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2bwed
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To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:04 pm

FH, FMIL, FFIL and I have all discussed this, and I know it's been discussed a billion and one times on this forum, but I really need to know if it would be appropriate in this particular case. I have also provided additional options in my little speal below.

We have a lot of out of town guests who are invited, our guest list is about 80, and as discussed in a previous thread, it is important to me to have that many guests. I've worked out that it will cost about $35/head for entree, main, dessert and the wine + non-alcoholic drinks we are providing. We will already be asking guests to BYO beer and spirits (it is a day wedding, and we are buying the wine for toasts). If all 80 people reply and say yes they want to come, we will have difficulty paying for all of them - that's over half of our wedding budget!!!! We can afford to pay for about half of the guests in full. So we have a couple of options:

1) Ask guests (approx. 20 people) that are already in town to 'pay for their own main' - and contribute $10 for an adult for their main meal (kids free, and these guests will have the ability to tick/number their meat preferences - chicken, lamb, beef, kangaroo or turkey). This would definitely ease our budget slightly and help out by $200. We could then pay for all of the out of town guests pretty much with not a lot of problems.

2) Ask ALL guests to contribute as above (FH was confused as to why we only ask one set of people and not another - I told him that the out of towners already have so much to pay for to come to our wedding, and the in town guests are our closest friends and family and might not mind).

3) FH and I were thinking we could ask guests to BYO their own meat for the BBQ, we will provide salads/breads and everything else. My thought on this was that it might be difficult for out of town guests to do this because they might not know where supermarkets/butchers are, and also, how are we meant to keep track of whose meat is whose? We're also already asking people to BYO beer and spirits, so I might feel weird.

4) I have thought about cutting out the main meal, and having the reception go from 2pm - 5.30pm with the ceremony at 1pm... This would be fine by me and FH, but FFIL and FMIL have said that it might be a bit unfair to out of town guests to only have a short reception, and also we're spending a bit of money on entertainment (games and photobooth) to keep the people who don't drink occupied. A lot of each of our families do not drink at all, or only very little, and probably won't dance either, so we had to find another way to keep things fun.

FFIL, FMIL and FH don't find a problem with asking for money or a 'contribution' as they like to call it. I feel uncomfortable doing so, even though it's not a lot of money (I know in the past there have been threads concerning paying for the whole meal which could end up quite a lot for the guests). I'm still trying to cut down my budget though... FMIL still reckons that only about 50 or so will show up though, which would still be a little more than we could afford, but I'm sure we'll work something out.

What are your suggestions ladies?
 
KateM
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:12 pm

I think the afternoon tea option would be ok.

I don't like asking them to bring meat or contribute money.

Honestly - ditch the photobooth. What was your other idea for games? I'm sure we can help you come up with some entertainment type games which are very budget friendly.
 
KateM
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:15 pm

Also, if you have an afternoon tea, you could plan to have dinner at a local pub and tell guests that's where you'll be if they'd like to dine there also. Then dinner is on their dime, but the out of towners will get to spend more time with you, and if people choose not to go, they didn't miss any part of the actual wedding.
 
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Lanta Bride
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:20 pm

I agree with what Ruby and Kate have said. I would cut out the photo booth or games. I have never been to a wedding that has had these, I don't dance much and I rarely drink cos I drive and I have never been bored at a wedding yet!!
I would also have an afternoon tea and then tell guests that you will be at a restaurant/nice pub and they are welcome to join you if they wish.
 
2bwed
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:32 pm

KateM wrote:
Also, if you have an afternoon tea, you could plan to have dinner at a local pub and tell guests that's where you'll be if they'd like to dine there also. Then dinner is on their dime, but the out of towners will get to spend more time with you, and if people choose not to go, they didn't miss any part of the actual wedding.


We did think about having an after party for out of towners only in the backyard, and asking them to BYO meat to that if they want to come, which is usually what we do with family BBQs every fortnight. Even if no out of towners show up, we'd all still have a BBQ dinner without them.

The thing is, if we pay for the venue to have an afternoon tea, that includes a BBQ... so we may as well just have dinner there IYKWIM? It just depends on if we need staff as well... and if the bloody venue coordinator would CALL ME BACK, I would know lol :p

The 'photo booth' is basically props and a photo frame in a certain area - or props on each table so that guests can take photos of themselves doing silly things. The games are 2 - 3 sets of cards per table so that they can play warlords and scumbags, giant chess (on FHs insistence), bocce (that we own), and horseshoe throwing. It will cost about $277 for 4 days hire of the giant chess set ($3000 to buy) and the horseshoe throw.
 
2bwed
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:11 pm

Phew... my brain is about to explode now.

I have just spent the last half an hour talking to the venue coordinator. We originally thought we had to pay an arm and a leg for staff at the venue (somewhere in the vicinity of $500) not including the cold room ($135) and the actual venue itself ($550). I just spoke to him and the grand total comes to: $785!!! :bdance: We also get 20% off the wines there (the venue is a winery).

SO after doing some very hardcore maths: We can afford to do the BBQ after all, with the antipasto platters and the dessert buffet + enough wine for 3 drinks per person + non alcoholic drinks FOR 80 people!!! The grand total? $1710. I originally guesstimated about $35 per head, but after searching the woolworths website (to price salads and antipasto stuff) and calling the butcher and the chicken shop to get guesstimates of how much skewers and sausages will be and also taking into account the wine discount, and then working out how many adults and children there would be and blah blah blah blah blah. Now my brain hurts. Anyway, now it is down to about $21.50 per head. EPIC.

Something really has to give though, and I'm thinking I might cut out the really really large chess set - I was going to get it for FH as a wedding present (hiring it that is), but I'll just get the really large one + horse shoe throwing + cards + props on the tables = $200. Saving of $150 there. I'm also going to ask (very nicely) for FMIL to pay for the flowers (she offered, but I haven't said anything yet). Saving of another $350. So all together, with the savings from the venue + the savings from these two small things means that we can afford 80 if all 80 come. YAY!

Thanks for your views guys. I really appreciate it. I shouldn't make the guests pay at all, it's our wedding after all :)
 
KateM
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:51 pm

I'm glad you found a way to make it work :)
 
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KG'sGirl
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 6:15 pm

I'm so glad you made it work - it really shows that you dont need to have an expensive wedding!
 
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StephMT
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 10:21 pm

I posted in your other thread, but ezibuy has a large chess set for sale for $80 if you wanted to still gift that.
 
2bwed
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Thu Nov 29, 2012 11:52 pm

StephMT wrote:
I posted in your other thread, but ezibuy has a large chess set for sale for $80 if you wanted to still gift that.


I do love that one :) And it'd be so much fun to have in our house... especially coz FH and I love to play chess. Unfortunately it's half the size of the one he wants to hire... so I dunno, maybe! I'll definitely keep it on the backburner - thanks :)
 
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stormageddon
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Fri Nov 30, 2012 9:30 am

I made a post then realised you made it work already so deleted my post :D
 
gdemon
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Re: To ask or not to ask (for a donation towards the mains)

Fri Nov 30, 2012 12:56 pm

Hooray!!! I'm so happy for you!!
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