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fwm
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Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 6:18 pm

I'm devastated atm because I wrongly assumed that my 8 week old exclusively breastfed baby was invited to my brother's wedding in 2 weeks time. It came up in a discussion last night and I was told that I can't bring him :(.

I wear him in a baby wrap. He doesn't cry and settles immediately on the breast. I don't even have to take him out of the wrap to feed him. All he does is feed and sleep. I can understand an older baby but surely an exclusively breastfed infant can go along with its mother?

Either way, I can't go to the wedding as they don't want any babies their but what are people's thoughts on this? I can't believe I have to miss my baby brother's wedding :(.
 
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EmmaCupcake
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 6:25 pm

I think your brother needs to understand that right now your bub needs you and at only 8 weeks old I'm sure you would hate to leave bub with someone.
Maybe just point out that bub isn't going to cost them a cent and offer to leave the room when/if bub cries and feeds?

Hopefully he comes around and lets you bring your bub.
 
fwm
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 6:25 pm

Thanks misspony. They expect me to give him a bottle and leave him with a babysitter. Even if I wanted to leave him (which I don't and won't), everyone who could possibly look after him will be at the wedding.
 
fwm
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 6:40 pm

Thanks MrsH but they aren't going to change their mind. They told me I could take him to the get-together the following day. I've accepted that I'm not going but just wanted to hear what others thought.

Unfortunately I think it is going to cause a rift in my family as my sister is refusing to go now, out of principle. I asked her not to make a stand but she is stubborn (and being an equal opportunities solicitor, she gets quite worked up if she feels that situations are unfair).

All of this awfulness just because of my beautiful baby boy. How can something so precious turn into such a sad situation :(.
 
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phillipaelise
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 6:55 pm

I think this is absolutely ridiculous and it actually makes me so cranky!! My cousin was married two weeks ago and my nephew would have been 8 weeks then and there was no way he wouldn't have been allowed to go. My two year old niece wasn't invited but I completely understand - she's a running around, refusing to eat, crying and yelling mess machine at the moment.

You're completely right to be really upset by this! He is your immediate family, I don't even understand how they could consider saying no? Maybe if you explained how difficult it is to produce enough milk to express whilst breastfeading?
 
fwm
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 7:09 pm

Thanks Ashling. I really appreciate your suggestions but I just can't leave him. He gets too distressed if he is away from me. Even while I have a shower, I have be in and out in just a few minutes. He sleep very contently in the wrap on my chest but wakes for so many feeds. Even despite all this, I don't want to be away from him anyway. He is too young, I've accepted that I'm not going.

Maybe one day, when they have their own baby, they might understand.
 
fwm
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 7:13 pm

Thanks Phillipaesie but, even if I could express, he gets too distressed if he away from me. He is too young to leave.
 
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phillipaelise
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 7:20 pm

Yeah fwm :( It sucks that they've put you in such a crappy situation.
 
pinkperfection
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:17 pm

I would go and take him with you. I think it's ridiculous that they said no when he is so young and their nephew. Other people who aren't that close to you, fair enough say no babies but not immediate family's newborns. I wouldn't be keen to leave an 8 week old with anyone
 
fwm
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:12 pm

I've been asked not to take him to the church as well Agape. They are getting married in her old school chapel and they are worried he will cry. He won't cry anyway as he is attached to my boob in the wrap. He just doesn't cry as he never needs to. I accept that it is their wedding and their choice not to have babies. I'm just very sad that I will miss my brother's wedding. There is no way I can leave my baby anyway and, even if I wanted to, everyone who could look after him will be at the wedding.

I've been to several weddings where babes in arms are automatically accepted but they are not wanting any babies at all.
 
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cloudie
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Thu Sep 06, 2012 10:12 pm

Is it your brother, or your FSIL calling the shots?

I am not a fan of kids at weddings, but a breastfeeding baby is different.

If it were my brother I would tell him to suck a fat one and not go. It's his nephew.
 
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KG'sGirl
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 8:01 am

I think it is pretty poor on their behalf to tell you that you can't bring him to the ceremony or the reception. At 8 weeks old, as you said all he does is eat and sleep - and its your brother and SIL?

If it was me - I wouldn't attend their wedding. Its sad and I would be disappointed as I imagine you are but there is a huge difference between a child at a wedding and a 8 WEEK old baby.
 
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stormageddon
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 12:45 pm

Hi FWM,

This topic has been discussed allot on WC
http://forum.weddingcentral.com.au/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=136133&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&hilit=children
http://forum.weddingcentral.com.au/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=96042&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&hilit=children
http://forum.weddingcentral.com.au/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=136157&p=2146401&hilit=+babies#p2146401

you can read some replies, when children/babies are concerned it is solely up to the person who's wedding it is to decide. I do not believe it is a given right to bring your children to a wedding. If the invitation does not have the names of your children then I would assume they are not invited.

That being said I understand it may be difficult to leave a newborn baby when they are breast fed, can you express milk and leave him with a family member he has been around like a grand parent?
 
fwm
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:14 pm

Yes, it's fine stormageddon. As I've said, there is noone who can look after him anyway as they will all be at the wedding and he is far too young to leave anyway.

I'm actually really angry about it now anyway. We cancelled our flights and accommodation last night, losing a lot of money in the process. I know the money isn't the most important thing but we don't have money to throw around willy nilly.

I understand that it's their wedding and they have the right not to have babies there but they have left us in an impossible situation. I've decided that, if they can't bend their rules to have their infant nephew at the wedding, then they don't really want us there anyway so they just aren't worth knowing anymore. I am so angry that I am not having anything to do with them again.

Thanks for all of the advice. This is a great resource. I hope you all have wonderful weddings and a fantastic day!
 
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stormageddon
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:43 pm

fwm wrote:
I understand that it's their wedding and they have the right not to have babies there but they have left us in an impossible situation. I've decided that, if they can't bend their rules to have their infant nephew at the wedding, then they don't really want us there anyway so they just aren't worth knowing anymore. I am so angry that I am not having anything to do with them again.


It's a little extreme don't you think, I know you are angry and upset right now but surely you don't want to lose your brother over this? hopefully you will feel better after a few days have passed
 
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Miss Michelle
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 3:14 pm

I am not a fan of "kids" at weddings but I always assumed a new-born baby is the exception, I appreciate that it is difficult enough for the parents to even get to the event so don't want to make it even harder.

I am assuming they don't have children? I don't know how they could expect you to leave such a young baby that needs to be breastfed with someone other than your immediate family!
 
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stormageddon
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 3:27 pm

alternatively is there a private room where the ceremony/reception is being held where you can set up a portable crib/baby monitor?
 
pinkperfection
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 4:25 pm

I think it's extreme that the bride and groom have said don't come. They are flying interstate for this wedding so I would assume no other family there to look after baby. And as she has said, baby is attached to mum and does not separate easily. I think there will be regrets all round that you are missing the wedding but there is no way I would leave an 8 week old with a babysitter I didn't know or in an adjoining room, SIDS recommendations are baby room in for at least 6 months so if you were at a wedding in the next room you wouldn't even hear the monitor
 
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 5:21 pm

I think you're quite within your rights to be angry. The baby is only 8 weeks old. I took my 9 day old son to a wedding and sat in another room to feed him during the reception. It was no problem at all and the bride and groom were just so happy I could make it as the wedding was booked before my unexpected pregnancy, and my son was due on the wedding day. This sounds to me like your brother and fsil might be a little jealous of any attention a new born baby could get over them on their big day. Good on your sister for sticking up for you. It'll be a shame if this causes a family rift, but I don't know anyone who would deny their sister to bring their 8 week old nephew to their wedding. Hope you plan to do something lovely on that day instead. :)
 
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mrsWtobe
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 6:06 pm

This is a difficult situation - I can understand why you are upset :/

But in saying that, I agree with some other posters that at the end of the day it is their wedding. Perhaps they felt they couldn't say yes to some children and not others? I only suggest this as I am getting married in 8 weeks and my fiance and I felt this way. We have toddlers in our ceremony but have had to say no to them coming to the reception which we felt really bad about - BUT if we said yes to them, we would have to say yes to everyone - and everyone would have been 56 kids under 12! Our nephews and nieces who are in our bridal party - have not been invited to the reception. We do have 4 newborns coming..which we are totally ok with....but it was not a easy decision to not let other kids come. In some, ways I can understand from their point of view of saying no to every child would be easier than saying yes to some and not others. Not saying I agree, but as I have been through a similar experience recently - it is not a easy decision.

I hope the situation works out and you get to go to the wedding :)
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