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jane1082
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Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:01 pm

Having to change their surname?

I cannot wait to get married, 9 weeks and counting!! :D

But I am struggling with the thought of changing my last name, I have no idea why! My last name at the moment is very difficult to spell so I guess it will make it easier but I feel as though I am losing part of my identity :?
 
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mrcm1166
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:05 pm

first time I got married yes, I struggled with that, I was the youngest of the family and the last to get married so it was like an end to the family line.

this time nope cant wait to change my name, I love my children but I dont want my ex husbands last name anymore
 
jane1082
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:13 pm

I think because I am only from a family of sisters, I feel as though our family name won't be carried on.... My FH Is one of 7, 5 of them being brothers, I wonder if I could convince him to change his name!? :D

Glad to hear you are looking forward to it this time :)
 
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:26 pm

I worked with a guy that changed his surname to his wife's name after they married, for that very reason of her being the last family member with her surname. I have to admit that all the men at our work place gave him heaps of flack.
 
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mrcm1166
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:29 pm

I was the youngest of a family of all girls, I suggested having a hyphened name but ex hubby wouldnt have any of that, kinda sad that the name ends with my dad
 
jane1082
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:37 pm

Our names joined together just wouldn't work. I do think even though I am struggling with it, it just wouldn't really feel right having him change his name, just a traditional thing I guess, and he's his mates would defiantly give him flack! I met. Couple through FH who were due to be married, she was from one of five girls, he said he would not marry her if she didn't take his name! I guess it's just something you eat used to.

The other annoying thing is my passport and licence all expire this month, meaning I will have them reined in my maiden name then need to change again. Which if i am honest with myself it won't happen. My FH has already told me that he doesn't expect my name to be officially changed within the next few years, only because I am such a procrastinator :roll:

Just not too sure what to do about work, I am a teacher, so wonder if I should just keep it as all the kids/staff/parents know me as I am...
 
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:44 pm

I'm struggling big time too. I never questioned it really till I got engaged. I just always thought I'd do it no question. I'm the eldest of 7 and love my surname. It's slightly unusual and 10 letters long. FH surname is more common and only 5 letters long. I feel I might be losing my identity if I change it. I can't double barrel it cos there are too many similar sounds. If I change my name my initials will be A.M.A.N - A Man!

But I want to have the same name as FH, and for our kids to have the same name. I just love my name at the moment!
 
jane1082
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:52 pm

Unfortunately my surname is not one that could ever be used as a name other than a surname. My name is Czech, I think this also plays a big part. It is a name that is so different it always strikes up conversation, people always ask where it originates from etc. the other thing is, that everyone with my surname are all related... It's great finding out people know of e family or have ties with it!

I think I just need to suck it up :)
 
pinkperfection
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:50 pm

You don't have to suck it up. If you don't want to change it , don't. I haven't changed mine yet - slack! But I'm changing it next week. I will eventually change my name to include my maiden name as a second middle name but I just want to get my last name sorted first.
 
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:00 pm

I never struggled with this decision. I was never going to change my name. Am happy with my decision and have no intention of changing my mind.

It was very important to me to keep my name and Mr LIW after seeing how important it was to me did not ask me to change it. Caused a bit of friction to start with but when I point out my career, degrees and so on are in my name and the ideas behind the name change are in many ways outdated - but it is everyone's personal decision (put it this way, I would never try to change someone's mind if they had made their own decision) people have let up. And by people I mean Mr LIWs family!
 
jane1082
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:24 pm

My FH has already said to me that he is happy for me to keep my name... The only thing is when we have kids I want us to all have the same name! I have heard of couples that have totally created another surname... From neither of their last names.

I think when the crunch comes.... I will change my name! Just need to get used to it...

With my FH being understanding and his and my family it really shouldn't be a hard task should it? ;)
 
gdemon
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:35 pm

Jane I am struggling too but in the opposite direction!! I used to be quite certain I'd keep my maiden name, both from an independent feminist viewpoint, and also because in my culture women keep their own names. DH is completely find with this, but 5 months after our wedding I'm increasingly tempted to take DH's name!!

I'm toying with the idea of keeping my maiden name at work (but it might get confusing in terms of ID) or using my maiden name as a middle name (but that feels awkward).

Silly me!!!
 
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EmmaCupcake
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Sat Nov 03, 2012 11:22 am

For me there was no question about it. Originally after dad passed I wanted to keep his last name but I didn't want to hurt mum by dropping her last name (mine is hyphenated) but at 13 letters and one hyphen long there was no way I was going to add FHs last name on top of that (another 5 letters) since it is already a struggle for me to fill in forms! I'm actually really excited about changing it, to the point where we've talked about me doing it even before the wedding.

The only issue for me is that I'm not an Australian citizen, I never bothered so I'm still a New Zealand citizen and have to deal with them to do it. If anything, I will either start the process soon and get grandma to bring the forms over for me when she is here for Christmas, or I'll do it while I'm over there the month before the wedding.

ETA: Apparently because I've lived here consecutively for 3+ years (it will be 12 years on Monday) I can change it at BDM YAYYYYY!!!!! :D
 
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claire_bear000
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:03 am

I am not going to change my name because I love my last name and FH has an extremely common surname, he really isn't surprised I don't want it! But also, he isn't that keen to change his name either as he is building his name professionally.
When we get to have kids things might change, but there is plenty of time to sort that out. I would be happy for them to have our hyphenated name which go together really well.
I think a man who says 'change your name or else' disgusts me! That is so backwards, we aren't property, we aren't owned, do whatever you feel is right for you!

I am slightly worried that in the future I would want our kids and myself to have a double-barrelled name that he doesn't take... but then maybe I should just think of it as his loss! I really hope times are changing, I have a lot of old school friends who raise their kids by themselves, kids who have the so-called fathers last name and I don't get it. He does nothing, he might even be so horrible as to ignore them in public if he runs into them, and they have his name because of convention. Sorry, rant over!
 
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Mon Nov 05, 2012 8:50 am

I found this an interesting post to read, everyone's experiences are so different.

I changed my name to my husband's name after we married, and his family don't mind but think it is quite odd! In their culture in Italy, the married women keep their maiden name and are named using both names. They keep all their official documents in their maiden names, so when I made the decision to change mine it was seen as a bit strange by them, but I really don't mind. My DH didn't mind either whether I changed my name or not, it was completely my decision, it's important to me that we share the same surname.
 
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EmmaCupcake
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Tue Nov 06, 2012 10:29 am

I think you made a fair point, Ashling. I guess it's because as a whole, society has dictated that children born out of wedlock take the fathers name. I took my fathers name when I was born (turns out he wasn't my dad though ugh) and then had it changed at 6 to mums maiden name.......then I had it changed AGAIN at 8 to add my step-dads name. As a child that was a complete mess because I had to get used to two new names.

I can see both sides of it though, I don't mind our kids having FHs last name if they were born before we got married, if I wasn't changing my name they would still take his, but I like the idea of sharing a last name with them. I notice a lot of the people who aren't changing their name have done so because their study or business reputation has come to them in their maiden name, so it's understandable. And I totally get not hyphenating names, as I said in a previous post, mine is terrible!!
 
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:07 pm

I can't wait to change my last name! People can never pronounce or spell my name properly and it's always annoyed me.

I always joked that I would marry a man with an easier last name and that's what I'm doing :)


Erin.
 
jane1082
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Re: Is anyone else struggling with...

Fri Nov 09, 2012 5:55 pm

I'm the same emcg, I don't even bother saying it sometimes, it's easier just to say 'I'll spell it for you...' :D will be nice to have an easier name, especially being a teacher!
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