A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
onedayB2B
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not having dad give you away

Sat Oct 27, 2012 10:34 pm

has anyone not had their dad give them away? by choice i mean? how did you tell them? how did they take the information?

im not at all close with my dad, ive barely seen him in my 26 years. probably evens out to once a year.
i just dont feel i want him to give me away.

ill be waiting until.a lot closer to our date to decide for sure, but its a thought/decision that will plague me until the time comes to decide! urgh...
 
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mrcm1166
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Re: not having dad give you away

Sat Oct 27, 2012 11:41 pm

my daughter in law didnt have her dad at her wedding due to not seeing him for many years and for what he had done to the family in the past.

she very diplomatically said that he was not included in a day that was to be spent with people who had been there for them both and had actively been a part of their lifes.

he didnt take it too well but he didnt make a huge fuss

her mum gave her away instead.

my dad wont be giving me away at this wedding, my son will be doing that instead, dad is too sick and doesnt remember who I am so its a bit sad to think he wont be part of the day
 
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EmmaCupcake
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Re: not having dad give you away

Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:04 am

I know you said by choice, but my dad is unable to as he passed last year and as a result I had mentioned to uncles that they would give me away instead. Though now I have decided they won't be giving me away either, I haven't told them and I figure if I don't tell them they will just forget so it's sweet :)

I think in your situation, your dad should expect not to be asked. I don't know the whole story obviously, but if you can't even see your daughter at least once out of a year then you probably don't deserve to walk her down. You say you aren't close, but do you talk much? If so, how often? That could change my thinking.
That being said, I'm on both sides because part of me is thinking maybe this could be a chance for the two of you to get close, iykwim?
 
onedayB2B
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Re: not having dad give you away

Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:57 am

we dont talk much at all. hes in qld and im in sa. him amd my mum split when i was 1!
even when we do talk (once every couple of months,) he talks for maybe
5 minutes and then has to go, or if hes home he hands me to his girlfriend. i always feel fobbed off by him and come away from phonecalls feeling crappy. so i dont like to ring often.

sometimes we get closer but other times we couldnt be further away. it seems each visit changes how we are depending on whats happened while vivisting. i went up there when my 1st daughter was 7months so they could meet her. also wanted to make time to see my uncle so they could meet her too. he got annoyed cos the uncle spent alot time in the 2 days we saw them with me and my daughter so dad felt like he missed out. even though we were staying there with him for 2 weeks. so 12 more days than my uncle got.

he has been down to visit us twice ever. once for my last wedding and once for my second daughters christening. both times only for a few days because he never seems to want to be able to take too much time off work. (he owns his own business) we have asked them heaps to come for a week and we can show them around our town. but he never wants to.

the latest thing im bitter about is them booking plane tickets for us when i didnt want them too. they kept asking me to make a decision while i was in hospital with a nasty infection a week after having my youngest daughter. not a decision i wanted to make right at that time. i was struggling with beingbsick and also being away from my week old baby girl.
so they took it upon themselves to book the flights anyway, at a time of year im not impressed with as my eldest will miss kindy. they also said we will book a ticket for FH. which they did. only to realise his ticket wasnt part of the special.deal they were doing and have now asked us to pay for it.
all of this was done behind my back even though i hadnt replied to the email. (there was only a few hours between when they sent the email to when they booked tickets).

so with all this in mind and at this point in time. im not feeling the love at all. things could change in 3 years but they could change back and forth int hat time. many time.s
 
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EmmaCupcake
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Re: not having dad give you away

Sun Oct 28, 2012 9:49 am

Right at this moment then, I would say you're better off finding someone else to walk you down and I wouldn't even mention it. As you said, there is 3 years and things could change, so I would worry about it for a while yet.
 
sprinkelle
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Re: not having dad give you away

Tue Oct 30, 2012 2:48 am

.
Last edited by sprinkelle on Mon Nov 11, 2013 2:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
 
onedayB2B
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Re: not having dad give you away

Tue Oct 30, 2012 7:45 am

I definately think i need someone to hold mebupright. And make quiet small talk with to stop me crying.
But i dont want that to be my dad just cos hes my dad and its tradition.
I had my pop last time as he was a huge part of my life and a big influence too.
This time i want my brother. But ive got plenty of time to decide. But i know it will continue to plague until then so i need somewhere to get it all out!
 
pinkperfection
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Re: not having dad give you away

Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:02 am

Walk down with your brother. I think that would be lovely with him being bridesman. I'm sure he would be very happy to do it.
My dad calmed me down when I was walking down the aisle but we've been close my whole life. I can't imagine feeling that comfortable with someone I very rarely see and am not close to so that's why I think your brother is the right choice.
 
onedayB2B
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Re: not having dad give you away

Tue Oct 30, 2012 1:29 pm

Thanks V! I dont look forward to the backlash that will eventually follow. But thats why i have you and all my other awesome family and friends to help me throught the crap! Xx
 
RitaJane
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Re: not having dad give you away

Thu Nov 01, 2012 3:07 pm

there are many reasons for not having your dad give you away; you don't want to feel like a goat, you think its sexist etc...maybe just walk down with your FH, arm in arm. He'll be looking like a fox so he should be adored too!
 
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EmmaCupcake
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Re: not having dad give you away

Thu Nov 01, 2012 3:17 pm

If you're close with your brother, I would walk down with him instead. One of my friends lost her dad a few months prior to her wedding and instead had one of her brothers walk her down the aisle and it looked fine.
 
MissMaz
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Re: not having dad give you away

Thu Nov 01, 2012 6:14 pm

My dad passed away last October quite suddenly from Cancer, and i knew he was really looking forward to walking me down the aisle.

I'm not close enough to my mother for her to walk me down the aisle, but a few family members have asked if my stepdad would be doing it, as he's been married to my mother for over 20 years now and i seem to get along with him better than my mother! Only problem with that is he used to be my dad's best friend, was broke my dad's heart when his best friend ran off with his wife, so I dont think its really appropriate for him to walk me down the aisle either.

Anyway my point is you don't have to stick with old traditions, in the end Ive asked my oldest nephew (he's 17) to walk me down the aisle and he is absolutely honored i would think of him. If your not comfortable walking down the aisle alone, pick a family member your close to, a best friend or even an family member from his side! Whoever does it will feel so special that you thought of them for such an important role. :)
 
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EmmaCupcake
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Re: not having dad give you away

Thu Nov 01, 2012 8:12 pm

That is really sweet, MissMaz.
 
Laura&Finn
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Re: not having dad give you away

Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:00 am

I'm in the same position. I doubt my father will come to the wedding, even if I pay for his flights, travel and accommodation and I'm not that close with him in the first place so I will be walking myself down the aisle. Bugger the old, out dated tradition, I don't need anyone to give me away, I don't need anyone to present me to my H2B and I sure as hell don't want to pretend I have a fantastic relationship with my father for the sake of some ridiculous tradition.
 
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Enokicat
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Re: not having dad give you away

Tue Nov 06, 2012 1:05 pm

My mother is going to because my father passed away when I was little. My sister said I could have one of our uncles but I'm close with my mother and it makes way more sense. :D
 
catherineaustin29
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Re: not having dad give you away

Fri May 31, 2013 10:02 am

I'm planning on having my mum and dad walk down the aisle together in front of me (after the BMs) and then standing to the side as I walk up to my man.

My mother did the same thing at her wedding 35 years ago (a novelty for the time!) and I really liked the idea. They have both been there for me my whole life, have loved and supported me, so I wanted them both in the ceremony, but they have raised me to be an independant woman who relies on her own strength of character and doesnt 'lean' on anyone and am not owned by anyone to be passed off. Their standing to the side symbolises their 'stepping back' in pride as I start my own 'family' in that sense.

Hope that makes sense....it does to me lol
 
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Allicat9
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Re: not having dad give you away

Fri May 31, 2013 10:35 am

^^^ I did that :)
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