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chrisval25
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Some advice please

Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:10 pm

Okay, Ill try to keep it short....

This is not my story, but this person is very close to me and I dont know what else to do..

This person (named for this story to be MM) is married and has two children. From day dot, I always thought this person got married too quickly, but it was a case of the families thought they were great and pretty much took over and before you know MM and partner were hitched. Pre-marriage was wonderful for MM and partner

Well i guess right from the get go after marriage, they pretty much fight like cats and dogs. Even on the honeymoon, apparently they fought, and things have progressively gotten worse.

They are the typical couple that they put band-aids on issues...they were fighting for ages..and to fix it, MM wanted a baby, so they had one..still fighting..and out came baby number two...still fighting...MM is a stay at home mother..and wants to grow up her kids......but MM's partner is not the most ambitious person in the world and I really think money is tight and causing alot of issues.

I try not to pry, but when MM confides, she is always in tears and regrets that she got married......to hear those words, springs BIG alarm bells for me and i am worried about her.....
now MM and her partner are coming to 5 years marriage..and i think in all that time, things have gotten worse...i have suggested councelling for them to attend..but i think admitting they have an issue is too much for them and perhaps it easier for them to put band-aid on their issues.
Its gotten to the stage now where I dont know what else to say or do.....I mean, sometimes I think MM and partner should just divorce cos it seems like the easiest thing cos they are clearly not happy in the marriage..but I dont think they want to do that..i think they have lost all respect for eachother and i dont know what else to say to them...

if anyone here can suggest what i can say or perhaps recommend something...or even if someone can recognise signs and perhaps been in a similar situation..

How do you help a friend who is just so unhappy??? I mean, i sometimes wish she would just get the guts and do someting about it...i just think she is depressed and has no self esteem..and the fact that she is home all day and get frustrated, she ends up being a total mess in her marriage....
 
samanthaz
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Re: Some advice please

Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:48 pm

I think the counselling was a good suggestion. Even if she isn't keen on the idea of couples counselling perhaps some individual counselling would be helpful for her to work out some of the issues?

It's hard being on the outside because ultimately it's up to them to address their problems but it sounds like you're being a great friend listening to her when she needs someone to talk to.
 
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FutureMrsBridge
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Re: Some advice please

Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:33 am

suggesting individual counselling is definately a good idea.
but apart from making gentle suggestions, being a good friend is all you can do.
 
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kristal
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Re: Some advice please

Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:02 pm

I think the counselling is more or less the most you can say and do as an outside person. Somebody's marriage and their future is a hugely delicate thing and only the people involved can truely do anything about it.

As a friend, all you can do is suggest the counselling and then just be there for her, be her shoulder to cry on when she needs it, be the stable friend in those children's lives and just let them know you will always be there, but then leave the rest up to her and her husband.

Your friend would be extremely grateful and what a caring friend you are being.
 
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MoolieMoo
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Re: Some advice please

Thu Jul 23, 2009 9:09 pm

It's her problem, don't try to get involved. You'll only frustrate youself and ruin your friendship.

Let her vent to you (if you are open to that) and that's all you can do.

I wouldn't recommend divorce or counselling.

Let her reach her own conclusions - she is an adult.
 
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Abbey_Lou
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Re: Some advice please

Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:47 pm

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sharmy
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Re: Some advice please

Wed Jun 22, 2011 11:00 am

MoolieMoo wrote:
It's her problem, don't try to get involved. You'll only frustrate youself and ruin your friendship.

Let her vent to you (if you are open to that) and that's all you can do.

I wouldn't recommend divorce or counselling.

Let her reach her own conclusions - she is an adult.



Agreed :) you dont know what happens behind closed doors either
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