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Mjulz87
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Do you think it's rude?

Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:29 pm

Do you think it's rude to expect your guests to bring a gift or money to the wedding?

Someone I know just recently got married and titled their guests as "freeloaders" and "selfish" because they didn't provide a gift and/or money.

Thoughts?

In my opinion, I dont believe you should expect your guests to bring a gift however, it's common courtesy for a guest to provide a gift and/or money. Celebrating marriage isn't about receiving gifts but it is about celebrating the love between two people.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:40 am

We have asked specifically not for gifts. But we did put that info on the invites.
I personally would feel weird turning up with nothing myself but i completely understand how expensive it is to get ready for someone else's wedding...new dress, new shoes, possily new suit and tie for him etc. Accomodation if its not in your home town, etc.

I certainly wouldnt say those things that were said by the hosts. Its a bit harsh and selfish to expect a gift.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:59 am

I think its rude to turn up with less than a card.
I personally would always give a gift at a wedding - even if it was a cheap one due to budget. And I'd buy one regardless of whether the invite said not to. Sorry- but you don't get to dictate whether I give a gift or not. If you don't want it, you don't have to keep it.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 5:00 am

In the past no one would even dream of attending a wedding giftless, but now it is different with added expenses sometimes proving exxy. I have to admit that I have attended weddings without a gift, but due to circumstances out of my control. I do think that it is rude to not give something to the bride and groom who are paying for your attendence as well.
 
Mjulz87
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:53 am

Oh I completely agree that it is rude not to turn up without a gift, back in the day, gifts use to be such things that would help the couple start a new life together (kettles, toasters, pots, etc...) and times slightly have changed.

But it's a different story when you call your guests "freeloaders" and "selfish" because they didn't turn up with a gift, I think as a bride and groom, you shouldn't expect a gift/money, I think that is rude.

It really goes both ways..but I was asking the question from a 'bride and groom' perspective. If I was a guest I wouldn't turn up with nothing. In 82 days I'm going to be a bride and all of our guests are going to have to travel and pay for accommodation for our wedding so we don't expect gifts/monies at all, although we put in a wishing well verse in our invitation, we wouldn't be offended if a guest didn't give us a gift because as long as they turn up and celebrate the day with us, that's all that really matters to us. And I sure as hell wouldn't turn around and call my friends and family members "freeloaders"..
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:50 am

This is a hard one.

As a bride and groom you should not expect gifts, but as a guest I think you should at the very least give a card.

At my wedding a family member asked at the last minute if her son could attend, while we were not planning on having children given she was a single mother and the wedding was on (accidentally) mother's day we agreed he could come. So it really did upset me when they did not even give me a card, in fact what they did was open up a card from another relative and add their names after the 'giving' relative! This upset me as we incurred significant additional expense inviting her son (who definitely hit the open bar, apparently he was drinking $30.00 scotches when we opened it completely) and also risked offending other family members who children could not attend.

So my answer is yes its rude to expect a gift, but its also rude for a guest to not bring one, or at the bare minimum a card. My answer would be different from a destination wedding as so much more expense is incurred in attending.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:56 am

I definitely think it is rude to attend a wedding and not bring a gift.
A bride and groom spend so much money on their guests food, beverages and entertainment and it is expected to give a gift whether it be an item or cash, in saying that it can be something small but I would never attend a wedding and not bring a gift.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:35 am

I agree that it's rude to expect your guests to give you a gift... and that it's rude to turn up to a wedding without even a card! While I do think it's a little tacky to ask for gifts, we decided to put a note about a wishing well in our invitation pack because we don't want physical gifts. We have lived together for 6 years, and we already have way too much stuff. Anything we want, we just buy for ourselves, so it's not like we need anything.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:59 am

we are just having our kids at our wedding so no gifts are happening as they are flying in from interstate and thats enough to spend.

as a guest I always take a gift, if its a wishing well only I will give a small token as I am not a believer in asking for money for a wedding present.

we attended one wedding where they had a honeymoon register, and nothing less than $200 would be accepted, that was way out of our budget at the time (and we were travelling to get to the wedding) so for that wedding I took a card and the bride wasnt impressed that we didnt contribute to her honeymoon and went to the point of saying we had ruined it for her (found out later she said that to all who didnt contribute). To me that was rude and in bad taste.

the bride and groom should be grateful for whatever people can afford to give, and guest should at least make an effort where possible.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:03 pm

we are just having our kids at our wedding so no gifts are happening as they are flying in from interstate and thats enough to spend.

as a guest I always take a gift, if its a wishing well only I will give a small token as I am not a believer in asking for money for a wedding present.

we attended one wedding where they had a honeymoon register, and nothing less than $200 would be accepted, that was way out of our budget at the time (and we were travelling to get to the wedding) so for that wedding I took a card and the bride wasnt impressed that we didnt contribute to her honeymoon and went to the point of saying we had ruined it for her (found out later she said that to all who didnt contribute). To me that was rude and in bad taste.

the bride and groom should be grateful for whatever people can afford to give, and guest should at least make an effort where possible.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:09 pm

Wow dictating a minimum for a wishing well - I have not heard of that before!

I have however been faced with the dreaded 'ridiculously expensive register' where the cheapest item I could find was a $899.00 mixmaster!
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:16 pm

mrcm1166 wrote:
we attended one wedding where they had a honeymoon register, and nothing less than $200 would be accepted, that was way out of our budget at the time (and we were travelling to get to the wedding) so for that wedding I took a card and the bride wasnt impressed that we didnt contribute to her honeymoon and went to the point of saying we had ruined it for her (found out later she said that to all who didnt contribute). To me that was rude and in bad taste.

the bride and groom should be grateful for whatever people can afford to give, and guest should at least make an effort where possible.



wow that is ungrateful, as i said i believe you should always bring a gift but no one should ask for a specific amount of money. and you should never berate your guests if they didnt give you what you wanted!
 
Mjulz87
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:33 pm

mrcm1166 wrote:
we attended one wedding where they had a honeymoon register, and nothing less than $200 would be accepted, that was way out of our budget at the time (and we were travelling to get to the wedding) so for that wedding I took a card and the bride wasnt impressed that we didnt contribute to her honeymoon and went to the point of saying we had ruined it for her (found out later she said that to all who didnt contribute). To me that was rude and in bad taste.

the bride and groom should be grateful for whatever people can afford to give, and guest should at least make an effort where possible.



wow that is terrible!

Agape, I don't believe you're old fashioned at all. My partner and I are the exact same, when we attend a friends for dinner we provide a bottle of wine and a 6 pack for the guys, but this is not "expected" from us, nobody expects us to bring anything as we are "guests"....we're invited because they want to enjoy our company.

It's really a tricky question, I put it out there because the bride got married on Saturday and on Sunday morning her facebook status was about the "freeloaders" who turned up to her wedding and didn't even give a gift and therefore, they're selfish.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 2:31 pm

that's pretty full on! we had at least one friend (since high school but don't see each other much, keep in touch on facebook kinda friend) come to our wedding and we noticed no card, no entry on the gift registry, etc). to me a card is the bare minimum, i cannot imagine going to a wedding without a card and present/wishing well/honeymoon registry, etc.

i'm not miffed enough to mention it because we had a great night with them, although they did leave about 8:30 before speeches, first dance, etc. i was having too good a time to worry about why they were leaving. i'm assuming they were working the next morning but i never asked.

i can't believe people have such expensive gift registries and "minimums' on honeymoon registry. that's ridiculous.

in the end, i didn't get married for presents, donations, etc, i got married because i love him. so the odd one who doesn't give a gift or card, meh! oh well. maybe they forgot. who knows, i'm too busy enjoying being married to worry about it :)
 
Mjulz87
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 2:42 pm

pinkperfection wrote:
in the end, i didn't get married for presents, donations, etc, i got married because i love him. so the odd one who doesn't give a gift or card, meh! oh well. maybe they forgot. who knows, i'm too busy enjoying being married to worry about it :)




That's how it should be pinkperfection :)
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 10, 2012 3:12 pm

It's rude and excessive for the bride to slag her guests publicly on FB the day after the wedding, but I should confess to a bit of disappointment that I felt after our wedding too.

One guest did not give us a wedding card or gift, and while we aren't particularly close to this friend (whom I invited as part of a group of good friends) I felt a little disappointed at the lack of a card. We didn't have a guestbook so that means we have no personal wedding message at all from this friend.

Well, that said, it was a very very minor and trivial concern. We had a fantastic wedding and fantastic guests, and beyond being mildly surprised this really didn't bother me at all.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Fri Sep 14, 2012 11:52 pm

Although traditionally it is accepted that a gift should be to the value of what it cost the bride and groom to have the guest there, in this day and age when a lot of people are struggling even a simple card would suffice. Weddings can be expensive for guests too - when I was a uni student on a very low income I went to a friend's wedding where I gave $50 at the engagement, the hen's night was $150 per head, I spent $100 on a new outfit for the wedding (bride had specific colours that were requested), I had to take the day off work unpaid because the wedding was on a friday (loss of $120) and I gave them $50 in a card for the wishing well at the wedding. It was above my budget at the time and I wouldn't do it again but the fact is that costs add up for guests too.
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Sat Sep 15, 2012 1:40 am

L.I.W wrote:
Wow dictating a minimum for a wishing well - I have not heard of that before!

I have however been faced with the dreaded 'ridiculously expensive register' where the cheapest item I could find was a $899.00 mixmaster!


In that case, the bride and groom would get a bottle/pot/tub of jewellery cleaner for their new wedding rings :) Not too expensive, and while its not from the registry, its still relevant to the wedding :P
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Sat Sep 15, 2012 8:06 am

I really believe it is rude not to turn up with a gift but in saying that destination weddings are extremely different. I have been to a destination wedding and it was the best wedding I have ever been to. We did not buy the bride and groom a gift but we spent the lead up week to the wedding with them and paid for quite a few things for them.

If the wedding is around where all the guests are then you should always bring a gift. It is no different to a normal party whether it be birthday or just a gathering. People need to stop being so rude and tight assed and be generous. There is nothing worse!
 
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Re: Do you think it's rude?

Sat Sep 15, 2012 2:58 pm

Wand33 wrote:
L.I.W wrote:
Wow dictating a minimum for a wishing well - I have not heard of that before!

I have however been faced with the dreaded 'ridiculously expensive register' where the cheapest item I could find was a $899.00 mixmaster!


In that case, the bride and groom would get a bottle/pot/tub of jewellery cleaner for their new wedding rings :) Not too expensive, and while its not from the registry, its still relevant to the wedding :P


That is an awesome idea! :lol:
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