I think I can help here...
I'm chinese and we're having a similar type wedding - ie, I'm having a western style ceremony/reception in Australia and then a more traditional 'chinese' reception in malaysia. I think I can help with what you might need to expect in a chinese ceremony: I have read a lot of the tea ceremony tradtions on the net, but as a 'white' girl, what can I expect?
I'll answer this one last... Do I need to provide my own tea set? (Read that it is usually given by bride's family).
Yes usually you should provide your own tea set - however if this is a hassle to carry to HK, I would also think that your FMIL would organise one for you. Speak to her and find out. Do I need to organise an outfit? Would it be a traditional red chinese dress?
you don't need to do this necessarily (my SIL did not wear a traditional red dress, she wore her normal white gown during the tea ceremony, HOWEVER, it shows respect to his family if you did buy a traditional gown. I think they would be really pleased if you did this! I ordered one off ebay which I was really happy with! There are a lot of traditional chinese gowns - from the normal 'cheong sum' to a 'chi pao' - this is more like a loose red shirt and shirt / pants. You don't have to wear a red one (heaps of people will also wear white cheong sums) but red is traditional and a sign of good luck - ie, you will 'attract' good luck. Do I make plans to get my hair and make up done while over there?
this is totally up to you - if you're comfortable doing it yourself, then you should be fine. My mum organised someone to do my hair and makeup and this is usually done in chinese culture but I'd expect that you don't know anyone in HK - so again probably best to get recommendations form your FMIL or anyone else you know who lives there? What else do I need to organise for the day?
Do I expect to do something 'receptiony' afterwards, such as going to a restaurant? If we did this, do I organise bonbonerrie?
I would definitely be expecting a huge reception afterwards, this would include ALL of FH's extended family and friends. It is usually a grand affair in Asian customs, and would include as least 200 guests (i'm guessing). I don't think you would need to organise any of this stuff, as I'd imagine that FMIL would do everything (My mum is organising the M'sian reception- I have no input except to turn up) - this is really their day, their day to show off their son to all their guests. You don't need to provide bon bons, this is not an asian custom (more western) but it is becoming more common in Asian culture to provide them. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.
Is your FH the oldest son in his family? If this is the case, he is the most important member of their family so I would imagine that his family would want to show off his success and marriage as much as possible. To be honest, I think your FMIL would have everything sussed out already - she would already have done all the organising and would probably arrange the usual Chinese customs. As a westerner, she probably wouldn't expct you to know anything but she would be really pleased and feel respected if you showed you know some stuff.
So the way the Chinese wedding day would go soemthing like this:
In the morning of your day, FH will go to your house to pick you up - you will be with all your 'sisters' (ie, female relatives and friends) who will make it extremely difficult for FH to enter - he will have to play a series of games (ranging from drinking a bottle of chili sauce to getting his legs waxed etc) to prove his love to you. Youshould be wearing the traditional red dress at this time.
Once he is worthy of entering your house, you and FH will perform a tea ceremony - this is just you and FH pouring tea to your parents and relatives to show respect. You will kneel or bow whilst doing this whilst FH's parents will sit in a chair. In exchange, they will give you money in red packets and gifts of gold jewelery (traditionally this was to be your lifeline should you need to escape war etc - you can pawn your gold for an escape route). You would usually wear this gold on you the whole day. (It is now also more normal to give white gold rather than yellow gold). There is usually a designated person who organises the tea, changes the cups and calls each person to come and be poured tea to.... Once all the 'older generations' have been given tea, the roles are then reversed and the 'younger generations' - your cousins, anyone in your family who is younger will then bow/kneel and pour tea to you whilst you sit on the chair. You are then expected to to give them red packets of money in exchanged (about AUD10 to AUD20 equivalent is enough).
Depending on how chinese FH's family is - there are also exchange of gifts... FH's family will give you a whole roast pig (with legs and head and everything) - this sounds gross, but it symbolises your virginity - your pig in exchange for your virginity.
then there are the traditional chinese gifts like mushrooms, oranges etc (they all mean something but I'm not sure what!).
Then after all the tea pouring is done, you will then both go to FH's house, where the whole tea pouring thing takes place again with his side of the family.
Sometimes, there is also lion / dragon dances etc to symbolise good luck, prosperity and health.
There is no formal 'exchange of vows' in chinese ceremonies, this is it!!
Afterwards, you will go to the reception (if you are having htis).
The reception will be a 10 course chinese banquet, usually starting with shark fin soup. Then there will be mushroom dishes, quail, fish / lobster, rice, a variety of chinese delicacies (abalone, scallops, prawns) etc. Seafood is very highly respected and a sign of wealth, so expect plenty of this!
It is NORMAL for the bride to change dresses a few times during the reception - you may choose to enter the reception wearing your traditional white western gown, then change into your red chinese gown, then perhaps another western style evening dress. It is quite normal to choose different colours, different styles and change at least 3 times.
It is also normal during the night to go to each table and have a toast - you and FH and immediate family (usually FH's mum and dad) will go table to table with a glass of hard liquor (usually whisky of some sort) and the guests will all stand up and say at the top of their voices 'YUUUUM SENG!' (meaning 'cheers' - the word 'yum' is held as long as possible), the aim of this is to be the loudest table possible so this generally takes over the reception. You are also meant to down your whole glass at this time, so you can imagine being quite drunk if you had 20 tables to get through. Most girls only sip it nowadays. The boys are expected to drown their glass.
In terms of entertainment, there really isn't much in Chinese weddings - the general theme is to eat eat eat!
Some ppl will have karaoke, and some ppl will have a band similar to western weddings.
There are usually no garter or bouquet throws, BUT there might be some naughty games - you would think that Chinese culture is quite conservative but the games are not - some games to expect:
- perhaps they might blindfold FH and ask him to touch a series of womens' bums or hands (or mens!) and identify which one is yours
- roll an egg from one leg to another using your mouth
That's about it Dandelion!
Let me know if you want to know anything else! Good luck!!