A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
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Mrs Manco
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Feeling lonely and bored

Mon Sep 26, 2011 4:49 pm

Hi ladies

My DH flies in and out and we have just moved into our new home which means when he is away I am completely alone. I have a very small circle of friends - one of which I catch up with on a regular basis (but she is travelling at the moment) but none of which are willing to make the trip down to our new place (it is about 40 mins out of the city).

On Friday I caught up with a really old guy friend which was so lovely! We ended up meeting up after work to and had a few drinks and watched the rugby - I was just desperate to stay out of the house and in the company of other people for as long as possible.

This weekend I could literally feel myself slipping into a depressed state of being; all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep - it really, really scared me.. I mean this is only our first swing apart..what is it going to be like in a year's time?! I was crying at the tiniest little things..

To compensate for this I found myself scrolling through my phone searching for people to msg (guys and girls) desperate for someone to talk to and take my mind off things (I even asked the friend I saw on Friday if he wanted to catch up again which is COMPLETELY inappropriate in my eyes now but at the time I just wanted to be around someone again!). I also had an old flame (who became just a very close and "always there for me" friend) msg me and say we couldn't be friends anymore which sent me further downhill. Even now that I am at work, I am having the exact same feelings, and am having to work really hard to not msg people.. Phone calls make the feelings worse..

I have felt like I don't really have a purpose since the wedding and feel that even more now.

DH could sense that something was up and started stressing about the idea of me leaving him because I couldn't take being alone anymore. I told him not to be stupid - I would never give up on our relationship - it is incredible! But being alone is doing terrible things to me. I dont know what to do..

Has anyone had these feelings after their wedding and/or if their DH does fly in/fly out? Hope someone can offer some help and hope...
 
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*Riss*
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:03 pm

Oh hun! That's not good. Sorry you are feeling this way *hugs* I don't really have any advice as I have never been in that situation. We are all hear when and if you want to chat! :heart:
 
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nutty2b
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:12 pm

Oh hun, I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way! Big huge hugs.

Do you participate in sport or could you consider joining some sort of club to take up your time when your DH isn't there? Perhaps a language or a hobby or something completely random.

I'm really concerned that once my wedding is over I will become depressive and lost (especially as I'm still grieving my Mum's death and haven't had a real chance to process it yet because of the wedding being so soon), so I know that once the wedding is over I am jumping back into gym (I can't afford it atm with the wedding and lack of work) and also finding a dance group or taking up singing or cooking lessons to stop me from becoming a recluse as I also moved to country Vic 2.5 hours away from my family and friends to be with FH and his family and friends.

Big huge hugs... I sort of know how you are feeling - but I'm not sure what other advice to give you.

ps... your friends need to know that 40 minutes isn't that far away!
 
Mrs Kylo
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:13 pm

I can't comment on the FIFO lifestyle but wanted to comment so you don't feel even more sad..and wanted to send you a big hug!
I think the post-wedding blues hit everyone at some stage & the best way to get past it is to have something else to look forward to &/or plan..your next holiday, a little business idea, a hobby, or an exercise or craft (or something) class
The idea being you have something of your own to get excited about..something that doesn't rely on DH & has the advantage of putting you in a perfect position to meet new people who have similar interests to yourself
By the way, well done on picking up on it so quick..I suffer from episodes of depression but am not very good at noticing the downward slide for myself till its already taken a good hold..and then its so much harder to drag myself out of
Might be worth a quick chat to your GP about how you're feeling..even if they don't think its true depression at this stage (and don't prescribe you anything) its probably a good idea so they know where you're at now in case you do need more help later
Good luck with it all..and another big hug to finish!
 
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:43 pm

Oh Hun please dont feel this way!!!! I know you have been having a hard time lately...We all love you here!!!!!!! Big Hugs
 
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Mrs Manco
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:48 pm

Thank you so much for your :heart: ladies

I did mention to DH that maybe I should look into playing indoor beach volleyball again - I was a bit of a star back in the day :D But that's money that then gets pulled away from the house.. I have to look at the budget.

I nearly picked up my cross stitch on the weekend but something about that makes me more upset too.. like I literally have nothing else to do but sit around a stitch?! (Even though I LOVE sewing!) Maybe it's just something I need to be in the mood to do and this weekend I was definately not in that mood.. :( I guess I'll get used to having so much ME time eventually..
 
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**Manda**
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Mon Sep 26, 2011 6:01 pm

Mrs Manco wrote:
Thank you so much for your :heart: ladies

But that's money that then gets pulled away from the house.. I have to look at the budget.



You also need to look after yourself. You are allowed to be selfish. I really cant afford my gym membership but it is the only thing that makes me the person i am now. If i didnt have it, i would NOT be a nice person to be around.
 
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SpecialKK
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Wed Sep 28, 2011 10:03 am

My DH is FIFO so I can relate. The first month or two after the wedding was hardest as we had almost 2 months off together for the wedding, honeymoon then christmas and new year, so to go back to being without each other was hard. Especially because at the time we were living in Perth, away from our families.

Honestly, I dont think you can survive as a FIFO wife or girlfriend unless you have hobbies. I ride horses, and its a saviour, without it I would be SOOO bored when DH is away. I cant expect my friends to just drop their plans to see me on the weekends DH is away. Find a hobby and really get into it. You will meet like minded people, which will mean you will make more friends. It gives you something to do when your DH is away, something to focus on and something to look forward to.
 
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Mrs Manco
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Wed Sep 28, 2011 12:44 pm

SpecialKK wrote:
I cant expect my friends to just drop their plans to see me on the weekends DH is away. Find a hobby and really get into it. You will meet like minded people, which will mean you will make more friends. It gives you something to do when your DH is away, something to focus on and something to look forward to.


That's so true.. This is my life and I need to take control of it. I tried emailing a volleyball centre yesterday but it came back to me - undeliverable! Grrrr will get onto them later this week.

I guess at the moment, every hobby costs money and we are just so tight that every dollar counts. I should get back into my sewing to help me through the next few months until our money situation eases up a bit.

So cute - my neighbours have had me over for wine and dinner the last 3 nights straight! They're so kind :heart:
 
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soni@
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:29 pm

Big hugs sweety! I only just saw this...I really like the idea of getting into a hobby..and hey maybe you can turn your sewing into something that's gonna make you $$! E.g. Selling items on eBay or etsy!

You also most definitely have all of us on here to chat to...catching up with friends face to face can be so hard as we all know but at least on here we can support each other no matter the time or day..I'm on at the weirdest hours sometimes :)
 
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SpecialKK
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Wed Sep 28, 2011 2:47 pm

Mrs Manco wrote:
SpecialKK wrote:
I cant expect my friends to just drop their plans to see me on the weekends DH is away. Find a hobby and really get into it. You will meet like minded people, which will mean you will make more friends. It gives you something to do when your DH is away, something to focus on and something to look forward to.


That's so true.. This is my life and I need to take control of it. I tried emailing a volleyball centre yesterday but it came back to me - undeliverable! Grrrr will get onto them later this week.

I guess at the moment, every hobby costs money and we are just so tight that every dollar counts. I should get back into my sewing to help me through the next few months until our money situation eases up a bit.


Good luck, it can be harder when money holds you back, but Im sure you can find something that interests you that doesnt break the budget, Sonia's idea about selling your sewing products is a good one.
FIFO can be hard but like you said, you just need be in the right frame of mind and take control of your life. It sucks to be just living for the weeks that DH is home, you need to also love the life you have when he isnt home (though that doesnt mean you cant miss him and wish he was there! :D )
 
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Mrs Manco
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:18 pm

soni@ wrote:
Big hugs sweety! I only just saw this...I really like the idea of getting into a hobby..and hey maybe you can turn your sewing into something that's gonna make you $$! E.g. Selling items on eBay or etsy!

You also most definitely have all of us on here to chat to...catching up with friends face to face can be so hard as we all know but at least on here we can support each other no matter the time or day..I'm on at the weirdest hours sometimes :)



I didn't think about selling something on Etsy.. hmm will definately need to do some more practise and get my machine serviced! I also love x-stitch..but that's very time consuming..

Thanks hun xx
 
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caz
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Tue Oct 04, 2011 4:35 pm

AWWWW Hun, sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. but as the others have said maybe a hobby or 2 to keep you preoccupied when your DH is away.
 
fijibride2010
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Tue Oct 11, 2011 8:01 am

Totally understand the feeling as I'm also a FIFO wife. My DH has been doing this work for over three years now. I remember the first swing very well, dropping him at the airport and then driving the hour home crying the whole way. We got married back in May 2011 so by this time had lots of experience of the FIFO lifestyle. After having 5 amazing weeks together travelling Fiji and Europe it was extremely hard to return and always knew it was going to be extremely hard to return with such an amazing journey over, returning to winter, and both of us returning to work. Since this time we have seen very little of each other (two weeks in the last just over three months) due to DH changing contracts part way through. It has been extremely hard on both of us and trust me there were lots of tears when I left him at the airport again and feelings of loss as I no longer at wedding planning to do. It sure can be a struggle on your own when you can't do little jobs yourself. We also had devastating news that our wedding photos have been lost so it has been really hard.

I definitely advocate for trying to find a new hobby. I have found this hard also but am now trying to get back into reading and have been out the last couple weeks to go to the movies with work colleagues which really helps. I've also been spending a fair bit of time on forums trying to help other brides (and also now focusing on baby forums since my focus has shifted from planning our wedding to trying to conceive!! just need him home now for that!!).

I think getting back into the sewing sounds like a great idea, especially if you are able to sell things on the internet, perhaps it could be the start of a new business.

That is so sweet of your neighbours inviting you for dinner. Perhaps that can be something you start doing regularly and who knows perhaps you might meet other interesting people through them that you can interact with as well.

As you're into sewing, is there any sewing or craft groups in your area that perhaps don't cost anything other than the materials that you could possibly join and therefore get to know more people in your area?
 
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Mrs Manco
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Wed Oct 12, 2011 3:22 pm

Aww thanks for sharing your story fijibride.

I could look into sewing groups in my area but in all honesty, the majority of members in those groups could probably be my grandmothers - not really the kind of company that will lift my spirits in the way I'm looking for IYKWIM?
 
fijibride2010
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Wed Oct 12, 2011 7:16 pm

Yeah fair point. Maybe they'd have grand daughters who would make fantastic friends?!?! Good luck in finding something. Maybe there are some other groups out there that would be suitable in your area. I know previously when I moved to an area where I knew no one I joined a concert band as I played a musical instrument and it was amazing how this fanned off into different friends groups.

I think its nice to know that there are other people out there that completely understand what you're going through. I have had many people make comments such as, 'i'd be glad if my husband went away for work' or 'i don't know how you could cope' or here's a doozy 'it's not a real marriage if you never see each other'. Some people can be so completely insensitive or really just have no idea and can't see the resilience it builds or any other positives that come out of it. Personally, if we didn't live this lifestyle, we probably wouldn't have had many of the amazing experiences that we have been fortunate to have.
 
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Mrs Manco
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:32 pm

OMG!
fijibride2010 wrote:
here's a doozy 'it's not a real marriage if you never see each other'.


It makes it MORE of a marriage because you only have half as much time together! Some people really have NO idea!
 
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Happyeverafter
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Fri Nov 18, 2011 5:32 pm

Mrs Manco! I have been feeling depressed too and I don't have a FIFO husband! I know my reasons don't compare to yours at all
1) He is around ALL the time, but we don't talk... maybe cause before if he is around we would spend hours talking in a night... now that we do live together, that just ain't practical anymore.
2) I just feel lonely without my family around after spending so much time with them last month. But I haven't even been living with them for a decade now! I just burst into tears cause I really miss them for some reason.
3) Having this new mortgage now means that Hubby wants every penny I make to go into it and tutt tutts if I want to spend it on manicures or facials or cosmetics! Arrrghhh....very difficult for someone making just as much money as him to be told what to do with my money.

I think, my theory is there is such a thing as post-wedding depression. I wonder if your situation is actually amplified because of that? Anyways, I think you have sweet neighbours and I hope that you will find something to do to pass each swing with. It won't get easier with time, but you will definitely get better at coping! :wink: :wink:
 
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Mrs Manco
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Fri Nov 18, 2011 5:55 pm

Hey hun, they are very different reasons but it doesnt make it any less difficult to deal with. I'm sorry you're going through that - I have been keeping track of you on your blog (your post about going home to your old room just about made me cry!).

1 - You will start talking again - you've both just been through an ENORMOUS amount of change and stress. It's almost too hard right now to get out how you're feeling..you've gone from having sleep-overs to being husband and wife! It's a massive thing to go through and now you're living together! You're right there for each other ALL THE TIME! It takes time to get used to that..to not have your space to yourself anymore. But you will get used to it and you will start talking again - there is a reason you married your DH, he's your best friend! The person you can talk to about anything.. it will start with a funny story about something that happened during the day or how something made you think of him and it will slowly build from there.. give it time :D

2 - I had never lived away from home before living with DH either - and I missed my mum a lot for the first month or so.. I emailed her every day at work and she called me in the afternoons/evenings. That made it easier through the transition and now I am fine on my own (but I still catch up with her every other weekend for a coffee when DH is away). You will be ok - just tell your family how you're feeling - they love you and probably miss you just as much. Talk to them every day to help yourself through - there's no medal for being a toughie and going cold turkey! :lol:

3 - Mortgages SUCK!! I said to DH the other day, "Can you imagine if we didn't have a mortgage anymore?!". I can't even being to imagine what life would be like! My DH is a little different though - he has to force me to spend money (there is just nothing I need/want at the moment). We have our own personal spending money every month - pull it out in cash and spend it on what you want. I think maybe in this situation you have to be the toughie (I'll send you a medal :lol: ) and say, you need to do YOU things every month and shouldn't feel guilty for that so here is what's going to happen - because it's TRUE! You are both entitled to do something for yourselves each month, free of guilt and worries about the mortgage. If he doesn't want to spend anything for the month, that's his choice - I'm sure if it's there though that he will :D

Wow this post has become incredibly long! I am coping but still having ups and downs..a guy stepping on my heel on the bus this monring made me well up.. I am getting there..
 
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Mrs Manco
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Re: Feeling lonely and bored

Fri Feb 24, 2012 12:02 pm

MonsoonPrincess wrote:
Nothing like resurrecting an old post, but can you move closer so we can solve this problem for us both? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?


:D when jobs in Vic start paying as well as jobs in WA then we can move.. Nothing stopping you coming here though :D
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