A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
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Chief Pancaker Maker
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Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 12:13 pm

As some one who has recently been married and has been to several weddings recently I have come to the conclusion that noone these days has any clue about wedding etiquette so I am going to write a list that I think is reasonable (of course maybe it is me who has no idea and am a complete lunatic)

1) RSVP on time and in writing, unless you are dead, if you cannot attend and have RSVPed yes tell them ASAP, do not under any circumstances just not turn up.
2) arrive at the wedding venue at least 15 minutes early
3) turn your mobile phone off
4) If your children are not invited -DO NOT BRING THEM, if you are not sure check, if it is inconvenient to you keep your mouth shut and don't complain or just RSVP NO to the wedding
5) Dress (this requires a whole section)
- if it is not specified on the invite assume smart/dressy casual - guys wear dress pants/shirt and tie, ladies - DO NOT WEAR jeans, white, black, anything very short or tight or anything you would ever consider wearing to a nightclub or anything the same colour as the bridesmaids
- Semi formal - guys suit and tie, girls cocktail dress or formal dress
- Formal - guys dark suit and tie, girls long formal dress
- black tie - guys tuxedo, girls long formal dress/ ball dress
That is my understanding and it is always better (in my opinion) to be over dressed than under dressed (within reason -eg. a ball gown at a beach wedding would be inappropriate)
6) Gifts - never turn up empty handed, give the bride and groom what they want - if they ask for money give it, if they have a registry use it - unless you are very close and know they would appreciate something personal and unique or you have specifically asked to give them something different - DONT.
- Never regift.

OK thats all Ive got for now - I am ready to be flamed by all those I have offended, alternatively please add you own.
 
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soni@
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 1:09 pm

Great Thread Chief! :e_clap: I agree with that list...3 things off that list happened on my day, but the one I'm going to add made me soooo :evil: :evil: I'm still upset about it...

- Its ok to leave the reception halfway through if you have a very good reason, and if you do decide to leave- say GOODBYE to your hosts- the bride and groom!!!; 3 of DH's high school friends and their partners upped and left right after entrees without even saying goodbye..reason? one of them was valid; pregnant partner was feeling quite sick, but the other four; "oh, we had to start work early the next morning..."ummm, they all live 20 minutes from venue and it was only 7:30pm :evil:
 
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soni@
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 1:14 pm

Ashling wrote:
LOVE these!

I would add -

You are there as a guest and are not paying for your meal or alcohol, so don't complain about them.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend of five minutes is not on the invite, they are not invited!


love these two as well Ash..!
 
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LittleMissBride
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 1:17 pm

I agree with all of them. Can I also add...

7) Do not ask the bride or groom to change details such as date, time, location, type of wedding or their "no kids" rule just to suit your personal circumstances, it is THEIR day not YOURS!
 
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LittleMissBride
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 1:30 pm

I agree with Agape that if you are worried about guests wearing the same colour as BM's, ask them not to wear that colour. If you don't and someone does, you don't have the right to blame them.
 
tanieeyaa
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:42 pm

I love this thread!! Don't you wish that this could be given to every person you invite haha! I would love it!
 
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:46 pm

I have to admit it would not cross my mnid to be upset at people wearing the same colour as my bridesmaids, they would have no way of knowing what they are wearing afterall!
 
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Chief Pancaker Maker
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:59 pm

I wouldnt be offended at a guest wearing the same colour as the bridesmaids either as it is unlikely to be the same style or shade, but I am just saying that it is considered correct etiquette not to. And if you don't know what the colour is, no you can't be blamed.
 
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Balls
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 3:21 pm

I agree with lots of these but I really don't understand the no black rule. I only recently even knew it exsisted! Does anyone know why it's such a problem?
 
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LittleMissBride
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 3:26 pm

I don't know the exact origin but I have heard it. I presume it's because black if for funerals - sorrow, death, morning and it's supposed to be a celebratory occasion, not a sad one.
 
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Balls
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 3:47 pm

Edited - I understand where it's coming from I guess, but still don't agree with it :P If I have expressed happyness about a friends wedding and then wore black to it, I think it'd be obvious I wasn't wearing it to express sorrow or grief hehe.

Also, men wear black suits to weddings all the time. I think it's probably one of the sillier rules out there.
Last edited by Balls on Tue Jan 17, 2012 3:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
darkphoenix
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 3:51 pm

Some of those are gold!

I have to say, I never knew about the black either. I figured white was a no no and anything too bright might not sit to well either but who cares. No one's going to really look at what you're wearing unless it's way too over the top or really inappropriate (cue mini skirts).
 
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Balls
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 5:55 pm

Like I said, I understand it but if I wear black and wish the couple nothing but luck and good health and all that, then obviously the wearing black to a wedding is wishing ill thoughts on the couple's future thing doesn't apply. So I don't get that rule at all. Ettiquette can't dictate to me how I feel about certain colours of clothing or what they express for me. :e_snooty:

ETA I'm not arguing with any of you, I'm arguing with Ettiquette :D
 
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:24 pm

I thought of one to add, if the RSVP card has a spot for dietary requirements, please actually write them in otherwise you'll be getting beef even if you're a vego! The bride (and groom) have enough on their plates without having to think about who can eat what, hence the reason it was put on the RSVP card in the first place!

I had one of my aunts just write their names on the rsvp card. She's a full on celiac (?) yet didn't write gluten free on the card! Thankfully mum asked if they did gluten free options otherwise I would have completely forgotten! I called her about it just to double check and the response I got was I thought you'd remember! I have 80 guests so I'm sorry, it's not the first thing that jumps to mind! Especially considering you live interstate so I don't eat with you all that often.
 
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cloudie
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:25 pm

Yeah I don't get the whole "no black" thing either. I have a fat ***, black makes it look smaller. I am going to a wedding next Friday. My dress is black (albeit with a pattern, and gasp! horror! there is white detail in the pattern)

Some from my wedding:

*If the reception starts at 5.00, don't show up to the venue at 4, unless it is a club/restaurant. I don't want you inside looking at stuff before it starts.
*That being said, if you are unhappy with where you are sitting don't take it upon yourself, when you arrive at the venue an hour earlier, to swap your place card for someone elses. I spent ages doing table arrangements, mixing up friends and ensuring people don't sit with people they don't like, for you to come in and change it.
*May not always be possible, but if something happens on the day and you are unable to attend the wedding, let someone, who can let the bride or groom know. We had a family member and his partner not show up (there was a good reason). However, I could have filled that position with a friends parents who came to ceremony and would have felt happy to be slotted in at the last minute.
*If you are unhappy with something about the wedding (timing, no children etc) come and talk to the bride or groom about it. Don't b!tch to other people about it, certainly not at the reception, where the bride can overhear you, and have to be persuaded not to tell you to get the hell out of her reception!
 
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:37 pm

That being said, if you are unhappy with where you are sitting don't take it upon yourself, when you arrive at the venue an hour earlier, to swap your place card for someone elses. I spent ages doing table arrangements, mixing up friends and ensuring people don't sit with people they don't like, for you to come in and change it.


For real? someone did that? Holy moly. Ok so now I might have a quick chat with my venue co ordinator. I might ask her to have the door closed til the reception starts. The garden is open if people wanna stickybeak.

I can't believe someone would do that!
 
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cloudie
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:44 pm

sidonie wrote:
That being said, if you are unhappy with where you are sitting don't take it upon yourself, when you arrive at the venue an hour earlier, to swap your place card for someone elses. I spent ages doing table arrangements, mixing up friends and ensuring people don't sit with people they don't like, for you to come in and change it.


For real? someone did that? Holy moly. Ok so now I might have a quick chat with my venue co ordinator. I might ask her to have the door closed til the reception starts. The garden is open if people wanna stickybeak.

I can't believe someone would do that!


Yep. One of DH's friends. She is actually his ex-girlfriend from when they were in high school. From his group of friends we had 14 people, too many for one table, too little for 2 separate tables. So she swapped her and another guys (another one of her ex-boyfriends...she has made her rounds) table for a couple who I like, but are more on the outer of the group. When I questioned her about it, she was so incensed that I obviously sat her with her ex (she had 4 of them at the one wedding FFS) and was trying to embarrass her. We are no longer friends. She blocked and deleted me on facebook after the wedding. However, she remained friends with DH, so I would just log into his account and see all the horrible stuff she wrote about me in her status!
 
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:54 pm

Hey Agape - just out of curiosity (being a Sunday bride), what's the deal for us?? :D

cloudie wrote:
*If you are unhappy with something about the wedding (timing, no children etc) come and talk to the bride or groom about it. Don't b!tch to other people about it, certainly not at the reception, where the bride can overhear you, and have to be persuaded not to tell you to get the hell out of her reception!


Absolutely agree that you shouldn't ***** to other people, but I think I agree with the earlier "rule" that if you have a problem with the wedding (ie timing or no kids), it is your issue, not the bride and grooms. I'm sure they have put a lot of thought into their wedding and how they want it so if you have a problem, tough noogies! Either accept that is how it is and enjoy the day your hosts have organised, or just don't go.
 
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cloudie
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 7:01 pm

Scarlett wrote:
Hey Agape - just out of curiosity (being a Sunday bride), what's the deal for us?? :D

cloudie wrote:
*If you are unhappy with something about the wedding (timing, no children etc) come and talk to the bride or groom about it. Don't b!tch to other people about it, certainly not at the reception, where the bride can overhear you, and have to be persuaded not to tell you to get the hell out of her reception!


Absolutely agree that you shouldn't ***** to other people, but I think I agree with the earlier "rule" that if you have a problem with the wedding (ie timing or no kids), it is your issue, not the bride and grooms. I'm sure they have put a lot of thought into their wedding and how they want it so if you have a problem, tough noogies! Either accept that is how it is and enjoy the day your hosts have organised, or just don't go.


It depends. I would be more accommodating to my family/extremely close friend then I would to just a friend. And maybe unhappy isn't the correct term, concerned would be better.

For example I am going to DH's cousins wedding next week. Originally they intended to go overseas and get married, but a big stink was kicked up about how their Nan wouldn't be able to attend. So they have compromised and having their wedding on a boat here in Sydney Harbour.

Half the family have been b!tching behind the poor bride's back, saying how she is unfair, her Nan can't go because she can't get to the toilet on the boat because it's downstairs, blah blah blah. In the end, an Aunty has convinced Nan not to attend the reception for this reason. If they had just spoken to the bride, she could have sorted something out but because of all the backstabbing and in-fighting, she is pretty angry and hurt by whats gone on.
 
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Chief Pancaker Maker
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Re: Wedding etiquette

Tue Jan 17, 2012 7:31 pm

Hear hear on the dietary requirements - despite asking guests to give thier dietary requirements with thier RSVPs I had to ask the vegetarian for her dietary requirements and my cousin didnt eat anything becuase she doesn't eat - seafood, poultry or pork ( this was news to her mother also).
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