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Dandelion
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Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 5:07 pm

Hi all, I've got a bit of an odd one for you, would love some opinions.

Last week, my FBIL's gf asked us really nicely if we wouldn't mind if her mum and her nan came to our wedding ceremony as they were both looking forward to seeing it. Of course we said yes, I probably will barely even notice them! :oops: :lol:

Now I am wondering if we should try and find some seats at the reception for them, and extend them a late invitation. FH says not to bother, as we barely know them (met her parents three times and the nan once!) but I'm wondering otherwise.

FBIL and his gf are both 19 and have been together for almost 3 years now. Assuming in all good attentions that they are looking at the long haul (sounds like it anyway) there is a chance that FBILs GF will one day be my SIL, and we may see more and more of her parents over the years at family gatherings etc. We certainly have more likelihood of knowing them in 20 years time than we do of some of my dad's friends that he has asked.

I think we can fit them in without issues (still waiting on a few more nos to come to us personally, rather than on the grapevine though!).

So what would you do?
 
Bride Bec
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 5:11 pm

I wouldnt worry about it. We are having quite a few extra's come for the ceremony only ( work colleagues, neighbours etc) most of them invited themselves for a sticky beak which I didnt mind but after that I made up a special ceremony invite so they were to feel included. None of them expected a full invitation but are happy to come and watch. I am just making sure there are enough chairs to cater for them too.

So I wouldnt worry. :D
 
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wishy
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 5:15 pm

I would wait until you receive some offical no r.s.v.ps, then invite them. It's nice they're making the effort to attend the ceremony. An invitation (even a late one) would probably be well recieved.
 
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drkreena
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 5:16 pm

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NN
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 5:16 pm

Dande, in many respects the approach I've taken has been: We are having 50 people all up if someone RSVPS no and someone else asks to bring an extra then I say YES because I figured it's working itself out, mind you, this is me and I'm not paying particular attention to the whole ideal of only extremely close friends and family because to us, we want our guests to enjoy themselves and if they would enjoy themselves more if that extra person is there and we can accomodate the numbers then we do it that way.

If you are not too fussed that they are not close to you and you can accomodate them then I say do it, it is a gesture of goodwill on your part and if she is going to be part of the family for a long time to come, your kind gesture will be appreciated.
 
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emmylouly
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 6:38 pm

I would say yes - clearly it looks as if you will be much closer in the years to come even if you are now and such a kind gesture will surely go down well and set the standard for the relationship going forward.
 
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:31 pm

I wouldn't mind having them if I've got not enough guests to fill up the reception places :)
 
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Neptune
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:47 pm

I would wait till you confirm the "no" rsvps, just in-case they accept and then you might be stuck in a tricky situation.

But if there is room, I would say invite them. By the sounds of it your likely to see more of them over the years, and the fact they were going to come to the ceremony tells me that they genuinely want to be apart of your day and would probably feel very honoured to be offered to join the reception as well. :)
 
Scarlett
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:27 pm

Think about it this way - if you were going out to dinner, would you invite her mum and nan....and then pick up the bill at the end of the night???

That might be a bit of a harsh way of looking at it but weddings are very expensive and I figure if I don't know someone well enough to do that for any other day, then I personally don't see why you would do it on your wedding day - if that makes sense?
 
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keluc1
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:58 pm

One of my bridesmaids asked if her mum and nan could come the ceremony, but I don't think they wanted a reception invite at all! They just wanted to see everyone all dressed up and and the whole bride and groom thing.

Don't feel like you have to invite them. In fact, I think if it were me, I would feel like I was imposing if the bride then extended a reception invite. I know its not done so much now, but in the past the ceremony was much more about anyone rocking up to have a look, so thats probably the mind set that they're coming from. So I really don't think you should feel at all obliged to invite them.

That said, if you want to invite them, you're the bride so do it!
 
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Re:

Thu Oct 28, 2010 10:08 pm

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Dandelion
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Thu Oct 28, 2010 11:12 pm

Thank you everyone for your opinions, much appreciated!! :heart:

Mrs Ko, FH's original opinion was in my OT, but he doesn't really care. Typical male! :lol:

I've ended up handballing this one to my Dad, as he is paying for the reception, but we will probably wait for a few more definate nos before we do anything about it, and we'll ask FBIL's gf first if she thinks they would like to come before I write up an invite too. We are having a rather large reception by my standards (not the small intimate variety) and some of the guests are people I have only met a handful of times who are my parent's guests, so it doesn't bother me in the slightest to have people I don't know very well, I'm more thinking of the long term repercussions. My Dad's brother in law's mother (similar relationship level to my situation) is actually a loved and cherished family member who is included in all his families events, which gives me reason to think it will be a yes from him, but we'll see.
 
Autumn2010
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Re: Invitation related question of the moral persuasion!

Fri Oct 29, 2010 9:34 am

If you have the seats yeah sure extend an invite to the reception but otherwise don't worry. We had my MOH's mum and dad come to our ceremony and if we had the extra room we would have had them come to the reception too but unfortunately we didn't. They knew this and were just really happy to come to the actual wedding. I am sure she has explained to themthat its just ceremony and surely they wouldn't expect to get a reception invite too seeing as they aren't actually family.
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