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vee1
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Is it just me or is this rude??

Fri Aug 12, 2011 5:43 pm

I have been slowly getting my RSVPs back. (exciting)

I have invited someone from my FH side that is not really a relative but FMIL insisted that we invite them. Both myself and FH did not really want them there as we are limited to number of guests as our venue is just a small restaurant. Anyhow, to avoid friction and to keep the Inlaws happy we invited them.

On their invitation I wrote to Mr and Mrs...

I have just got their RSVP and they have included one of their 17year old daughters names aswell. So instead of 2 people they are having 3. Is it just me or is this cheeky of them to do that? My FH and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves, the fact that we didnt want them there (we dont know them very well and have never visited us or seen us in years) was bad enough, but now I am a little p***ed off because now they have added an extra person that we need to pay for.

Is it just me or do I have a right to be a bit upset by this. I cant really call them to say dont bring her...So it looks like she is coming.

SOrry just needed to vent!!! :oops:
 
sidonie
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Fri Aug 12, 2011 5:47 pm

I'd say let FMIL know what's happened and as its her friends and she insisted that they be invited...its now FMIL's responsibility to call her friends and advise due to budget restrictions, they cant bring 17yr old
 
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BubS
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Fri Aug 12, 2011 5:49 pm

It's rude. Rude rude rude. Tell FMIL that two two are ok, but not their daughter. People never cease to amaze me!
 
vee1
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Fri Aug 12, 2011 6:08 pm

Thanks Guys~ I didnt think I was overreacting! I will def. tell FMIL!

These people probably think that FILs are paying (they have a bit of money!) but me and my FH are paying for everthing! (and we have been saving for the day for the past 4 years! plus a mortgage!)
My FMIL is not the type to call up and disallow it! Unfortunantly she will have to stay! I am just peed off because we have had to cut alot of OUR friends to accomodate my FILs wishes (italian and old fashioned) to make room for rude people like these guests! (who I didnt want there in the first place~)

OH my! We should of eloped like we wanted to in the first place and put all this money on our mortgage!!! Guest lists have been the hardest thing about the preperations! (Im sure the table arrangements will be just as bad...not looking forward to that one!)
 
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MalinViktoria
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Fri Aug 12, 2011 6:25 pm

That is really rude. You don't just invite yourself (or someone else in this case) to someone's wedding! 8O To me, it's not even about the money, it's just the fact that they think they can just bring someone who was not invited - even if it's their daughter - to someone's wedding, someone who has been kind enough to invite you in the first place. Ungrateful!
 
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Ali2011
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Fri Aug 12, 2011 7:11 pm

MalinViktoria wrote:
That is really rude. You don't just invite yourself (or someone else in this case) to someone's wedding! 8O To me, it's not even about the money, it's just the fact that they think they can just bring someone who was not invited - even if it's their daughter - to someone's wedding, someone who has been kind enough to invite you in the first place. Ungrateful!


I agree with Malin. It is incredibly rude!!!
 
minerva
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Fri Aug 12, 2011 9:29 pm

People turn into total twits when weddings are concerned.

The fact that you literally have to spell out that only the two people on the invite are the only ones you would like to invite is just ridiculas!

How rude! I'm fortunate enough to be having a small wedding (70 max), and I will need to state on the wedding invite that no children will be at the ceremony or reception as I know at least 2 of my family would have "just assumed" and bought them anyway.
Some people have a lot of nerve.

Let us know how it goes!
 
bridek8
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Fri Aug 12, 2011 11:21 pm

That's really rude and disrespectful of them to invite their daughter!
 
Trisha
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sat Aug 13, 2011 12:13 am

So freaking rude it's not funny.

I wouldn't be just allowing her to come, I'd even go as far as calling myself and saying sorry but there are no spare places for her. At 17 she is old enough to stay at home on her own, not like she needs a baby sitter or anything!
 
Bec*
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sat Aug 13, 2011 1:16 am

Omg, that is so rude! Surely any reasonable person could see that an invite was just made out to Mr & Mrs, why would that automatically include 17yo daughter?? I would definitely be ringing up saying that daughter is not actually invited. I understand if you're not comfortable ringing up saying no though. I don't know what's wrong with people that they can't understand it's ok to invite adults somewhere without inviting their kids too!
 
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sat Aug 13, 2011 10:00 am

Trisha wrote:
So freaking rude it's not funny.

I wouldn't be just allowing her to come, I'd even go as far as calling myself and saying sorry but there are no spare places for her. At 17 she is old enough to stay at home on her own, not like she needs a baby sitter or anything!


thats so rude1!!
i agree, i would be calling them up and letting them know the invitation was not for their daughter...
 
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sachick90
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:12 am

no it''s not just you that is pretty rude, they shouldn't expect that the daughter was invited, maybe you should call them and just politely state that the invite ws forthe two of them and that the venue doesn't allow any extras.
 
Sharali
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sat Aug 13, 2011 1:10 pm

If you are inviting them because of his parents, then tell his parents that they have to contribute X amount of dollars for X amount of guests. I have given each sets of parents two people they can invite which we will cover, anymore than that, then they must cover all costs (food & alcohol). Both sets of parents have been happy with this.

We too are having a small wedding with about 50 people and funding it ourselves.
 
Sparky!
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sat Aug 13, 2011 10:05 pm

It's not even about the money... as if you would assume an extra was invited? if there were just two names on the invite, and no 'and family' they are NOT invited.

I would phone them and politely say the invitation was just for the two of them, you are restricted to X guests (blah blah) if you aren't having any other underages there, you could cite licenced venue?

Good luck!
 
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alwayz_shopping
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:43 pm

It is very rude!! 8O
I had an RSVP come back that was extremely rude too! FH's aunty's RSVP stated: me coming, no guest (her invite didn't include a +1), son1 not coming, son1's girlfriend not coming (she wasn't invited), son2 not coming. :roll:
 
minerva
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sun Aug 14, 2011 11:22 am

alwayz_shopping wrote:
It is very rude!! 8O
I had an RSVP come back that was extremely rude too! FH's aunty's RSVP stated: me coming, no guest (her invite didn't include a +1), son1 not coming, son1's girlfriend not coming (she wasn't invited), son2 not coming. :roll:


Wow... wonder if she was trying to make a statement to you, hahaha. Rude!
 
polkadotprincess
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sun Aug 14, 2011 3:18 pm

actually, you CAN tell them that their daught is not invited. in fact, i would be getting your fmil to do it for you, since shes the one who insisted they were invited. its incredibly rude to just bring along another person to someone elses wedding.
 
shellfisch
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:05 pm

My first daughter was married three years ago.

When the invitations went out, I had two family members wanting to include the partners of their adult children - the adult children (my daughter's cousins) were invited. There was NO plus one included. I dug my heels in and said no. It infuriated me that they would even ask.

Three years on, one of the couples is still together, one is not. My daughter didn't know either of them. One couple lived a distance away, and the other had only just gotten together a month before the invitations went out.
With hindsight, I am glad I stood my ground. Especially since one of the cousins is getting married next year, and I have been able to have a very subtle dig about 'all the hangers on who will want you to invite them as well' :D

My daughters MIL asked (she didn't ask me, she asked my daughter) if she could invite a friend of hers, so she would have someone she knew there... :?
Yes, she had her husband and other family members who would be there, but, whatever, I said yes to that, though I wish I hadn't.

My husband and I, apart from $500 'contributed' by MIL and FIL for alcohol, paid for the entire wedding ourselves.

It still annoys me now, because I would never be so rude, and I don't understand how other people can.
 
KCupcake21
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:11 am

No it's not you, it's rude.

I'm with the others, at 17 she is more than old enough to be able to stay home by herself & also, if you let them bring their daughter, it then starts the trend of allowing everyone else in that family to bring their children - which is not what you want.

I'd actually be giving her a call yourself to let them know that due to space, their daughter was not invited to the reception & if you allow her, then you have to allow everyone elses children & you cannot A: afford that & B: fit them all in.
 
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kristal
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Re: Is it just me or is this rude??

Mon Aug 15, 2011 5:48 pm

BubS wrote:
It's rude. Rude rude rude. Tell FMIL that two two are ok, but not their daughter. People never cease to amaze me!


Totally agree! That is the rudest thing ever! Get your FMIL to ring them and explain it. She pushed for it in the first place, she can fix it and do not get bulldozed by her to have the daughter as well.
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