A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
mskei
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Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Wed Nov 07, 2012 11:58 am

Hello all,

So, I just told my friend C that she couldn't bring her boyfriend to our wedding. She lives in the UK and we were chatting on Facebook chat - she logged off straight after!

Some background info:
*C and I have been friends for 10 years, and she has been living in the UK for the past 2 years;
*C's ex-boyfriend P is my housemate. I met P through C years ago. C and P were in a serious relationship for about 5 years. When C moved overseas 2 years ago, they stayed together and did the whole long distance relationship thing.
*About 12 months ago, Finance and I needed a new housemate to replace our then current housemate so P moved in with us (C and P were still together and it was C's idea for P to move in with Fiance and I).
*C and P broke up a few months ago. It turns out C had been cheating on P for a while. She actually broke up with him via Facebook (she just changed her relationship status - very mature, I know).
*C now has a new boyfriend J. She was dating J while she was allegedly still in a relationship with P.
*Fiance has become good friends with P and Fiance hates C for the way she treated P. Fiance doesnt even want C to come to the wedding!
*I sent out a wedding invite to C a month ago and it was just addressed to HER.
*C is flying back to Australia for the wedding and her new boyfriend J is coming with her. C is staying in Australia for a few months but J is just coming for a few weeks.
*While we were chatting on Facebook this morning, it became apparent that C assumed her new boyfriend was invited to the wedding (despite there being no "C and partner" on the wedding invite).
*I therefore told C that due to budget, Fiance and I were not inviting partners that we didnt know to the wedding. I made it clear that we would love to invite J, but that we could not afford to. I also told her that P is also not bringing a +1 (though he is single and doesnt have a partner to bring anyway).
*There is NO WAY that Fiance would want C to bring her boyfriend to the wedding, he doesnt even want C to come in the first place.

So, what do you guys think? Was I wrong not to let C bring her boyfriend to the wedding? I realise that if she were living in Australia it would be completely fine, but because she lives overseas, different considerations apply. Having said that, she's coming back to Australia for a LONG visit (i.e she's not coming back JUST for the wedding). She's clearly angry because we were in the middle of a conversation and she logged off immediately after I told her she couldnt bring her boyfriend.

Thoughts?
 
pinkperfection
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Re: Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:29 pm

i think you should tell her the real reason why he isn't invited. i wouldn't have invited her though in the first place. they have booked tickets for the two of them, so she should have checked first.
 
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Enokicat
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Re: Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Wed Nov 07, 2012 4:40 pm

It's her issue! You don't know the guy and weddings p/p are very expensive and if you have a limit of numbers that can attend it's crap that you have to invite someone you don't know when you couldn't invite other friends anyway.
 
mskei
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Re: Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Wed Nov 07, 2012 5:00 pm

Thanks guys, your comments make me feel a lot better!

A few friends have also said it's her fault for not checking, she shouldn't have assumed that he was invited.

I am a bit offended at her reaction too! Very immature.
 
snoopkat
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Re: Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Wed Nov 07, 2012 9:37 pm

Nope, I don't think you're being unreasonable in not inviting her bf. Forget about the fact that you don't know him from a bar of soap, the fact that the bf is the one C cheated on P with just makes things awkard for everyone concerned. If she doesn't understand that, that's her problem.
 
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KG'sGirl
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Re: Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Wed Nov 07, 2012 9:42 pm

I think you are well within your rights to not invite him for all the reasons you stated. He is flying in from the UK but I assume your wedding isn't the only reason she/they are coming over?
 
seaweed
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Re: Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:03 am

To be honest, I wouldn't even be upset if she didn't come if I was you. What a child. No wonder your fh doesn't want her there.
 
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EmmaCupcake
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Re: Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Thu Nov 08, 2012 11:49 am

seaweed wrote:
To be honest, I wouldn't even be upset if she didn't come if I was you. What a child. No wonder your fh doesn't want her there.

This.
 
dungie79
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Re: Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Thu Nov 08, 2012 12:19 pm

Its quite different circumstances, but I was in a similiar situation as you. I invited an old high school friend to my wedding and she facebooked me asking if she could bring her bf along. I had no idea that she was even in a relationship! I told her that due to financial reasons, he is quite welcome to come to the ceremony, however not the reception. She messaged me back saying no worries, he isnt able to make it to the reception anyway, as he has prior commitments. So I thought that it was the end of that. I was then talking to my other friend, who was on the same table as her on the day, and she told me that the friend had commented on that the fact that there was no placecard for her bf! Huh? I told you that he unfortunately wasnt able to come, and she said that he had prior commitments, so why would I have an empty chair?

Anyway, I guess my point is, is that people really have no idea about weddings unless they plan them themselves. You should be really firm with her and clearly state that you simply dont have the room or the money. If she is a long term friend, then hopefully she will understand! Ppl can act sooo immature sometimes, without realising how much it affects the other person. Good luck !!
 
KateM
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Re: Just told a friend she couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding...

Sun Nov 18, 2012 7:51 pm

Generally speaking, I probably woudl have made an exception for an overseas guests but given the particular circumstances, I don't think you're being unreasonable.
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