A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
rgarry
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BM relationship dilema

Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:56 pm

I have grown up with two best friends in England im now living in Melb, the other in NZ and one in England still. When i got engaged i naturally asked them both to be my Bridesmaid as we were all still extremely close!!...nothing can go wrong...right?! WRONG!!! the BM in NZ split up with her first boyfriend of 3years+ he then moved back to England were he and the BM in England hooked up! the relationship was shorted lived as it ended when they told NZ BM due to the guilt they had and the fact she was furious! they are still not friends and it looks unlikely that things will ever go back to normal to make things worse the first time they meet will be for my wedding! what do i do now? even though they have both told me that they will be civil im not too sure especially as one loves attention (when i showed her my dress she was too busy trying them on herself to really give an opinion!)
what do i do? help!
 
bubbles22
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Mon Aug 01, 2011 4:25 pm

I don't think it should be too much of an issue, as long as you make it clear to them that this is YOUR day, and they are both important to you so they just have to suck it up.

I have a similar problem, my two best friends are from different friendship groups, and never really met before my engagement. One night we got drunk 'taste testing' champagne and the one who isn't MOH cried and started telling me that the other didn't deserve to be my MOH etc etc... even though she has apologised, it has turned into a big thing and they basically hate each other, and it makes it awkward for me, i invite them both to things like shoe shopping and only one of them will come.

I hope for both of our sakes that things go smoothly!
 
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Balls
formerly known as JessieK
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Mon Aug 01, 2011 4:51 pm

Good luck ladies! I can't imagine what a difficult situation this would be for you both!

I agree with the above post though, just tell them it means alot to have them with you on your wedding day and you hope that they can put their differences aside for a day to help you get through it.
 
rgarry
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Mon Aug 01, 2011 5:17 pm

im probably being paranoid and i guess every one thinks of what could go wrong. do u ever think its right to change your mind about your bridesmaids after you've asked them?!
 
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Balls
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Mon Aug 01, 2011 5:23 pm

Sometimes it's okay but not often!
I actually un asked one of my BMs at one point but I felt horrible and guilty doing it. I'd say make sure your reasons are very good and expect your friendship to be a little bit tainted if you do it. I don't think there's anyway around it without hurting their feelings.
 
rgarry
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Mon Aug 01, 2011 5:33 pm

yea your right i cant do it now i would be devestated if some one did that to me! especially over these circumstances. well 10 months is a long time who knows what will happen i have my fingers crossed for a happy re-union!
 
Majeen
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Mon Aug 01, 2011 10:01 pm

Put them in a room together and let them have it out with it each other. Then they can say what they need to and get it out of their system. Then they should be able to move on from it and be happy on your day for you. Threaten to sack them both as BMs if they can't do this for you.
 
rgarry
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Tue Aug 02, 2011 1:52 pm

Put them in a room together and let them have it out with it each other. Then they can say what they need to and get it out of their system. Then they should be able to move on from it and be happy on your day for you. Threaten to sack them both as BMs if they can't do this for you.

I would love to do this! but they wont meet until a week before the wedding as we all live in different countries now but maybe i could do it the day before my hens or something as until they meet and talk it will be awkward!
 
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bernie
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Tue Aug 02, 2011 6:24 pm

I wouldn't have either of them too risky

Do you have other girlfriends in oz that can be your bm's
To include the other 2 I would have them do a reading each
 
rgarry
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:21 pm

ah well im getting married at home im seriously comsidering dropping one of them but i know that its really risky business, it was one of those decisions where i thort it would be a great idea until i actually asked her and then i was like...what have i done?! but i also know that it would damange the relationship and i don't want to do that oooo what a pickle!
 
jas&nick4eva
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Sat Aug 06, 2011 8:28 am

Trust me, LEAVE IT AS IT IS.. They will be civil for you!!! ITS YOUR DAY!!!

My best friend of 12 years i didnt make a bridesmaid because i was having family and she told me to "have a nice life" "goodluck in the future your gonna need it" So from my experience i believe friends are there for you and you dont want to upset the apple cart
 
megsmay7
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:05 am

My best friend of 20 years (since kindy) was going to be maid of honour but was struggling and being very negative so i asked her to back down (she was also in another state) so the BM who was in the same town as me and was going with me to all the dress fittings and everything else would step up as MOH. The best friend refuses to speak to me, has deleted and blocked me on facebook and is playing the victim big time. I was upset at the start, but the way I see it now is if she was really my best friend she would have understood what i was going through, and wanted to be there no matter what. (keeping in mind I wasnt even a bridesmaid for her, but still travelled down south a week before the wedding to help do everything!). I say, if they cant put their own petty issues aside to see that what they are doing is causing undue stress to you, they dont deserve the honour of being a bridesmaid!
 
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kristal
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:21 pm

They are both adults and they both love you as a friend. So the only option would be for them to put the past behind them for one night and to be on their best behaviour. I would be having this conversation with them now and give them the chance to opt out if they do not think they can handle this.
 
sarahlou
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Wed Aug 10, 2011 8:25 pm

Im having the similar issues with my MOH, whom I have been close with since I was a baby! I changed my wedding plans from a big wedding with all friends and families, to a very small wedding overseas with immediate family and bridal party. At first she was very excited and encouraging when we changed our plans, but as time went on she would make little comments here and there, and I would hear about things she had said to other people about me being a 'bridezilla' and expecting so much out of her. My wedding is in two months and the only thing she has done to help me during the whole wedding was come on the first day I went and looked at wedding dresses. She was going to come to the resort our wedding is at for a week at first, but she then changed her mind and said she was going to come for 'one night, maybe two', then go meet a friend in a different part of the country and holiday with her for a week?! I was incredibely hurt by this, as I had assumed she would be around to help me and be there for me on my most important day. When I told her how I felt, she stopped talking to me. This was months ago now, and things are still incredibely awkward between us. She does not act excited about my wedding or even happy for me at all! She has, however, taken charge of organising my hens night. This is nice, but she seems a lot more excited about that than she is about the actual wedding. And I think it's weird that she's doing it all while she's still not really talking to me. My 3 other bridesmaids seem very excited and are so happy for me, but the person I thought was the closest to me is kinda ruining the excitment for me a bit.
 
rgarry
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Re: BM relationship dilema

Thu Aug 11, 2011 6:03 pm

thats dreadful! im so sorry to hear that, BM's can be funny sometimes cant they! I guess its just the one thing we didnt think we would ever have a problem with especially with everything that needs to be organised....purrft it hard work!
 
danatello

Re: BM relationship dilema

Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:38 pm

You know what a lot of it is?? Pure outright JEALOUSY. Yup. Women can be outright bitches to each other while still pretending to be 'friends'. Why, I don't know - maybe it's hormonal? Preconditioning? Beats me!

I'm a real 'ladette' and have no time for la-di-dah precious princess types. Which is probably why i was always hanging out with the guys discussing planes, or sci-fi, or cars or whatever - to escape the inane ranting about babies, boyrfriends and bitchiness that women seem to thrive on!! And don't be fooled into thinking your supposed 'best friend' is necessarily barracking for you and your FH. IF she isn't in a similar situation, she's more likely to ***** & moan...not because she's necessarily pissed at YOU - she's pissed at your HAPPINESS.

I haven't nominated any BMs, other than my sister at my home wedding ceremony in March and my little niece as flowergirl. In January it's a free-for-all - I told my peeps whoever makes it to Cocos gets to be my bridesmaid! No problems expected there! LOL!

Maybe all those girls here who are yet to CHOOSE their BMs should run a lottery instead, or do a Bridesmaids Test (Q&A!!). Or Interview their mates to see who has what it takes to BE the MOH/BM...kinda like a job! At least that's egalitarian and will weed out potential troublemakers/slackers. :mrgreen:
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