A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
carmen84
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how to keep it small!

Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:53 am

So after a lot of drama, we decided to have a small wedding with immediate family, around 15-20 people. How did you go about telling/or not telling extended family about the wedding.
My side of the family is fine with the idea of a small elopement style wedding, a few would probably have their nose out of joint but i dont really care. My sister had her wedding on daydream island years ago and it was perfect having a small group. My other sister had a large wedding inviting nearly every relative, and we knew that wasn't for us.

My fiance's family on the other hand is a bit 'different' in all aspects lol. He is finding it hard to keep his numbers down because his closest friends are cousins, and by invited one cousin the rest of the family would find out. There were only a few who he is in contact with regularly and they said they would love to fly over without their partners(family responsibilities) for the wedding for a quick trip.
He said he doesn't think his mum will even come over from nz (she just moved back to nz from aus). He is the black sheep of the family and she has very little interest in his life which is sad. But when i'm around or my family she is extremely fake and raves about him(and herself lol). But then he makes excuses for her and said she probably won't come back because she had a falling out with someone who will be invited also. I said a child's wedding should be an important milestone in your parents life and they should want to come no matter what and be excited!
His father (lives in oz)said he'd only come if he paid for his own meal or if we were paying for the wedding ourselves :? , he said he's never heard of the brides parents contributing to a wedding.

I spoke to her on the phone when we announce the engagement and she said send me a pic of the ring. 3 weeks later, my fiance rang and asked did she get it and she said oh its weird looking. Jealousy oozes out of the woman, he cant see it and he just gets extremely disappointed.
His father said he'd only come if he paid for his own meal or if we were paying for the wedding ourselves :? , he said he's never heard of the brides parents contributing to a wedding.
His mum sent an engagement card and said cant wait for the gigantic hangi-more or less saying she wanted a big back yard wedding with all the relos.

So at one stage he was completely disheartened and wanted to elope just us two, but i said what difference is it really to have a few more people, i wanted my parents there.Then he said how about just 2 of his closest mates and 2 of mine. He said his parents said that sounds good, but i know he is just trying to skirt around the issue of his parents. If my parents are included in the small elopement wedding, his parents would feel shown up.
He even said it would just be easier to go to nz and get married. But i don't see why we should go over there and celebrate with extended family who don't keep in contact, and for his mum to put on a show in front of her relatives. There would only be 4 chosen people having to fly over here for our wedding and they all (minus his mum) put their hands up and said no problem, we would love to fly over for the wedding.

I'm thinking just have a strict number of say 20. Tell those people it is a small intimate elopement style wedding and we have to keep numbers at a minimum. If his mum doesn't come, it looks bad for her but still he will have his closest loved ones around him.Or do you secretly give the guests a date and say save it, then a few months before give details.(need some warning for those flying over)..
 
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Teska
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Re: how to keep it small!

Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:26 am

Unfortunately it doesn't matter how big or small your wedding is, there will ALWAYS be backlash from somebody because every man and his dog feels like they should be invited to your wedding, no matter how they treat you or how well they know you.

If his parents are going to be difficult and make you both feel uncomfortable and you're not that close to them anyway, don't invite them. It's not a bigger wedding where you won't notice them. Send your save the dates and/or invitations with some indication that it's a secret (i.e. shhh!!) and if his parents do find out, will it make a difference to the current relationship?

Alternatively, you could send the invitation to them 1 or 2 weeks before the actual wedding day and not give them much notice, but that's just me being :twisted: lol
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