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daydreambeliever
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Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Mon Sep 24, 2012 3:45 pm

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/lifestyle/young-beautiful-and-divorced-20120918-2649q.html

Young Beautiful & Divorced:

In a nutshell:

As sociologist Belinda Hewitt of the University of Queensland says, "Basically, if you marry under the age of 25, you have about a four times increased risk of divorce." Her research shows that each additional year's delay in marriage age reduces the odds of marital breakdown by almost 6 per cent per year for men, and 9 per cent per year for women.


Belinda Hewitt has found in her research that youth itself is often the stumbling block to a successful marriage. "'We weren't old enough', 'We weren't mature enough', 'I didn't really know myself' - these are the kind of comments I've heard," she says.

Hewitt even goes so far as to link unsuccessful young marriages to the fact that our brains are not completely formed until our mid-20s. "I've often thought that if your brain isn't fully developed under 25, don't get married under 25!", she says.


So what does everyone think about that? My sister married at 23 to her 25 year old husband, been together 7 years at that point. They work! And have been together 10 years now. So loving together. In their favour: university educated, neither set of parents divorced, both have fantastic jobs, both calm, loving & caring people who don't like conflict. Same for my best friend in America and her husband (Both 23 when they married-& Christian so had to marry if they wanted to live together or their parents would have been aghast!)
However nearly every other friend of mine who married at that age & younger is divorced. Even if they are awesome people. A few of them have remarried/repartnered and all say they were too young &/or ignored the red flags.
 
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mrcm1166
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Mon Sep 24, 2012 7:28 pm

first marriage I was 20 he was 22, we were married for 22 years before we divorced and it was for a number of reasons and I know I did everything possible before making that decision to walk away.

my sister married when she was 17 and they have been married for 36 years

my mum was 23 and dad was 25 when they got married and they just celebrated 60 years.

I personally dont think its the age a person gets married as to whether it lasts or not,its more the individual person and their values, its more about working things out as you go, if one party isnt willing then that is when it usually goes pear shaped.
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Mon Sep 24, 2012 9:27 pm

I got married (and divorced) quite young. The reason we got a divorce is because we grew apart, which I think had a lot to do with us pursuing very different careers (I am in law and he is IT, but we first met at uni).
 
hbm
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Mon Sep 24, 2012 9:43 pm

I think a successful marriage is heavily based on maturity and ability to deal with the different scenarios life throws at you, and with age comes maturity.
So I can see (generally speaking of course) how the above article rings true.

In saying that though, my mum got married when she was 19 and is still happily married to my dad 33 years later :heart:
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:29 am

Well I will be getting married at age 25 (FH will be about to turn 29) and we will have been together for almost 6 years by that point. But I agree with the article, even though we were/are a young couple! I am glad we didn't rush down the aisle the first time we started talking about marriage about 18 months into our relationship as I think it would have failed big time. FH had to work out some pretty big issues between then and now and even though we stayed together through those times, having the choice to leave without any legal ramifications (really I would have just had to pick up my toothbrush and go home to my parents) made me feel better. Like I wasn't being forced into anything, everything was still my choice.

He's matured a lot since then, and so was I, and it still looks like we're going to have a happy ending (FH says if we can last through what we did, we can last through anything)!

Interestingly my and Dad did get married in their late teens and while they are still together, Mum said she wouldn't do it again (get married so young, she said she'd still marry my Dad, just wait for another 5 years before she did). She feels as though she missed out finding out what she would be like by herself, not as a wife or daughter.
 
amyk33
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Tue Sep 25, 2012 8:50 pm

Well this is depressing ....
Im about to get married and I'm 21 and my partner is 23. Its sad to see that people believe that age is a concerning factor when it comes to divorce. I believe some people are just like-minded and can turn out to be a good couple from the outset if (and this is where i think age has something to do with it) they have similar interests and life goals and connect well. We have been together for almost 5 years now
My partner and I have similar ideals and have traveled internationally to do do work with the Cambodian kids foundation (CKF) and have spent time in Indonesia and Malaysia for holidays. We have been living together since I graduated out of my boarding school 4 years ago and yes aside from the occasional argument (which everybody has) we are a very loving, caring and mature minded couple. I'm about to graduate from my teaching degree and my partner is a store manager at McDonalds. We are very like-minded and spend a lot of time together and really know each other well as we have developed and grown closer over the time in our relationship. I know most of you would scoff at this admission ... but we are definitely ready to make that commitment to each other with the love and support of friends and family around us.

I hope this 'research' does not deter those who are truly ready for this commitment to rethink who they are and what they value in life. There would not be a 'right' age to get married just a right state of mind and a balanced, loving relationship. I know of as many late age marriages ending in divorce as young ones.

Sorry, thats just the opinion of a 21 year old bride to be <3 Agree or disagree, I know whats right for my life and I don't plan on being a negative statistic.
 
MrsPatterson
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:28 pm

Well the statistics don't lie!

I'd tend to agree with the article, but it's probably been common knowledge anyways. We live a very fast paced, action driven lifestyle these days and people are more often than not in a rush to grow up and make a commitment.

I don't think someone who might be in their teens or early twenties would be ready to undertake a responsibility such as marriage, but thankfully we are all individuals and free to do whatever we like.

The odds may be against younger people marrying but there are always exceptions to the rule.

And also, women have a lot more choice these days. Back "in the day" women would marry young and divorce was something unthinkable regardless of how bad the marriage was but today, that's a different story. If the marriage is not working, there's always an out and I think that heavily contributes to the above statistic.

We're still growing, developing, experiencing life when we're young - it's too soon to tie yourself to another person at that stage unless you are 100% sure and even if you are, there are no guarantees you will feel the same later down the track.

And don't forget - cultural factors weigh heavily in these stats as well - has the data been sampled using social stats in the Westernised world or are we also including other regions?

Something to consider.
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Fri Sep 28, 2012 12:27 am

I'll be 24, and FH will be 28 when we get married, and we'll have been together for 5 years.

Both of our parents have been divorced. My dad and his mother have not re-married, but my mother and his father have re-married (not to each other though!). My mother has been married I think 4 times now. FH and I have very similar values and life plans, and he's truly my best friend. We look at our parents and look at where they have all ended up and how they failed, and we want to use this knowledge to help us get past those issues we might come across ourselves. Failure and giving up on each other is not an option, not through what we've been through so far. We feel that we've already had our "mid-relationship crisis", our core has been absolutely shattered, but we've come out of it stronger and more united.

I don't remember the exact number of years, but without looking it up my grandparents got to 60 years married. Our bold goal is to beat it, with death being the only thing that prevents it :)
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Fri Sep 28, 2012 10:04 am

That's an absolutely beautiful goal!
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:35 pm

One of my bridesmaids in 21 and husband is 22. They got married 8 or so months ago and had been together for 8 years. Her first boyfriend. She's 6 months pregnant with their first child and hes currently in Afghanistan. :( The love they have for each other is incredible.

On a funny note.. I'm 21 and my FH is 34.. Does his age counteract mine to decrease our chance of divorce?;)
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Sat Oct 06, 2012 6:10 pm

hbm wrote:
I think a successful marriage is heavily based on maturity and ability to deal with the different scenarios life throws at you, and with age comes maturity.
So I can see (generally speaking of course) how the above article rings true.

In saying that though, my mum got married when she was 19 and is still happily married to my dad 33 years later :heart:


I agree with this, I think marriage success does depend on maturity, and many couples under 25 are still maturing. However, there are some couples under 25 who are probably mature enough to take on marriage at their age :)

FH and I will be 25 and 26 when we marry in just over a year time... we have been together for over 6 years I personally think we are mature enough.
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Sun Oct 14, 2012 10:56 pm

Yeah it proably could be right though I don't think it's a written rule that if you marry under 25 you will most likely get divorced. Understand the reasoning behind it though. I was 24 the first time and honestly, I don't think was ready even though we had been together 5 years, I feel now at 30 I am far more ready and I have truly reached a point in my life where I know what I want an where I want to be :)
 
KateM
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:49 am

The younger you are, the more life has to show you about yourself. For people who marry young, this means that both you and your partner are going to change quite a bit from the people you are when you get married.

For some, those changes will bring you closer together. For others, it will create a distance. Everyone hopes to be in the first group, but statistically, some of us won't be. Noone enters marriage intending to divorce.

But simply becuase you have more life experiences coming to change you than those who get married later, contributes to why those who marry younger are more likely to separate.
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Mon Oct 15, 2012 10:06 am

Another great post from KateM!
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Wed Oct 24, 2012 3:44 pm

I don't think its an age thing to be honest.

We got married when I was 23 and he was 25. We had been together for 7.5 years before we married. We have now been married for 5.5 years so 13 years all up now and we are still going strong and I honestly don't believe we will split any time soon.

I know alot of middle-aged (in their 50's) that have divorced after 25/30 years of marriage. I also know alot of people that didn't live together first that have divorced. But never because of their age, more because of their circumstance or individual changes.
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Mon Jan 14, 2013 3:18 pm

I will be less than a month off 25 when we get married in June, my fiance will be 27.
We have been together for 8.5 years so I don't think I have rushed in to marriage.
People look at me odd when I say how long we have been together but I still have the BEST fun with him now so why would I look for anyone different :)
I think living together before marriage is a good idea though, even if you sleep in different rooms at least you know what it will be like.
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:50 pm

Noting that the article didn't reference the speed of the divorce. It probably includes those people who are divorcing in their 50s.
 
daydreambeliever
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:47 pm

I know this thread is old, but thought I'd add it-if I married the guy I was with at 24 (With him from 22-24) we would soooo be divorced by now.
I was told the other day he is still single (he is now 42, I'm 30) & his last gf dumped him because he is too difficult &...a bit of an ***.
What I put up with at 22 when I was in love for the first time is NOT what I would have put up with when I was 25.
So can see for me, that if I did marry the ex (& we spoke about it) I would be divorced.

How about other people? When you look back at the guys you dated under 25...any keepers?
 
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Re: Marry under 25? Have a 4 times increased risk of divorce

Wed Jul 03, 2013 6:04 pm

I was 23 and DH was 27 when we got married, however we had been together for 8 years at that point. While I can see that we are growing in different ways, we always look outward in the same direction. We always focus on acheiving our mutual goals.

We will be growing old together :) :heart:
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