A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
fwm
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 8:43 pm

Unfortunately my partner's parents have passed away but, even if they hadn't, they wouldn't be able to watch him as we live in Adelaide and the wedding is in Melbourne. My partner will be staying in Adelaide as he will be recovering from surgery.

It's an impossible situation unfortunately. Unless I am prepared to leave him with a stranger (which I'm not), we can't go. We already cancelled the flights and accommodation for bubs and I last night now, anyway, as there is no other option. I know it's only the cost of my flight and accommodation but that's still a lot of money for us.

I know you were only trying to help with your suggestion about leaving my baby in a private room Agape but it's illegal in Australia to leave a baby unattended like that. I wouldn't leave him anyway but just thought I had better to respond in case anyone read it and thought it might be a good idea.

I really do appreciate all of your suggestions and advice but the situation is impossible. They do not want him there and so I can't go. I have calmed down a bit but I am feeling very angry now, rather than just hurt, as I was feeling before. I have spoken to several friends who have attended weddings with newborns and not even thought to ask. I will be most upset to find out that people turn up with babies anyway after I've been told I can't bring mine, when he is the groom's nephew and it is my brother's wedding :(.
 
JanelleBridge
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 07, 2012 9:05 pm

I feel really sad for you in this situation :( I completely understand your unwillingness to leave your baby. The first three months are such a special time for bonding and building trust etc and as a new mum it's a time when your completely wrapt up in the "baby bubble". :heart: :heart: :heart: All you think about is your baby! Of course as mums we always think of our kids, but that first 3 months is like an infatuation, where they never leave our thoughts even for a second.

I do understand the no children concept, my husband and I both didn't want children at our own wedding, but were fine with newborns attending.
I hope your brother and sister in law can understand the situation and that it doesn't cause any further rifts in your family. I am assuming they had the "no children" rule in place and thought "we cant invite one and not others" and this probably makes sense to them if they do not have children of their own yet.

When they have children of their own they will understand.
 
seaweed
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Sat Sep 08, 2012 8:08 am

Actually, I would feel exactly the same as you and make the same decision to cut them. It won't be just you, it will be your sister and your son as well. Somebody else made the point that it may not be your brother's decision but your fsil. But to be honest, if he is so whipped then he deserves what he gets. We teach our children that there are consequences for our actions so why not them. I really think that they are dogs.
 
bekabulwinkle
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Sat Sep 08, 2012 10:43 am

Im in the position of being on both sides of this - my cousin is getting married next week and our 2.5 year old is not invited -- i understand that but because family is going we really dont have anyone to look after him - for over a month we have been asking other halfs sister to look after him but she keeps say she will see.... my dad said he would look after him but he is disable... it also means i will be worried all night and not having a good time.....

On the other side i am getting married next year and would like to keep the kid contingent down - however i have family comming interstate and friends who have kids -- the interstate kids will be there, most of the kids will be pre teen or teenagers though, most of my cousines have older kids or teenagers who are not going to be invited though.... my brother has kids adn they are all invited, i think immediate family all kids should be invited...

I personally think 8 weeks is young enough that all they really do is sleep and eat - i dont understand why you cant take your little one... people are just weird i guess.

If someone i invite asks about kids i would have to take it case by case,
 
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cloudie
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Sat Sep 08, 2012 11:27 pm

stormageddon wrote:
fwm wrote:
I understand that it's their wedding and they have the right not to have babies there but they have left us in an impossible situation. I've decided that, if they can't bend their rules to have their infant nephew at the wedding, then they don't really want us there anyway so they just aren't worth knowing anymore. I am so angry that I am not having anything to do with them again.


It's a little extreme don't you think, I know you are angry and upset right now but surely you don't want to lose your brother over this? hopefully you will feel better after a few days have passed


Essentially, her brother is cutting out his nephew. I would do the same to my brother!

What do your parents say about the situation fwm?
 
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KG'sGirl
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:35 am

cloudie wrote:
stormageddon wrote:
fwm wrote:
I understand that it's their wedding and they have the right not to have babies there but they have left us in an impossible situation. I've decided that, if they can't bend their rules to have their infant nephew at the wedding, then they don't really want us there anyway so they just aren't worth knowing anymore. I am so angry that I am not having anything to do with them again.


It's a little extreme don't you think, I know you are angry and upset right now but surely you don't want to lose your brother over this? hopefully you will feel better after a few days have passed


Essentially, her brother is cutting out his nephew. I would do the same to my brother!

What do your parents say about the situation fwm?


This was my thought.

They can't expect you to travel interstate and leave him a stranger? He is only 8 weeks old. I don't have children but I would have done the same thing as hard as it is.
 
Mrs Babb to be
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:29 pm

So sorry to hear, I think its wrong and totally uncalled for that your brother hasnt even thought about anyone else besides himself in this situation. I totally understand that its their Wedding by any means but seriously IT IS HIS NEPHEW!
I hope it all works out for you hun, but good on you for sticking to your guns

sending hugs xxx
 
dungie79
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Mon Sep 10, 2012 1:08 pm

That is so sad, for whatever reason your brother has for not letting your baby come. I didnt invite kids, and that was soley based on the fact that I didnt want to pay $100 per head for the kids to eat a few chips and ice cream. The only kid that will be at the wedding will be my future niece who is 2 and since my FH is Japanese and his family are travelling from Japan, I consider that to be a fair excuse as I wouldnt expect her to be with a babysitter who speaks another language. Breast feeding babies are also fine.. I would feel terrible to place new mums in the situation where they are worried all night. Good luck!!!
 
sidonie
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:57 pm

I think newborns need to be an exception...for obvious reasons. And I think you're well in your rights and perfectly reasonable to decline the invite based on the fact that your baby needs to be with you at all times at the moment.

I also get that you'd be pretty hurt and angry. But I think where it gets extreme is when you say you're cutting your brother out of your life. It's rude of him but don't forget he and his fiance are probably stressed to the max with all sorts of people making demands of them so they may have made this decision from a besieged point of view. Try to let it go. You're doing the right thing by your baby and it's sad that you can't come but people make bad decisons all the time. He's your brother though. He's being a doofus but he IS your brother.
 
Robot_Movie
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:45 pm

I'm sure he'll understands hy you can't be there... It's not unreasonable for you not to go.
 
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stormageddon
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Tue Sep 11, 2012 10:58 am

sidonie wrote:
It's rude of him but don't forget he and his fiance are probably stressed to the max with all sorts of people making demands of them so they may have made this decision from a besieged point of view. Try to let it go. You're doing the right thing by your baby and it's sad that you can't come but people make bad decisons all the time. He's your brother though. He's being a doofus but he IS your brother.

:tick: :tick: well said Sidonie, I was one of the ones who said i complelety understand babies not being invited as its his wedding so its his choice but in saying that I gave in and I am letting my sister bring my 6 month old niece because she doesnt have anyone to sit for her so maybe you can speak to your brother again and just tell him that whilst you should not have assumed to bring your son you would also like him to understand that at this stage there is just no way that you can come to the wedding without him and you are sorry you will miss his big day? I think it's worth trying to at least save your relationship with your brother.
 
Aria86
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Fri Sep 14, 2012 10:40 pm

Without opening a can of worms or offending anyone.. I have a friend who was in the same position as you. She was told she could not bring her 4 week old baby under any circumstances even though she had known the bride for 15 years. She was told the reason she couldn't bring the baby was because they didn't want to hear crying during the ceremony but she later found out from one of the BM's that the groom didn't want breastfeeding at the wedding as he felt weddings are an "inappropriate place for breastfeeding" and didn't want other guests to feel uncomfortable if she was to do it at the dinner table or in a non discreet manner. Some simple communication beforehand would have solved this as my friend is VERY discreet. I'm not saying this is why you're baby isn't invited but it's something to consider.. A lot of people have an issue with breastfeeding and aren't upfront about it, because any reasonable person would understand a mother can not be away from their baby if they are breastfeeding especially if you are travelling.
Last edited by Aria86 on Sat Sep 15, 2012 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
goody2shoes_810
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Re: Breastfeeding infant not invited

Mon Sep 17, 2012 4:19 pm

I think it's rude to not invite a baby who is being breastfed. I don't understand why you wouldn't? Fair enough not to invite kids that run around and break things, but a baby??
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