when i was first engaged, i knew exactly who i wanted to ask to be my BM's and asked straight away.
one of these girls is a wonderful friend, BUT she is also the partner of my sisters ex. my sister and this man have two children together, and then broke up, he got with my friend L and they now have a child.
it's been 7 years, and my sister still has a massive issue with them, she won't talk to my friend still and it's just generally really yucky between them all. it's not a nice situation, but i don't take sides, as i'm really really good friends with them both, and also one part is my sister! this particular couple are also my daughters god parents. so we are all very close, just not my sister and her ex and especially his partner L [my bm]. i hope this all makes sense! it's a bit confusing!
anyway, i have been thinking on this lately, i am not really that close to my siser so none of this crossed my mind as an issue to begin with. but i have given her a save the date card, and have since been talking little bits of wedding stuff with her and been a little closer and now i'm starting to get worried. i am certain that if she knew L was a BM she probably wouldn't come. and i can also imagine if she came to the wedding and saw she was a BM she would walk out. if they were just guests at the wedding, i think she would just put up with it and still come to the wedding as i'm her sister, she'd probably leave for the reception but stay for the ceremony. or just ignore them during the reception. which is fine with me!
my friend is really understanding and i know sh would not be offended at all if i chose to not have her as a BM, she even brought it up with me. so this is an ok option, but i really love her and would love her to be there for me. i would still have her get ready with us on the day and she knows that i want her. but perhaps for my sister's sake i need to change it?
i know it's my wedding, but this would probably be really hard for my sister. and it's not going to offend L if i 'demoted' her from bridesmaid.
so i need some advice, what is the right ettiquette, what would you do??