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carmen84
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Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Tue Feb 19, 2013 12:11 pm

So i'm just in the early stages, and the part that I really don't want to tackle is the invite list. We wanted a small wedding 30 ish of immediate family and close friends. When i asked FH to write down a rough list of names on his side, he started off good then it became " well if i invite him, i'll have to invite..., and .. is my childhood friend and this person will find out so better invite them. :oops:

I said i was just inviting immediate family, few friends and my aunts and uncles..no cousins. On my side i had around 15 people i wanted to come. He said well my mum will invite all her 9 siblings. I said fine..the difference is, they are in nz and everytime they have come to australia they have bludged a ticket off someone else lol, so I said your not paying for them. Plus he hasn't heard from probably 6 of those aunts/uncles in years. My relos are happy to travel (they are all down south), and pay accommodation for a night then travel back home. If they are busy or cant afford it, they decline. His side of the family, most would expect to stay at our place (2bedroom!!) he has already told 12 people they can stay!!...and that could be bad cos they might never leave :roll: lol When i said, wouldn't they just book a nice cheap hotel instead of having to sleep on lounges or floor, he said 'na its maori styles' :e_wall: Maybe the only way to get them back home is to say we are having our honeymoon in nz, and we'd go back with them for a bit
I can foresee his father having to fork out money for some hotel rooms, which peeves me. Bludging is a pet hate of mine, and it has presented itself many times in our relationship, in regards to his family.



Gets a bit tricky for him though, because in maori/islander families a lot of close friends are actually cousins, so when his best friend is a cousin, he feels bad inviting him and not his brothers.

I know so many people who have got to the invite stage and pulled the plug on the wedding and eloped. I just wish people could receive an invite, and accept or decline without having to whinge, b^tch or bludge.
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Tue Feb 19, 2013 12:36 pm

i'm stressing at the moment, cause we've sort of budgeted for 75 people but we've invited 109 ahhhhhhhhh. I must admit i've been a little sneaky and kept some invites from going out until we start getting some "no" 's back. I know some people won't or can't travel and others will have holidays planned etc, but i'm still a little worried that they'll all turn up lol.
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Tue Feb 19, 2013 12:40 pm

I had 2 issues with my wedding, it wasn't so much the organising but more so other occurrences that I would suggest everyone factor in

1) be careful that your bridal party may gain weight
2) you may be lucky for every guest to attend but be prepared for anywhere from 1 and up to even 10 guests not to show up, waist of money
 
carmen84
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Tue Feb 19, 2013 1:17 pm

Totally understand Agape. My sister married a Greek guy and his father wanted long lost relos to come...and they did.It was a status thing for him. The bride and groom had no idea who they were, but to shut his father up they invited them all (only because his father was paying). My parents had to be clear with their budget in the early days, because they knew what was coming.

I think its so rude, that people just don't turn up on the wedding day. I've been dead sick the weekend of a friends wedding, I missed the ceremony to conserve energy and then dragged myself to the reception, as I knew the costs involved and didn't want to be 'that' person.
 
carmen84
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Tue Feb 19, 2013 4:10 pm

That;s xactly how I think...why would i pay $100 something for a meal for someone 1. i dont know 2. i haven't seen or heard from in years and 3. don't like.
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Tue Feb 19, 2013 4:20 pm

We have the same problem. FMIL has 50 family members that "have to be invited" that FH doesn't speak to anymore :e_wall: My stance is that if she wants them there she can pay $100 a head.
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:32 am

My ds and his fiancee, have invited 65 to their engagement party and already have their wedding guest list done, cut down to 50. It is one of those things that needs to be done early so that there is the minimal stress attached to this task. Make some time to sit down and go over it, If arguments occur, take some time out but go back to it once you have both cooled off until it is done, it is so freeing to know that this has been agreed to, and make no exceptions about more inclusions.
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Wed Feb 20, 2013 8:36 am

rubywoo wrote:
The hardest part for us has been our families telling us what we "must have/do" because that's what weddings are, and then trying to be diplomatic in saying "errr, no... it's our wedding, we'll do what we want."

We were very lucky in this respect as we have older siblings who have both had less-formal weddings.

Mine was definitely the guest list. The time between our engagement party and the wedding DH re-connected with his high school group of friends so all of a sudden there's 6 extra people plus their partners, most of which I had never met. We fought about it for ages and I ended up cutting some people from my list (hockey friends who I see a lot during the season but not super-close to) to invite them. There was one couple that I had met once and they seemed to have a "are they boyfriend/girlfriend?!" type relationship and I refused to invite her. Well now of course we all hang out as a group and its super awkward and I regret not inviting her..
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Wed Feb 20, 2013 8:51 am

We were quite strict about who was being invited. We had a no kid rule bar our flower girls. This included the flower girls two brothers. We only invited one couple who were at the request of DH's grandparents. I have 17 cousins on one side and two got invited. There was only one person I regret inviting and that was my cousins gf. Who at christmas (1 month after) was no longer his gf and I think he knew this was going to be the case. You have to be firm.
One of DH's cousins started making demands about plus ones and inviting her sister who we don't speak to. That cousin got uninvited which did cause her to blow up but now pretty much she is on the outer with the family.
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Wed Feb 20, 2013 12:51 pm

For me, it was trying to get Mr snoopkat to understand that things need to be done at a certain time. He seems to think that he can just wing it and everything will be fine. I've since adopted a new policy - if it doesn't affect me personally on the wedding day, then it's not my problem and I'm not gonna bother nagging him about it anymore. So far, he still hasn't got his ring/suit/transporation organised. He can get on the shuttle bus with the rest of the guests so that's not an issue. If he doesn't have a ring or a proper suit on the wedding day, he's the one that looks like an idiot so it's not my problem.
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:49 pm

snoopkat wrote:
For me, it was trying to get Mr snoopkat to understand that things need to be done at a certain time. He seems to think that he can just wing it and everything will be fine. I've since adopted a new policy - if it doesn't affect me personally on the wedding day, then it's not my problem and I'm not gonna bother nagging him about it anymore. So far, he still hasn't got his ring/suit/transporation organised. He can get on the shuttle bus with the rest of the guests so that's not an issue. If he doesn't have a ring or a proper suit on the wedding day, he's the one that looks like an idiot so it's not my problem.



that made me laugh -
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Wed Feb 20, 2013 5:36 pm

My most stressful part has been communicating with our venue. They're a bunch of morons and have changed so many things and been so rude I just hate them right now.
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Wed Feb 20, 2013 5:37 pm

The invites were the easy part for me! Neither of our parents had any say in who was and wasn't invited. The most stressful thing for me (3 days out) has been wrangling everyone and delegating jobs! There is so much that needs to be finished off, so many little jobs and I really can't finish them myself!
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Thu Feb 21, 2013 10:05 am

For me the most stressful part was being bullied into inviting people we didn't want to and in the end, I really wish we had been more firm and put our foot down rather than give in because their behaviour on the day and in the lead up was disgusting.

Other than that, not much else was stressful besides having to find a new invitations person the week we were meant to have been sending them because they weren't made! (and weren't going to be made)
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Thu Feb 21, 2013 4:12 pm

Blending the cultural traditions, and getting everything translated and printed in both languages.
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Thu Feb 21, 2013 10:10 pm

I would say the whole guest thing has been the most stressful so far

when we decided to get married it was going to be a trip to melbourne to the registry office with a couple of friends and that was it, then our adult kids said no we want to be there, thats fine but they all knew they had to pay to come over, my kids (even though they are both struggling money wise) have booked their airline tickets, organised accommodation and car hire, and are excited to come over.

my partner has three children, one has organised everything, the other is wanting to come over but then making loud noises about money issues and the other just expects that we will pay for plane tickets and pay for everything when they are here. Needless to say they have been given a very big shock.

then theres the extras who we didnt invite who contact and say ohhhhh can we come too, we have a set number for the reception and have budgeted for it, so they extras have been told yes but they have to pay for their meals as they werent formally invited, again still waiting to hear back from them.

everyone has till the end of march to confirm if they will be here, if not then they wont be catered for.

its still a really small wedding but arrrghhhhh at some people's attitude when we had originally planned something so simple

ohhh and a few thought they could just camp at our house and have been disappointed to hear that they cant
 
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Re: Worst or most stressful part of organising a wedding?

Fri Feb 22, 2013 4:25 pm

snoopkat wrote:
For me, it was trying to get Mr snoopkat to understand that things need to be done at a certain time. He seems to think that he can just wing it and everything will be fine. I've since adopted a new policy - if it doesn't affect me personally on the wedding day, then it's not my problem and I'm not gonna bother nagging him about it anymore. So far, he still hasn't got his ring/suit/transporation organised. He can get on the shuttle bus with the rest of the guests so that's not an issue. If he doesn't have a ring or a proper suit on the wedding day, he's the one that looks like an idiot so it's not my problem.


OMG YES!! FH just has NFI when it comes to when things need to be done by. I'm stressing at the moment because our venue is up in the air and we don't have a backup plan or any way to pay for a different venue. FH keeps telling me that it'll be fine and that it'll all get sorted out by the end of March! Cutting it a bit fine if you ask me...
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