsha
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Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:05 am

Hi ladies
We are having a wishing well wedding. Our dilemma is that we are having a large ceremony, however only inviting approx 50 of our guests to carry on to our reception.

My question is....do you think it's rude to ask thos who come to the ceremony only to donate towards our wishing well, therefore having the wishing well at the ceremony? or do you feel that the only people we should ask would be those we invite back to the reception?

Would you feel offended if we invited you to the ceremony only, but still asked for you to donate to the wishing well?

As we do not have a large budget, we can not accomidate for all guests from the ceremony to be seated at the reception...however could really use the donations to the wishing well.

Please be honest. :heart:
 
amberino21
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:34 am

Yes I would be offended - I'm not inviting people to my wedding for their present or 'donation'. You aren't a charity.

If I was only invited to the ceremony I would likely send a card (pre wedding) but not a gift.

I'm not sure I agree with official invitations for just the ceremony - a word of mouth suggestion that they're welcome is fine, but not something on paper.
 
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Ali2011
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 7:21 am

amberino21 wrote:
Yes I would be offended - I'm not inviting people to my wedding for their present or 'donation'. You aren't a charity.

If I was only invited to the ceremony I would likely send a card (pre wedding) but not a gift.

I'm not sure I agree with official invitations for just the ceremony - a word of mouth suggestion that they're welcome is fine, but not something on paper.


I agree with amberino21. It would appear that you are only inviting these people to your ceremony to get money out of them. The wedding is not about getting presents or money and you really don't want it to look like that is what you are after.
 
btb89
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 7:50 am

I have to agree with Amberino as well, I would find it a bit rude tbh....
 
polkadotprincess
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:07 am

yes i would be offended, and probably wouldnt go to the wedding to be honest. its very bad etiquette
 
sidonie
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:23 am

Yup i'd be offended
 
kyiee81
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:32 am

yep I agree with the ladies I would be offended too :D
 
NN
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:40 am

I agree with them too, generally I think that you give a gift because you are happy for the couple and traditionally it was meant to help them to start their life together. However, I also think of it in terms that if the couple are not hosting the guests then a present is not necessary and a card is sufficient. I think it works both ways, if you are not in a position to spend money inviting them to the reception then you should not expect them to be in a position where they have to provide you with a donation
 
LillyPie
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:01 am

You're not serious are you? You think you can invite people to just the ceremony because you don't want to spend the money inviting them to your reception (which in itself is quite rude in my opinion), but not only that, you want them to bring money for you as a gift. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!!

If you are serious in what you are asking, you will really embarrass yourself if you request people to donate to a wishing well just for attending your ceremony, but I really have to question if this is even a serious post.
 
leena
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:17 am

People may still want to give you a gift or money/card, even if they are only invited to the ceremony. I think its a good idea to have a spot for people to put gift or cards at the ceremony just in case. but i wouldnt advertise that you expect a gift or money.

are you having a guest book at the ceremony (seeing as not all guests will be able to sign it at the reception). Perhaps you could have a table set up with the guest book on it with space for gifts/cards in case people bring gifts or money?
 
Nikkie
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:20 am

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Last edited by Nikkie on Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
 
sidonie
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:27 am

I don't think the OP is a troll. Although I can understand the initial suspicion.

OP, have you really thought about this? Because it's something that any reasonable person would see for themselves without having to be told, is quite rude.
 
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Kamio
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:39 am

If you can't accomodate most of your guests, then have a smaller wedding. If you are really struggling with money, then guests you cut from the reception list will understand. I really do think having your wishing well at the ceremony is kind of tactless and really un-classy. A wedding shouldn't be used to increase your funds . . .Idk. That's just my opinion anyway.
 
Summer_bride
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 2:02 pm

fully agree with everyone, its rude and tactless!
 
blingy
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 3:26 pm

I'd find it rude
 
tarwon
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 7:49 pm

I could say so much... but to avoid being rude I'll just say this
Yes I would be offended.
 
Scarlett
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 7:57 pm

Sorry I agree - I would be fine with an invite to the ceremony only but certainly would not then expect to contribute a gift....in fact I would assume a gift would not be required and would find a reference to a wishing well to be a bit presumptuous.
 
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jacki.louise
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:29 pm

I would definitely be offended - I would feel like I'm not good enough for you to invite to the reception - no matter how limited your budget - but you're good enough to take my money for the privilege of coming to your ceremony? You might want to give that idea some more thought! x
 
bettyrose
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:48 am

I can see how a lot of the responses are about offence, but i think it depends on circumstance & the expectations of your guests (which you know better then anyone). In church's it's very common to have a big ceremony & smaller reception. I've been to a stack of ceremony only weddings & given to the wishing well & been super priviledged to have been part of their day at all. It's fairly normal from my perspective! For me though it's a culture of blessing the couple. The wedding is about us seeing them vow to eachother & become husband & wife (no offence to others intended) rather then the party...

Im not sure asking is the right approach though. Generally at the weddings i've attended only ceremony there has been a table set up with a well & guest book. I don't think the idea is as absurd as some have expressed but again- maybe the environment and attitude i'm familiar with in regards to weddings vary from others- just as yours might?

At the end of the day, all of us responding aren't your guests... You know them better then we do & would have a better insight of how they would respond!

Good Luck with it :)
 
Tarsha
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Re: Wishing Well Issues

Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:27 pm

sorry I think I may have given the wrong idea in my message.

I am not DEMANDING or EXPECTING people to dontate to the wishing well. I am not a cold hearted person. I dont expect anything from anyone. My question was (or was meant to be) would you be offended in you received an invitation to the ceremony only, and the invitation had stated that IF YOU WANTED TO you could make a donation to the wishing well.

Personally, I would be more than happy to donate - Weddings are ridiculously expensive, and alot of the expense is often spent on making your guests comportable and entertained at both/either the ceremony or reception.

I defnitially wouldnt tell people that they had to come baring gifts of money otherwise they will not be let in the gates. I also would not be offended or upset if they choose not to donate......I guess really I just wanted to know if people would think it was kind of rude/weird to have the wishing well at the ceremony in the first place - my guests would 100% know that there donations are not EXPECTED, and it's simply a nice option should they choose to participate.

Sorry to get you girls fired up.
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