A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
amz86
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Fri Nov 23, 2012 8:03 pm

It is your wedding and you do it your way. $65 is not much for a meal. I personally spend more than that as a guest.

Is there a nice poem/explination that you can include with your invite saying that you do not want to offend people but this is the only way that you and FH can celebrate your wedding with those that you love?
 
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 12:05 am

amz86 wrote:
It is your wedding and you do it your way. $65 is not much for a meal. I personally spend more than that as a guest.

Is there a nice poem/explination that you can include with your invite saying that you do not want to offend people but this is the only way that you and FH can celebrate your wedding with those that you love?


Actually, $65 is a lot for a meal per person. DH and I are quite comfortably off and yet we would only spend that much per person for a meal for a special occasion maybe once/twice a year. Many of our friends and family are similarly thrifty. I wouldn't assume that everyone can afford that sum for dinner.

I don't think that asking people to pay for dinner is the only way to be able to celebrate a wedding, there're other options for having a lower cost wedding. In fact it's a bit of a tradition in DH's family just to have a wedding afternoon tea rather than a formal dinner reception.
 
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 1:22 am

gdemon wrote:
I don't think that asking people to pay for dinner is the only way to be able to celebrate a wedding, there're other options for having a lower cost wedding. In fact it's a bit of a tradition in DH's family just to have a wedding afternoon tea rather than a formal dinner reception.


:tick:

If not able to hold a smaller wedding in the form of a bbq, picnic wedding, breakfast wedding, then saving up until you can afford a wedding would be the next best option.

Unless, you offer people to pay as much as they can afford and then you put in the rest. That way, people give as much as they're comfortable with/able to pay and your bill is diminished.

If you think $65 is not too much to ask, then you should be confident everyone will pay the $65 per person and thus you wont have to spend any money afterall, but you come off looking better having given people an option.
 
Wombatta
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 2:47 am

If my hubby and I couldn't afford our wedding I would opt to marry alone in a chapel with a few witnesses and have dinner by ourselves at home rather than ask for one cent from our nearest and dearest.

That's just my opinion though, maybe your friends and family would be happy to pay and since you have been to similar weddings, maybe they are used to it. Wishing you all the best in sorting out a celebration that suits you as a couple. Good luck :D
 
bec31
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 8:13 am

Thank you for all the responses but as stated before, we are asking people to pay for their meals in lieu of gifts or a wishing well.
 
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coco2003
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 9:54 am

bec31 wrote:
Thank you for all the responses but as stated before, we are asking people to pay for their meals in lieu of gifts or a wishing well.

Got that, but as people have said the problem that many people have with this is a gift- be it cash or goods- should never be expected, and the value of any gifts received should never be assumed.

Personally I think $65ph is too much to expect people to pay. I like the PP's suggestion of an afternoon tea. Also many people on here have had roast caterers for half that ph cost. If you can't afford to cover meals I think you should look for a more affordable option.

And FWIW- many people on here have financed their own weddings, often scrimping and saving for years to do so. I don't appreciate the assumption that if you didn't have guests pay for meals you must have had financial assistance from family or taken out a loan. :?
 
bec31
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 10:25 am

I never once made the assumption that people must have had financial help if their guests did not have to pay for their meals. I just simply said that unlike most people, WE ARE PAYING FOR THIS WEDDING ON OUR OWN AND WITHOUT A BANK LOAN. The last wedding we attended, the parents paid for a majority of that wedding, and the bride and groom got a personal loan to cover the rest, but we still had to pay for our meal..

While i appreicate everyones thoughts about this, i did however state that i required no more opinions, because it's quite clear what most think.

Thank you
 
flowerpower82
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 10:44 am

Great way to 'welcome the new girl' everyone.
Bec I posted a topic a little while ago and got similarly cranky / rude responses. If only this forum had the option of 'delete' (which I think it should if you were the original poster). I certainly regretted ever asking the question.
Unfortunately like me you'll learn to never start your own thread again. :/
And I can already tell you their response to this message I'm writing now "don't ask if you don't want to hear the response". Bah load of crock, there's always nice ways to say things. My advice to you- seriously never look at this thread again. You're planning a wedding and don't need this extra stress!

Take care lovely and enjoy this time of your life!
 
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mrcm1166
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 10:58 am

well said flowerpower

my comments were not meant in a mean way, just explained what we did from past experience and there is no pleasing everyone and I agree with what bec has posted.

I personally get more offended when people ask me to contribute money to a wishing well or a honeymoon fund, but then everyone is different.

Bec I wish you all the best for your wedding, do what is right for you both, and I hope you do get some useful and helpful advice from the forums that can help

:)
 
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 11:31 am

Thank you Flowerpower :)

I did PM mods to lock this thread soon after it began but to no avail as yet.

Thank you to all the positive feedback..
 
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coco2003
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 4:10 pm

bec31 wrote:
I just simply said that unlike most people, WE ARE PAYING FOR THIS WEDDING ON OUR OWN AND WITHOUT A BANK LOAN.

And that is an assumption. :wink:

I wasn't aware that people could get threads locked purely because they didn't get the responses they wanted. In fact in the past it has been quite the opposite...
 
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 4:58 pm

bec31 wrote:
I never once made the assumption that people must have had financial help if their guests did not have to pay for their meals. I just simply said that unlike most people, WE ARE PAYING FOR THIS WEDDING ON OUR OWN AND WITHOUT A BANK LOAN. The last wedding we attended, the parents paid for a majority of that wedding, and the bride and groom got a personal loan to cover the rest, but we still had to pay for our meal..


There are many many brides on this forum who have paid for their own weddings - without parents and bank loans. Its quite an assumption to state that unlike most people you are paying for this wedding on our own and without a bank loan.

Well guess what? I'm going back to uni next year and we are still paying for our wedding in October 2014 on our own - and we will not be asking for our guests to pay the $90 per head. Why? Because I want all of our guests to come and celebrate our marriage - I don't want to put anyone out. I know that if I was invited to a wedding and asked to pay $65 a head (making it $130 for the two of us just for the meal) plus travel costs, accommodation, clothes and all the other possible expenses I wouldn't be impressed.

Just because FH and I have decided to get married doesn't not mean that all of our guests should be put out financially just to come.

There is a bride just recently who may have posted in this thread that had a budget of $5000 - she has made it work to fit within her budget.
 
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 5:03 pm

bec31 wrote:
I never once made the assumption that people must have had financial help if their guests did not have to pay for their meals. I just simply said that unlike most people, WE ARE PAYING FOR THIS WEDDING ON OUR OWN AND WITHOUT A BANK LOAN. The last wedding we attended, the parents paid for a majority of that wedding, and the bride and groom got a personal loan to cover the rest, but we still had to pay for our meal..

While i appreicate everyones thoughts about this, i did however state that i required no more opinions, because it's quite clear what most think.

Thank you



Just quietly - I don't think anyone - and not just the OP - should assume how people pay for their wedding. We funded the vast majority of ours ourselves (circa 85%), some friends were shocked we paid any at all as in their circles the parents pay it all. Others were shocked we had that much help.
 
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 5:19 pm

coco2003 wrote:
... In fact in the past it has been quite the opposite...


Good chance that's contributing to this forum not being all that popular.
 
bec31
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 6:32 pm

PLEASE, how many times do i have to ask for NO MORE COMMENTS OR OPINIONS. i'm now getting quite upset. If you go back to the very first page, i asked for NO OPINIONS due to some harsh comments i read in the other threads regarding this exact same topic ... and it's not because i'm not getting the response i would have hoped for coco as i asked this PRIOR to any real negative feedback . I now do not care what you ladies think because it's MY WEDDING and just think yourselves lucky that you'se aren't the ones receiving my invite.

Nobody knows our situation, so please do not tell me that we should hold off getting married till i can afford it.
 
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KG'sGirl
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 6:51 pm

This thread may be useful for others who are planning their wedding.
 
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coco2003
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 6:55 pm

flowerpower82 wrote:
coco2003 wrote:
... In fact in the past it has been quite the opposite...


Good chance that's contributing to this forum not being all that popular.


Actually back then it was going gangbusters :wink:

OP I think it's worth considering a change of caterer/ menu to bring down the price. Plenty of great advice has been offered along those lines.
 
bec31
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 7:04 pm

KG - in what way would this be useful to other members (esp new ones?). It's clear to me that new members are treated as intruders. I have asked several times for this to stop but people just keep going!

I will highly recommend this forum to all my friends :roll:
 
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 7:05 pm

And Coco i have taken all advice on board .. thank you
 
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Re: Guest paying for their own meals ... thoughts?

Sat Nov 24, 2012 10:20 pm

Sorry, but I don't think the responses to this thread have been rude. What do you propose the nicer way to say "I think asking you guests to essentially buy a ticket to your wedding is horribly presumptious and rude" is?

The OP can do whatever she likes. But the fact of the matter is, its not generally acceptable, and IME most people who have such events "and noone complained" in actuality noone complained to THEM. Cause really, who would?
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