I would really appreciate some advice, suggestions or anything really to help me deal with this issue that I have created in my head!
As some of you may know, I live in Japan with my Japanese DH. My Japanese isn't wonderful, but it's Ok enough to hold an sh!tty conversation. I am not currently studying it, as much as I want to, due to the fact that I work full time and then have to go home and go all the housewifey stuff, so needless to say sometimes I am not in the mood!
My IL's don't speak English, so every time I go over there, I have to try and communicate in my crappy Japanese, and often I can't communicate and express myself properly and I hate looking like an idiot! Which I think, herein lies my problem. Although it's gotta better recently, we used to have to go over to his IL's house every single week, and it was normally a Sat night, meaning there went any plans of going out and enjoying ourselves. For some reason, I really hate going over there, but I can't clearly identify the problem why. When I get there it's fine, but the thought of going there sometimes makes me sick to the stomach! Last weekend Dh and I had a massive fight all because I didn't want to go over! I hate myself for feeling that way, when I shouldn't because the IL's are wonderful and caring. I have spoken about it many times to DH and he understands a little, but he just tells me to study more!
And then there is the whole SIL thing. They are both really nice, but the younger one, who for years barely did anything apart from sitting on the couch barely communicating, has decided to step up to the plate and become MIL's side kick and spending heaps of time with my other SIL and MIL. Which is fine, coz I work, and they don't, but I feel like I'm even more of an outsider than I already am. It's terrible to even say, but sometimes I'm hesistate to try to have a kid, because I don't want to end up at their house two or three days a week! Part of it to, is that maybe I am jealous that I don't have my mum in Japan.
I guess sometimes living in a foreign country is tough.... Yesterday I broke down in tears when I got home all because I misheard a store assistant. Argh!!!
Thanks for listening!