A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
seaweed
I need a title
I need a title
Posts: 2301
Joined: Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:42 am

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Fri Oct 19, 2012 12:56 am

That certainly sounds like a good way of handling the situation. It is great that you and fh could talk this issue through and come up with these compromises.
 
gdemon
I just love to talk
I just love to talk
Posts: 443
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:28 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Fri Oct 19, 2012 12:53 pm

Agape wrote:
As for asking your FH's daughter closer to the day if she would like to be involved, I think she will gather she is an after thought, and who really wants to be an after thought?


If you really want her in the wedding as a part of your new family, you could talk to her now and say you want her involved on the day, and ask her to think about what she would like to do. Let her know she doesn't have to make up her mind straight away (and she can change her mind if she wants to) but there's a place there for her in the wedding if she wants it.

I know it's your wedding, but given that she's a young child who's facing a difficult transition with having to redefine her 'family' as her father remarries, it's worth it to take her feelings into serious consideration and make accommodations for her wherever you can.

15 can be an awfully sensitive age (the teenage years are just like that!) and the last thing you want is for her to feel 'forced' to be part of the wedding and feel like she had no choice in it. That might have been why she was grumpy at her uncle's wedding, if they'd given her a job she wasn't comfortable with.
 
never too old
I just love to talk
I just love to talk
Posts: 289
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 1:53 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Fri Oct 19, 2012 1:22 pm

If you really want her in the wedding as a part of your new family, you could talk to her now and say you want her involved on the day, and ask her to think about what she would like to do. Let her know she doesn't have to make up her mind straight away (and she can change her mind if she wants to) but there's a place there for her in the wedding if she wants it.

I know it's your wedding, but given that she's a young child who's facing a difficult transition with having to redefine her 'family' as her father remarries, it's worth it to take her feelings into serious consideration and make accommodations for her wherever you can.

15 can be an awfully sensitive age (the teenage years are just like that!) and the last thing you want is for her to feel 'forced' to be part of the wedding and feel like she had no choice in it. That might have been why she was grumpy at her uncle's wedding, if they'd given her a job she wasn't comfortable with.[/quote]


:tick: :tick: :tick:
 
cathy1
Member
Member
Posts: 68
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:42 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Fri Oct 19, 2012 2:18 pm

Maybe we are being a little tough on her?

She has no children of her own so can NOT understand the unconditional love that comes with that.
Clearly she does not know how to quite articulate her feeling or she would never be writing such bridezilla comments.
Maybe she is just young and won,t understand the fallout of her decision untill many years down the track when she has her own children.
Maybe she just doesn,t get it; Marriage is about the commitment not the photos, reception party etc

I think I'll go pour myself a glass of wine; put my rose coloured glasses on and think all of the above is correct :wink:
 
gdemon
I just love to talk
I just love to talk
Posts: 443
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:28 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Fri Oct 19, 2012 2:39 pm

Actually, I don't think Georgie's being bridezilla-ish - I get the feeling she genuinely wants to involve her future step-daughter in their wedding but is just unsure how or in what capacity and thus may be stumbling a little along the way.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and even more so, no such thing as a perfect stepparent. It's the good intentions that counts, even if one makes mistakes here and there.
 
dungie79
I just love to talk
I just love to talk
Posts: 233
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:38 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Fri Oct 19, 2012 3:14 pm

I think also too, that it's really hard to explain the situation fully, when all of us dont know each other (I assume!) and we have no idea of the history or the family dynamics. I remember wanting to write something and get some advice a few months ago and decided against, knowing that my commments would be shot down. I instead decided to have a chat with my sister and she calmed me down. When people write on here, they mabye dont have a chance to vent or ask anywhere else, apart from this forum. I know sometimes I do.

Whatever decision you make, you look like you have been weighing up all of the options and will do the right thing by you.

I did want to add though, and I guess that others will agree with me, IMO, height or any other problems or issues that you have been stressing about, will not even matter on the day. At least, that's what it was like for me. DH and I dont have any children, but we did have a lot of family dramas leading up to the day, where I was two weeks away from the wedding and wanting to cancel it. But, on the actual day, I couldnt have cared about that. All that mattered was the most amazing feeling of all those close to me were in the same room and celebrating the day with me. Good luck with making your decision!
 
seaweed
I need a title
I need a title
Posts: 2301
Joined: Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:42 am

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Sat Oct 20, 2012 12:16 am

Unfortunately, gdemon it does matter and kid's let you know about the bad decisions and mistakes that you make as parents & step parents for the rest of your life, intentions are not even considered. I am not joking. Sometimes, it even splits families when an older child feels wronged. I suppose that is why everyone is trying so hard to advise against these pitfalls.
 
Georgie&Kris
Member
Member
Topic Author
Posts: 32
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 2:33 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Sun Oct 21, 2012 11:19 am

gdemon wrote:
Actually, I don't think Georgie's being bridezilla-ish - I get the feeling she genuinely wants to involve her future step-daughter in their wedding but is just unsure how or in what capacity and thus may be stumbling a little along the way.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and even more so, no such thing as a perfect stepparent. It's the good intentions that counts, even if one makes mistakes here and there.


Thank you! That's exactly right. No one else seems to understand that I DO want he involved in the wedding! Far out ladies. Thanks for the opinions but you're making me sound like the devil. I am aware that i am marrying my FH and know that his daughter is a part of him. The only reason why I thought about waiting to talk to her about the wedding is because I remember how much I changed between 13 and 15. But there's definitely no problem in telling her now to start thinking about what she wants to do.
There is 9 years between me and my soon to be step daughter and 12 years between me and my FH, so i'm not an average step mum. My FH accidently made his girlfriend at the time pregnant when he was 21yo. Her mum remarried years ago and has 3 kids to her current husband and my FH has had nothing to do with his daughter for years because of her mum so it's not like my FHs daughter is struggling to come to terms with a new marriage. I'm not trying to intentionally sound like a ***** but I had **** childhood that had no love from any family members at any age so I have no idea how to approach young sensitive kids.
hopefully this is the last time I have to say this but YES I AM ACCEPTING OF HER INTO THIS MARRIAGE!
 
sidonie
Little Miss Pearl
Little Miss Pearl
Posts: 1015
Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2010 5:42 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Sun Oct 21, 2012 1:10 pm

I'm sorry Georgie :S I agree that you seem to be getting a hard time on your thread. It IS ok to make mistakes and intentions DO count for a lot. And I think that your desires for your wedding are important. Just because you're about to become a step mum does NOT mean that you no longer matter anymore. Keep going with what you're doing. I think that it's grerat that you're tossing ideas about and that you care about including her in YOUR day.
 
KateM
It's between Me and Steve McQueen
It's between Me and Steve McQueen
Posts: 3744
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 1:34 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:21 pm

I do understand you want her to be involved and I think everyone in this thread does. The issue is that the VAST majority of posters think that the only appropriate level of involvement is a BM or Jnr BM. Less only if its her choice.

You're young, and you're about to get a teenage stepdaughter. I don't envy you at all, but I do think that it is super important to make her feel included by you, as a daughter. I think you should tell her now that you'd love her to be a part of the bridal party as a Jnr BM if she'd like to, on either your side or FH's, or if she'd prefer a different role then that's cool too. But ensuring that her involvement or lack thereof is her choice, will help pave your future relationship with her.
 
daydreambeliever
Full Member
Full Member
Posts: 85
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 4:34 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:15 am

cathy1 wrote:
Let me get this straight..........You don''t want her because she is too big compared to you and your BMs therefore may not look good in the photos?? She has teenage attitude??? or was it shy and not girlie enough for either role???
You may need to remember what getting married is all about-not the fairytale


Agreed! One of my bridesmaids will be 7 months pregnant, another is size 12 (I am size 6) & short (I am 5'10''), another is 6'1''
We may look nothing like the bridal magazine but these are my friends & family.
I can see your other reasons are valid but her height & appearance are not ones you should tell people...even if we may secretly rather all our bridesmaid where the same size, height & slightly less pretty than we are :wink:
 
User avatar
wickie08
I just love to talk
I just love to talk
Posts: 144
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Sun Dec 23, 2012 6:27 pm

I'm a little late to the party on this one but reading through all the comments, I kind of get where you are coming from Georgie in relation to the height thing. Fact is, at 15 years old most girls are self conscious. If your bridal party is shorter and your step daughter is going to stand out, and possibly make her more self conscious I think it's good to consider other roles for her.

I do think though that you should leave the decision up to her - ask her if she wants to be a jnr BM, give her dad away, do a reading etc and leave the choice up to her. If she does say she wants to be a jnr BM, I think you just have to deal with that and look at it positively in that she is accepting of you as another female figure in her life and she wants to be part of your day. Good luck with working it all out!
 
User avatar
heartstringz
I just love to talk
I just love to talk
Posts: 539
Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:46 pm

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla about my FH's daughter?

Tue Jan 08, 2013 12:10 pm

In my opinion you don't have to have both a ring-bearer & a flower girl - I think you said the 13 year old boy has already been asked to be a ring bearer & is really excited about it. If he wants to do it then I reckon you should just let him do it, even if you can't find a flower girl. He could walk down the isle first by himself maybe - it would look fine. :)

As for the 15 year old - I reckon contact her asap and let her know that you want her to be involved and ask her how involved she would like to be - as someone said, maybe she would like to do a reading etc. And seriously, if she does want to be a flower girl I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

What I'm trying to get at is it's your wedding & therefore you can do whatever you like, regardless of 'the norm' etc. For example, at my wedding we had a woman standing on my DH's side - she is his best friend and there was never any question as to which side she would stand on. No-one even questioned it, in fact people thought it was a great idea.

Good luck! Hope you get it all worked out! Don't stress - on the day it will be amazing!
GZIP: On | Load: 0.12