A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
Aria86
Member
Member
Posts: 56
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:04 pm

Re: Do you think it's rude?

Sat Sep 15, 2012 3:29 pm

Does anyone think it is extremely rude for a couple to invite as many people as possible to their engagement party, request a gift or money on the invite, then not invite the majority of the people to the wedding? I've spent a lot of money on engagement presents where I haven't ended up being invited to the wedding. It just looks like money grabbing to me.
 
amyk33
Member
Member
Posts: 47
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2012 9:05 pm

Re: Do you think it's rude?

Sat Sep 15, 2012 3:38 pm

I think its rude to not come with a card/gift/contribution of some kind. We are doing our wedding and reception together. We only had a private family dinner at a restaurant to celebrate our engagement and we got beautiful congratulations cards and they paid for their own dinners and i think even shouted our side of the bill, so that was plenty of a gift.

I'm just thinking from my perspective here (so please try not to think i'm a judgmental person). Now I would NEVER tell my guests how much it is to host them at our wedding as we chose the venue and they have no control over the price of our venue, BUT we are paying $145 per head so we would appreciate a thank you/congratulations card at the least as they are coming to celebrate an important occasion, especially if we have made allowances for them (like bringing children/plus1's). I think its the same as giving someone a birthday card at a main birthday (18th/21st) if you are invited to a party there- its not necessary, but i know i personally would feel uncomfortable without giving one.

We are a young couple 21 & 23 and quite a few of our guests are uni students working part time and dont have much money so we dont expect a gift, a heartfelt card means just as much to us.

On the other hand we are managers at Macca's so we dont have that much money ans we are funding the whole event on our own (as i dont really have contact with my side of the family) so really its a year worth of savings (we dont mind really) but our guests appreciate that we have spent a lot on our wedding and most of them want to give us a little something as they want to help us along in life, which is lovely.

But I would never get upset if a gift/money was not given, but i would get upset if some effort or thought of thanks was not offered
 
amz86
I just love to talk
I just love to talk
Posts: 139
Joined: Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:17 pm

Re: Do you think it's rude?

Sat Sep 15, 2012 7:38 pm

I think you hould bring a gift/money to a wedding - but only what you can afford

I would be offended if someone did not give a gift - regardless of how expensive the gift is
 
User avatar
L.I.W
Insert Candy Here
Insert Candy Here
Posts: 7229
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2010 10:26 pm

Re: Do you think it's rude?

Sun Sep 16, 2012 12:07 pm

Wand33 wrote:
L.I.W wrote:
Wow dictating a minimum for a wishing well - I have not heard of that before!

I have however been faced with the dreaded 'ridiculously expensive register' where the cheapest item I could find was a $899.00 mixmaster!


In that case, the bride and groom would get a bottle/pot/tub of jewellery cleaner for their new wedding rings :) Not too expensive, and while its not from the registry, its still relevant to the wedding :P


We ended up giving them a voucher for the place the Registry was listed. And we were not the only ones either. Its not like I looked at the Registry late either, I honestly don't think there was anything cheaper than $899.00 on it! They had a Smeg Fridge on there, Miele Washing Machine and Dryer, Dyson vacuum cleaner and a flashy coffee machine that I can recall.
 
KateM
It's between Me and Steve McQueen
It's between Me and Steve McQueen
Posts: 3744
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 1:34 pm

Re: Do you think it's rude?

Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:38 pm

Aria86 wrote:
Although traditionally it is accepted that a gift should be to the value of what it cost the bride and groom to have the guest there, in this day and age when a lot of people are struggling even a simple card would suffice. Weddings can be expensive for guests too - when I was a uni student on a very low income I went to a friend's wedding where I gave $50 at the engagement, the hen's night was $150 per head, I spent $100 on a new outfit for the wedding (bride had specific colours that were requested), I had to take the day off work unpaid because the wedding was on a friday (loss of $120) and I gave them $50 in a card for the wishing well at the wedding. It was above my budget at the time and I wouldn't do it again but the fact is that costs add up for guests too.


You know what? That isn't a tradition at all. It simply become folklore.

Aria86 wrote:
Does anyone think it is extremely rude for a couple to invite as many people as possible to their engagement party, request a gift or money on the invite, then not invite the majority of the people to the wedding? I've spent a lot of money on engagement presents where I haven't ended up being invited to the wedding. It just looks like money grabbing to me.


Wellll, it depends on the mindset of a couple. I know people who did this who didn't approach it that ay - they knew they coudln't invite everyone to the wedding, but wanted people to be included somehow. I wouldn't do it personally (I didn't have an e-party at all) but I don't think it's necessarily money-grubbing.
 
Mjulz87
I just love to talk
I just love to talk
Topic Author
Posts: 213
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 4:12 pm

Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:13 am

The question isn't do you think it's rude to not turn up without a gift.....I personally believe that is rude and I agree with all of you. However, I believe, as a event host (bride & groom in this context) it is rude to EXPECT a guest to bring a gift or money. Appreciating something is different to expecting. I would definately appreciate something as small as a card, but I wouldn't expect it and if I didn't get it, I certainly would not be on Facebook the next morning at 8:00am calling those who didn't bring anything "freeloaders" and "selfish people".

This was not a destination wedding and to be honest, I don't believe the bride & groom paid for the wedding as I know the bride's father is very well off....but that's not the point. Whether guests travel far or not very far, you shouldn't be expecting them to bring a gift or to put money in the wishing well.

My partner has already told me that some of his mates from back home in NSW will not bring a gift......but they're still invited, why? because they are close friends and we want them to be there to celebrate our special day with us.

You don't have a wedding to get money or gifts off people....I'm not against the whole etiqutte that it's rude for a guest not turn up with anything, but I'm not talking about the guest, I'm talking about a bride & groom's expectations.
 
Aria86
Member
Member
Posts: 56
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:04 pm

Re: Do you think it's rude?

Mon Sep 17, 2012 5:12 pm

.
GZIP: On | Load: 0.01