A Community for Brides Planning their Wedding in Australia

 
darkphoenix
I survived and got married
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More responsibility

Mon Apr 09, 2012 11:42 am

It's only been a week but already I'm feeling like I'm a lot more responsible for DH, not in a bad way, more in a now that I'm his wife I want to look after him more. I always did the cooking and cleaning before we were married but I was a bit slack, we'd have easy freezer meals and the dishes weren't done after every meal. Now, I feel like that was really slack and I need to cook decent meals for him and make sure the house is always tidy. I don't know if it's just that this is the motivation I needed for a slight change or if I'm sinking into the housewife role. I think a bit of it was how I was raised, mum hammered into us that it was the woman's job to stay at home and cook and clean and raise children, I don't buy into that but I think little bits of it have stayed on. I'm just wondering if any of you other ladies have felt like this?
 
Scarlett
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Re: More responsibility

Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:15 pm

No not really, but then we didn't have that mind set before our marraige either. We both share cooking (eg he'll prepare the meat and I'll do up vegies or salad) and household duties. He works different shifts than me (so if laundry needs doing for example, whoever happens to be off that day does it). Likewise, if one of us has worked that day and the other hasn't, the person who had the day off generally gets dinner...

I do like to take care of him, but he looks after me too and there's no additional pressure or change since the wedding.
 
pinkperfection
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Re: More responsibility

Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:01 pm

We share things equally, always have and always will. We take care of each other in our own ways. We each help out with tasks that the other one usually does. I don't see it changing after we get married as we already live together as if we are married.
 
darkphoenix
I survived and got married
I survived and got married
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Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:45 am

Re: More responsibility

Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:52 pm

I thought it would be the same with us Vic, we lived together and acted like an old married couple. If I cooked, he'd do the dishes and vise versa, if washing needed doing and it was his day off he'd do it but I don't know, it still feels like same old and I'm struggling to get my head around the fact that I'm married but I still feel like I need to be more homey and look after him. After today, I'm starting to wonder if that's more so because of work, poor bugger's still on holidays and they've done nothing but call and call and call! I think because he works 6 days (and get's hassled on his one day off) I feel like I should be doing most the cooking and cleaning and looking after him. At least I'm hoping that's what it is and mum hasn't brainwashed me into being a housewife that does everything :p
 
pinkperfection
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Re: More responsibility

Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:00 pm

It's probably just the honeymooner stage :) I'm sure you will both settle in and get used to being married. It's a big change. Lots of our recently married friends said it took them a while to get used to it.
 
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Hawaiian Wedding
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Re: More responsibility

Tue Apr 10, 2012 12:44 am

I don't know if it has anything to do with being married, but I have wanted the house to be spotless, cleaning the things I NEVER clean (each bottle in the wine rack, for example) ... We still share all the main chores like cooking, washing up, laundry etc, but I find myself wanting to do those extra things.
 
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Zenyatta
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Re: More responsibility

Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:05 am

lol! That's what the men hope we will think once we get married! that we will want to clean more! haha... seriously though, I kind of get it, you want your marriage to get off to the best possible start and be happy with your role in it. I get it, I think I'll feel the same way... but at the same time I think if you do a bit too much then it's easy for them to fall into a pattern of expectation. Try to divide the house stuff up pretty equally... even if sometimes you do a bit more because he's at work more than you sometimes... make sure that it would be the same for you if you were busier than him for a period of time, that your husband would pick up the slack and do a bit more of your share - d'you know what I mean? it's reciprocal.... you help each other out. You're a TEAM! :)
 
Brys
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Re: More responsibility

Wed Apr 11, 2012 1:57 pm

ha dark! i havent even cleaned the house since the wedding. it looks like a wedding bomb has hit it
 
darkphoenix
I survived and got married
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Re: More responsibility

Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:36 am

Hahah, love it Brys! I'm slightly OCD so I can't go long without cleaning, but I'm having a slack day today. I'm feeling sick so I'm making DH do everything :p Least I know I'm not completely over the top with the whole housewife thing and if I feel like crap I can make him do his fair share :p
 
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kristal
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Re: More responsibility

Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:09 pm

darkphoenix wrote:
Hahah, love it Brys! I'm slightly OCD so I can't go long without cleaning, but I'm having a slack day today. I'm feeling sick so I'm making DH do everything :p Least I know I'm not completely over the top with the whole housewife thing and if I feel like crap I can make him do his fair share :p


I think that is a sensible attitude to have. You can't start doing absolutely everything for them, or they will slip into that routine quite easily (and like it!). Doing slightly more when it calls for it, but then asking him to do slightly more on other occassions when it calls for it, is defintely a terrific balance.
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